Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[TheHatedOne]

I feel as if I'm myself against the whole world.

 

[Yogobro298]

Everything just feels pointless. I've tried to keep pushing myself and pushing myself to try to make things better but things still end up the same. The worst part about all of this I pretty much caused my own pain so nobody is to blame but myself.

 

[oliviahurts]

I feel stupidly angry. My mum overcooked my porridge which sounds like the smallest of issues but I had to taste that fucking rubberised slop. Usually I make my own porridge, I always fuck everything up but I never fucked it up this bad. I can't get the taste out my mouth, I feel like crying and vormiting. I know I'm upset about something other than porridge because this is the strongest I've felt about anything all week. But I don't know what. I want to smash stuff and cut myself with the shards.

 

[BrokenHopes]

I'm tired. I just want to lay down and sleep. My brain is awake, always awake, constantly terrorizing me with it's thoughts. I am thrown between despair and glimpses of hope. I know the hope does not speak the truth. Sometimes I wish things would have been different. But it is too late to change it now.

 

[Freedom Believer]

I want to stop thinking, I just want to rest forever now. I want to be with her on the other side.

 

[odradek]

Life clings to me like a disease.

 

[nerve]

The other night, I remembered horse_ebooks of all things.

I had a friend in my group in high school I was very jealous of. She was very pretty and had one of the most incredible bodies I've ever seen and I constantly wished I could look more like her. I have a feeling she wished she could look like me too so no one would bother her or notice her. It made things awkward when we were alone, but we kind of bonded over horse_ebooks. One of the only one-on-one conversations we had was about it.

So I was just minding my own business, reminiscing on a weird internet thing from years ago, and I remembered her and how weird our relationship was and I just started weeping.

Things were so different back then. I wish I could have known how things were going to go so I could have appreciated it all more. I wish I spent less time comparing myself to this friend and staring at her the way everyone else did. I feel like I wasted a lot of the precious time we had together being bitter and jealous.

I hope she's doing okay.

 

[bed]

The tears keep rolling down my face. I don't even know who I am. I do anything just for my brain not to think for a single second. I self-sabotaged so much that there is no repairing this. All I wish is for my brain to stop. For my aching body to be consumed by the emptiness of the void. I'm always anxious, I just can't take it. It's the constant feeling of being on the downward slope of a rollercoaster. I feel unwanted everywhere. Similar to my inaction in life, I just want to fucking scream but nothing comes out.

 

[Bigpink]

Simply I just do not want to be here anymore. No reason for my continued existence.

 

[motel rooms]

I want a sexy PM-stalker for a change.

 

[Yogobro298]

Hopeless and just Pain in my gut. I tried and tried to keep pushing forward but I think at this point I'm going to call it quits. Already ordered SN. Also I noticed a lot of people who you call family or friends only pretend like they care when they really don't.

 

[stygal]

withdrawl symptoms ...body as if pushed trough a meat grinder...mind screaming

 

[lifecouldbedream]

I feel like constantly punching something, almost pure hatred. I think about killing myself so often now. Everytime I relax and reconsider it I get a slap in the face from life and I want to die again,

 

[Celerity]

I know life can be difficult for everyone, but I feel like I am especially inept at navigating it. Most people seem so confident about what they want and what they plan to do. Intellectually, I know that some proportion of that apparent certainty is BS, but I can't even pretend like I know what the fuck I'm doing like they can.

 

[ocheeva]

Feeling like shit because the universe gave me an ultimatum and I will most probably have to ctb this year. But slightly comforted by this forum's existence. I feel less alone and slightly less scared of what's to come. I wish I could just turn off this piece of shit SI that is wired into my brain.

 

[lifecouldbedream]

Feeling like shit because the universe gave me an ultimatum and I will most probably have to ctb this year. But slightly comforted by this forum's existence. I feel less alone and slightly less scared of what's to come. I wish I could just turn off this piece of shit SI that is wired into my brain.

yes, I struggle with SI as well. it feels like every night I decide I'm gonna finally do it, get everything ready and then I just stare at my materials and fall asleep. I've started thinking about how I'll do it over and over and i think its working, but SI is a force not easily defeated.

