Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[sjuultje123]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

I feel like I already lost the game. Like when you're at the top of the list and then it gets unplugged. And I don't know what to do now other then dying.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm so exhausted of people being so emotional and illogical about death. Even on here people treat death as if it's a tragedy and even say things like "I'm glad that you're still alive" to those who have made a goodbye thread and failed their attempt. It angers me so much because death isn't a bad thing to the being who is dead. Where is the tragedy being experienced? I genuinely don't understand. I feel like such an alien even on here because I'm pro non existence (or "pro death" if you really want to call me that) whereas everybody else here treats suicide as if it should be pursued as a last resort.

I'm not going to tell others to kill themselves of course as that's still an individual choice but what I don't understand is why treat death as if it's a bad thing? I don't know, I guess my brain wasn't really ever wired to treat death as if it's a bad thing. If somebody wants to kill themselves, let them do so. I have no reason to see their death as a tragedy or something that should be prevented as much as possible unless if it's the last resort and they have thoroughly thought about it. Why should a life be prolonged so much?

I'm going to be so glad once I'm dead as I'll no longer have to deal with anything that goes on in this world, especially this.

 

[billie]

i'm worthless

 

[sjuultje123]

I feel like am gonna die alone. I told them I couldn't hold on and asked for their support. Slowly they left or kept their distance just to be safe.

Now I am happy that I can leave. Just a few more weeks and I can finally rest. This world just isn't for me and slowly I'm letting go. I am well preparerd but sad I have to go.

Fighting just isn't a option anymore. I am miserable and can't be saved. But death gives me hope and the thought gives me rest. It's been long enough and now finally I can rest.

 

[music]

gotta be held. want to fall asleep in someone else's room and to trust them enough to do that comfortably.
want to wake up and for them to say how peaceful i looked.
want an "awh sorry did i wake you?" that's all

urghhhhhh

 

[TheHolySword]

i'm progressing in my job and have so many opportunities for growth. i was recommended by my boss to go help open a new location for 2 weeks and train new staff. but it doesn't even matter because im so miserable and alone. nothing i do matters anymore because im going to be dead in a few months. i dont want to be alive, i dont want to try to have a good life anymore. im so fucking tired. the only reason i'm even still working is for the life insurance and to leave more money behind. i wish i could have lived a life where i wanted to live and could be grateful enough for all the privileges i have. there are people who would do anything to have my life and im just going to throw it all away. good riddance to me

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

All I need to do is cross my fingers and hope ctb goes well tomorrow,
I can't do anything with a pile of miserable sentiment except to throw it out the metaphorical window.
Ctb ctb, another day another rope, another roll of the dice, there's always a chance, I won't lose hope, I hope to succeed, I believe in my efforts

 

[DevonBostick'sAss]

I wanna take my damn bra off! Cant breathe

 

[Jadeith]

Feel...... mechanical.
Following daily routines, fulfilling duties, taking care of those under my protection. Kinda following protocol...
And pain. Non-physical, choking pain. Cold hand crushing my chest and ripping open wounds of the past.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Those who say that there is a significant difference between merely being passively suicidal and actively suicidal are so correct and I had to learn that out the hard way. Being passively suicidal is so much more comfortable but it doesn't actually solve anything long term as I'm still alive. Being actively suicidal would solve my issues long term if I were to succeed but it causes immense pain short term due to being absolutely terrified of causing harm to myself even though I know that I'm going to be harmed by merely staying alive anyway. The human brain is wired to prefer short term comfort over long term planning since that's the more efficient method for DNA to replicate itself so being actively suicidal is so much more challenging.

My chest is so uneasy and I feel so nauseous but I can't back down now since I'm at the point of no return (and I've considered recovery and all that thoroughly but I dont want it). I have to be courageous and push through the pain to obtain an earlier death but I'm so scared and terrified because of the survival mechanism

 

[billie]

i'm worthless

 

[CTB Dream]

this no psbl do any this wrld this rly awfl all d dtriort

 

[yellowjester]

I hate that I step on people's toes all the time without even knowing what I did wrong.

It feels like I speak a different language from everyone else. No one understands me.

I'm scared I will be alone for the rest of my life.

 

[NonEssential]

Applied and got accepted to a school a few days ago. Feels weird since I haven't done anything in like three years. This gives a small amount of hope, but if doesn't help with my loneliness or unemployment, I will most likely CTB.

 

[Rose Cross]

I'm just going down the same path again and again and will every time… just now I don't even feel human or loved anymore and it hurts.

 

[broken_doll]

I'm clawing at whatever I can to mean something to find value but I'm so fucking ugly I can't imagine a creature like myself can have any value people would want

 

[franzhype]

I feel like I'm completely worthless, as if I don't deserve to be loved. My heart feels heavy and broken, and tears won't stop streaming as I think about all the friends I've lost in the last few months... even the person that I loved.

 

[ma0]

Finally listened to some stuff by siinamota, and it depressed me a little bit. Knowing that he CTB'd only 30 minutes after releasing his final song makes it hard to listen to. I'm also trying to procrastinate my next cutting attempt, even though I know that I want to try. I've still not been able to drawn blood, so I'll try on a different part.

 

[ben_]

pretty good - living in the present moment as they say... future looks fucked - but I'm not looking :D

 

[Lullaby]

Outside of this forum, people fucking suck…like genuinely.

I've always tried being a kind person, and I'm really attempting to not let this make me jaded — but goddamn, I really really hate people. Jesus christ.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

My time might be coming soon. I'm not certain, but that notion arouses both apprehension and relief in me.

 

[iamrealandyouarenot]

I miss my grandma, it's her birthday today. The funeral was yesterday.

 

[evansmiranda089@gma]

tired, kinda empty. I want to cut but don't have the energy

 

[billie]

i'm sad because today is my friend's birthday but she killed herself 6 years ago

 

[steygrone]

I'm running out of places to vent about feeling like dying. More places are cracking down and I can't even hint at wanting to ctb without posts being flagged or getting attention from people who don't know me or follow me. On a private blog where no one even knows it exists my posts were flagged and my blog blocked so I just deleted it cuz there's no point to it anymore. I just wish I had a place to vent while I'm at work, I do have a private journal at home but I never wanna risk bringing it to work and accidentally leaving it and hearing an earful from people here. I just need to vent a lot and I'd rather scream into the void than to talk about it cuz it feels so much better to me. Idk if it makes any sense but yeah, I'm just gutted and wish I had a more permanent place to talk about wanting to die. I'm glad I have this place though, I guess this is my last place to keep a diary of sorts. I just hope it can last cuz I'm so tired

 

[sukiduki]

i think i can make it through most of the year but not the whole year. i think i've figured out the timing to do the least damage.

sometimes i wonder if my passing is really gonna affect people at all. i have a strong feeling it won't. but to not rain on other peoples parades i think i know best when to do it. its later than i originally planned but its doable.

i feel numb. i feel sad. i feel everything. i feel nothing. but this is the way

 

[Hojag]

I'm in peace by now.

 

[CTB Dream]

lif vawfl wat do all pain sffr wat do this awfl lif this trap

 

[Haematemesis]

I ate chicken wrap and smoked cigarettes which felt like heaven. So I feel good

 

[DevonBostick'sAss]

drunk