Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I feel light but I wanna be lighter as I die :D

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Sad like I should just die since I get ghosted and people avoid talking to me sad :((

 

[TheHolySword]

no one wants to accept that i'm done trying. i'm tired of trying. i don't want to do it anymore so im not going to. i fucked up everything good about my life to get here so damn it i'm going to fucking die. i'm not gonna get better. i do not want to get better. i just want to be emptiness in a nothingness void. fuck.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Existence itself hurts so much. For me, just the pain of merely living fucks my brain up so much. I don't know why this is but that remains as the truth. Even I don't do anything or aren't at the risk of anything, I still feel so much mental pain. It's so exhausting and irritating. I truly have no idea how I'm supposed to go through life or how I'm expected to live until old age. Oh wait, I guess the latter isn't true as the average life expectancy for autistic people is significantly lower but, nonetheless, I'm just in too much pain to do anything. I just wish for some peace and tranquility but I can never get that for as long as I'm alive. I thought that finally having a way out of here would give me peace and, in some respects, it does but it also makes being alive hurt so much more.

It honestly feels like life is a extremely long nightmare and I don't mean that as a hyperbole or as a metaphor. I genuinely mean that it's a nightmare. I know that there are people who are suffering far worse than me and are able to deal with life but I'm not one of those people. I'm not. I can't deal with life. I'm too weak for life. I'm too tired for life. I don't have it in me to push through life any longer. I even stopped revising for my university exams because of how overwhelming all of it is. I don't think that I'm weak for giving up. I don't think that I'm pathetic for giving up. I've been through so much shit already so I deserve my peace. I just want my torment to end and I know that it can't end if I were to continue living unless if I didn't have to worry about anything in life such as work, university, responsibilities, chronic pain, old age, opportunities to suffer horrifically etc. If these things were guaranteed to not happen to me, I'd choose to live through life but reality is not that generous.

I can only be at peace once I'm dead because there is no longer any "me" since the brain is switched off. Existence can never grant me the peace that I'm looking for. I do feel happiness from small moments and whatever but it doesn't outweigh the torment and suffering that I go through from merely living. I just want to sleep permanently and be done with it. I want the nightmare to end

 

[blood-orange]

I feel like my life is unlivable because i'm autistic. I can't adapt to the rules that everyone else does to live a normal life. I have a job but it requires such a high level of conforming to other peoples rules that I feel like I have no control over my life, even though it's just a normal full time job. I struggle to socialise with people and i have crippling anxiety about it, so i'm pretty isolated. I've spent so many years trying to conform to other people's rules that I have no sense of what I want. I'm so hypersensitive to everything that it makes life impossible to navigate.
Essentially, i'm 25 years old and due to undiagnosed autism and mental illness, my drive to live is absolutely dead.

 

[FoxSauce]

Overwhelmed, frustrated and sad. Intense emotions. Work was super stressful, and i feel like shit cuz i just self harmed. For bwing clean since november. Ive failed...

 

[Prism]

It's almost unreal how every single thing I had that made life worth living is now gone

 

[Electra]

I feel tired on a deep, spiritual level. Like the tiredness is ingrained in me and I can never separate it from me or make it vanish. It just keeps getting bigger. It's existential exhaustion.

 

[sukiduki]

i really wish every night i went to sleep that i won't wake up the next day. but it happens over and over again. i can't wait to be free

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

Ahh I live with my parents and they took my ligatures

All of them !

I searched the entire house along with all the garbage cans to no avail

Darn what a pain I need to make a new one now, out of fabric or some yarn, hope isn't lost just yet

 

[CTB Dream]

this rly awfl dtriort rly trap no know wat do this lif v awfl no hav slf no any

 

[-Link-]

I feel tired on a deep, spiritual level. Like the tiredness is ingrained in me and I can never separate it from me or make it vanish. It just keeps getting bigger. It's existential exhaustion.

I just came to this thread to gripe about this too.

I feel like I've lost a step these past few weeks. It's been going on since around New Year's. I'm noticing subtle things where I'm just slower, both physically and mentally, but especially mentally. Like it takes more time and mental effort to do a task than it would have even a month ago -- and that's if I can do the task at all.

I hope this is just transient.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

no one wants to accept that i'm done trying. i'm tired of trying. i don't want to do it anymore so im not going to. i fucked up everything good about my life to get here so damn it i'm going to fucking die. i'm not gonna get better. i do not want to get better. i just want to be emptiness in a nothingness void. fuck.

Same... It's too late and I'm too tired.

 

[CatLvr]

Exhausted. I guess I fake it too good. I was told today that I am one of the happiest people this person knows. Good God, if he only knew the truth.

 

[fleetingnight]

I haven't been very mentally present. Probably a defense mechanism. I'm going to try to space out so much that I don't feel like I exist anymore, because that's as close as I can get to killing myself.

 

[Electra]

I feel pressed. Like the whole world is pushing me into a tiny room where I can barely breathe. I'm trying to resist, but I want to give in. Giving in to destruction must be so peaceful. So peaceful. Why keep fighting? Idk. SI? Eh, just shhhh...

 

[greebo6]

Very very anxious and very tense. Its a horrible feeling .

 

[Hojag]

Numb, high, weirf and wwoooooow. It's shitty that I can't feel myself, but the numbness gives me peace️

 

[Electra]

I don't know, I just don't want anything. Just let me be. Don't move me, don't ask me anything, don't require anything from me. Just let me be. Rolling in bed.

 

[Seaghost]

Wanted to scream (living with others can be a pain in the ass) but instead of doing it I went out, sitting on a chair at the teracce. It's 4degrees here. The cold is always good when my mind goes wild.
People....OMG...want to be rich to be able to live in a bunker in the wild....damn assholes.. .

 

[whitetaildeer]

i'm beginning to realize i want someone to care about me and i don't know how that makes me feel

 

[Electra]

Yearning for normal sleep.

 

[JohnIgnis]

Tired and angry. I just finished an online class tonight and my internet was really testing my patience. I feel like I want to sleep now, but at the same time I just want to stay up and do something else.

 

[chandxoxo]

I ate chicken wrap and smoked cigarettes which felt like heaven. So I feel good

i love cigarettes but I'm too shy to buy them. i can only smoke when someone offers me one

 

[Kanashii]

Emotionless, yet somewhat at peace.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Life isn't a Marvel movie.... No one is coming to save us.

 

[Electra]

Idk what I feel. Maybe some excitement? And then some regret, like I did something not according to my own "rules" that I set to myself for no reason. What is that feeling? Like I should've done something differently, but it actually doesn't matter. I need an emotion wheel or some shit.

 

[CTB Dream]

lif rly awfl all hpn dtriort me injury damage no brain no slf no any

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Frustrated, anxious, and numb... I wanna be dead, but I am scared if I won't be dead this year and I will stay stuck in this body and seeing anything in this world and I won't be happy and visiting the stars... Also, numb emotionally to my emotions... This usually happens and why I sleep through the pain, but I get so sad because its a never ending cycle and just want to remove the pain and just... self delete myself already

 

[JohnIgnis]

I'm feeling happy tonight. One of my friend talked me into hanging out outside of school during our vacant period a while ago. We went out to eat and played in one of the arcade games nearby. This was the first time I actually hanged out with a friend outside school in all my life.