 

[eleanorhere]

I feel so awful. Just about to cry myself to sleep. Have isolated myself for many days and I'm hurting so much. All I can think about is ctbing and I'm going through this alone it's like a nightmare

 

[ocheeva]

I feel so awful. Just about to cry myself to sleep. Have isolated myself for many days and I'm hurting so much. All I can think about is ctbing and I'm going through this alone it's like a nightmare

Yes friend There's just no easy way out of this cruel world. We just gotta be strong and push through it.... Existence is truly a curse.

yes, I struggle with SI as well. it feels like every night I decide I'm gonna finally do it, get everything ready and then I just stare at my materials and fall asleep. I've started thinking about how I'll do it over and over and i think its working, but SI is a force not easily defeated.

I hope that by going through it enough times in my head I can beat my SI into submission.

 

[Manaaja]

I am exploding

I never want to meet a human again

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I'm bored so I'm getting drunk. Wheeee

I know life can be difficult for everyone, but I feel like I am especially inept at navigating it. Most people seem so confident about what they want and what they plan to do. Intellectually, I know that some proportion of that apparent certainty is BS, but I can't even pretend like I know what the fuck I'm doing like they can.

I understand that feeling.

 

[whywere]

I feel so awful. Just about to cry myself to sleep. Have isolated myself for many days and I'm hurting so much. All I can think about is ctbing and I'm going through this alone it's like a nightmare

Hi! You are NEVER alone here on SS ever. I truly value you as a friend on here, you have a lot to give humanity , through all the decades that I have bumped around on this planet, I have had few friends till SS came along. Now I will like I have a huge warm blanket that envelops me with a world wide group of friends.

You are a beautiful, caring soul with so much love and caring in you, I for real reread your short post over and over and the love and caring aspects are so evident.

Please have a great upcoming week, also do not be hard on your self ever, you are beautiful!!!

Sending hugs and love and my best always to you,

Walter

 

[S like suicide]

I don't have a family (I have it but it's as if I didn't and sadly they are one of the biggest causes of my pain) I have nobody who hugs me, who comforts me when I cry, nobody who laughs with me, nobody who wants to plan with me, nobody who wants to be my friend,nobody who calls me or wants to know how i feel nobody who wants to love me.there is completly noone i can count on, that really cares about me or that really loves me.I am a human being and I feel very in need of love, friendship and family affection.I am not a child or a teen but I am in late twenties and one of my biggest fears is to continue being alone ... I've been alone for so many years ... too many, my best years have been devoured by this damn depression ... I'm afraid, I feel so much fear and i have nobody to whom I can tell.I'm so lonely ... so lonely ... it makes me cry in pain not having a real connection with someone ... someone to call friend, someone to call family, someone to call lover.I should never have been born because if I didn't exist it wouldn't matter to anyone ... noone misses me...crying all night

 

[whywere]

I don't have a family (I have it but it's as if I didn't and sadly they are one of the biggest causes of my pain) I have nobody who hugs me, who comforts me when I cry, nobody who laughs with me, nobody who wants to plan with me, nobody who wants to be my friend,nobody who calls me or wants to know how i feel nobody who wants to love me.there is completly noone i can count on, that really cares about me or that really loves me.I am a human being and I feel very in need of love, friendship and family affection.I am not a child or a teen but I am in late twenties and one of my biggest fears is to continue being alone ... I've been alone for so many years ... too many, my best years have been devoured by this damn depression ... I'm afraid, I feel so much fear and i have nobody to whom I can tell.I'm so lonely ... so lonely ... it makes me cry in pain not having a real connection with someone ... someone to call friend, someone to call family, someone to call lover.I should never have been born because if I didn't exist it wouldn't matter to anyone ... noone misses me...crying all night

HELLO! You are a great friend to me and I have no family or friends except all the great folks here on SS.

I have mentioned my "family" situation on here before and till I was 18 it was hell. Then I was on my own and took off into life.

Through it all I truly believe in the good of folks and you! I have so many folks on SS that I consider great friends and that includes you!

