Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Electra]

Anxious, but I'm thinking I can reduce the anxiety today. So I'm gonna try doing that.

 

[S like suicide]

Crazy...i touched the lowest of he low rock bottom

 

[Cavalcade]

Surprisingly good? I finally cut out really awful people from my life, and after awhile of just keeping to myself- I got the energy to start reaching out to other friends, diving into a new creative community where I've had pleasant chats with lovely people- and right now have a lovely little PBP TTRPG group and biweekly writing group check ins to look forward to, starting in early February. I've been having a great time, and it's been so nice connecting with people, and deepening existent friendships. It's been such a breath of fresh air, and a stark realization that uh, most of my previous issues had nothing to really do with me or my personality- it was just abjectly a really abusive environment. My brother's been doing better, too, so everything's been on the up and up. I'm grateful for this community for being here when I direly needed a place to vent and talk about what was going on, but a part of me is sort of happy I haven't needed to rely on it as extensively as of late. I hope everyone here can feel as at ease, too.

 

[TheHolySword]

i need to die. let me die. end this suffering. let me be free. stop making me stay. it's agony. i can't fucking do this. i'm waiting until may so my life insurance can pay out but there's not even a guarantee that it will because insurance companies are evil scummy greedy bastards who can all rot in hell. i'm only here so my brother can have a better shot at a better life and he might not even get the fucking money. it might all just be worthless. why am i even here. i want to die so fucking badly.

 

[ma0]

My room is a fucking mess, and I don't intend on doing anything about it anytime soon.

Apart from that, the usual. Eyes wide to prevent falling asleep, Youtube recommended running dry this time at night, trying to postpone sh by maybe another hour, nobody's online and I could probably CTB about now, but I won't. I've just not been pushed that far yet. Apathetic.

 

[skylight7]

Deep loss, severe depression, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, isolation, betrayal, resentment, and regret.

 

[greebo6]

Quite scared and very anxious

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Excited to die... Been thinking of death... didn't sleep for 24hrs now... Just wanna be dead soon Excited!!

 

[whitetaildeer]

not too long ago, before i was actively suicidal, my father asked me if i was happier. he has been asking me this ever since i moved in with him, every few months, and i don't know why. i always say yes. it's... not exactly a lie. it was either move him with him, or get trafficked or sent to an assisted living village i had no business being in by my family, which has a history of abusive workers and catty executives. neither option is pleasant, but the latter is, obviously, worse. i've just never been good at being voicing my thoughts and feelings, nevermind the fact that i don't want to. even on sasu, it's more difficult than it has any right to be.

but, carrying on, the last time my father asked if i was happier-- before i started being active here, and well before i made up my mind on ctb-- i just gave a rather passive "soon" as a reply. he gave me some reproachful look, but said nothing, and left my room. he's responsible for why i'm alive; i wonder if he'll ever know that he'll be apart of the reason why i'll soon be dead, too.

 

[Prism]

I want to rip my face off

 

[Pennyroyal]

Exhausted. Can't move my body.

 

[Electra]

Tense, my muscles are tense, they ache. I wanna relax.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I just feel sad… sad that this life is a scam and I have to go to sleep to pretend that my dreams are a better reality and if not, I get scammed by that by having insomnia or worse, reminded that my emotions seeps through my dreams and go into other worlds that are better than this shit…

 

[CTB Dream]

rly needend this rly awfl all day pain sffr nobod knw nobod undrstd

 

[HereTomorrow]

Quit social media again. I don't understand how people dont get anxiety and dread.

Also how is a forum about suicide the most comforting place to be in? Maybe because I feel at home here...