I am 65, reference point for this post, as you mentioned in yours that you are in your late twenties. This aspect is one reason that I truly believe in you and you will blossom and do good for yourself and others. I had a significant other who darn near cleaned me out behind my back, money wise, kicked her out and here I am.

I still believe in tomorrow and you.

Have a great week, stay healthy (away from Covid) and please try and not be so hard on yourself, you are fantastic!

Walter

 

[TheHatedOne]

had heartache for pretty much most of the day and there was this moment when it extended a bit to my arm and shoulder. i'm stressed because I have a lot to do when it comes to housework and I always tend to finish between 1 am - 3 am leaving little time for me. All I want is to sleep for eternity. I'm anxious because of university, it's hell. I also really miss my mate, i can't accept the fact that i won't ever talk to him again... i can't...

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've been in a foul mood ever since I woke up today and I'm so sick of Twitter discourse about certain things that really don't matter. The worst part is I can't even weigh in without losing friends but I don't even care that much about them as people. I just want to escape this reality, whether by dying or in some other way. Why does it have to be so hard for me to know what I want all the time beyond basic physical needs that aren't being met. I'm hungry but I'm too lazy to get my own food and I had to have a really small lunch because my mom accidentally got something I'm allergic to and now it's dinner time but I'm just too lazy and bored I need something to watch but I don't really want to watch anything. I want to finally have a girlfriend but I know that getting to know me would ruin some poor girl's life. I want money but I don't want to get a job it just all seems so pointless, so dumb. My brain is melting into mush.

 

[Riddles]

Nsjshshdhejjsbdbjdjrnbdh that's what I feel

I've been in a foul mood ever since I woke up today and I'm so sick of Twitter discourse about certain things that really don't matter. The worst part is I can't even weigh in without losing friends but I don't even care that much about them as people. I just want to escape this reality, whether by dying or in some other way. Why does it have to be so hard for me to know what I want all the time beyond basic physical needs that aren't being met. I'm hungry but I'm too lazy to get my own food and I had to have a really small lunch because my mom accidentally got something I'm allergic to and now it's dinner time but I'm just too lazy and bored I need something to watch but I don't really want to watch anything. I want to finally have a girlfriend but I know that getting to know me would ruin some poor girl's life. I want money but I don't want to get a job it just all seems so pointless, so dumb. My brain is melting into mush.

Oh Dr Iron Arc, you don't have a job. Me too don't have one

 

[BottomlessPit]

My current life feels like an unfinished sequel I was never meant to experience.
The story already ended and the credits rolled, but instead of seeing a black screen I am trapped in an after image that never should have been.

 

[S like suicide]

HELLO! You are a great friend to me and I have no family or friends except all the great folks here on SS.

I have mentioned my "family" situation on here before and till I was 18 it was hell. Then I was on my own and took off into life.

Through it all I truly believe in the good of folks and you! I have so many folks on SS that I consider great friends and that includes you!

I am 65, reference point for this post, as you mentioned in yours that you are in your late twenties. This aspect is one reason that I truly believe in you and you will blossom and do good for yourself and others. I had a significant other who darn near cleaned me out behind my back, money wise, kicked her out and here I am.

I still believe in tomorrow and you.

Have a great week, stay healthy (away from Covid) and please try and not be so hard on yourself, you are fantastic!

Walter

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Walter for your message..I am honored to be considered your friend,you are a source of inspiration for me, you have been through a lot but you have always remained pure and fighting ... I honestly do not know where you find the strength!But how do you do when you miss friends and family in real life? It's not the same online .... how do you do when you need someone in real life? When you feel painfully lonely and abandoned? Sorry for all the questions ...Thank you for the encouraging words ... without you the world would be a worse place for sure ... I wish you a shining week...hugs

 

[AtMostOkay]

My current life feels like an unfinished sequel I was never meant to experience.
The story already ended and the credits rolled, but instead of seeing a black screen I am trapped in an after image that never should have been.

Beautiful analogy. Seen that movie too.

 

[NotStrongEnough]

I just woke up and I'm already irritated as piss. One of the reasons I want to CTB is because of humans and today is no different.