spacefreightergirl
let it all go
- May 27, 2026
- 41
It's pretty self explanatory. And yes I'm neurodivergent and I really mean the word hyperfixation, so I'm pretty sure other ND people can imagine how I feel right now.
Luckily I still like it, and I appreciate it as an experience, usually I have hyperfixated on "topics" (things like historical events, politics, so on) rather than media (and when I did it was always discontinued/ended TV shows) so it was the first time I was into something that had merch and an active fandom online. I'm genuinely glad I still like it but more moderately so – now in my head it's just part of "things I'd recommend to someone very calmly and normally so" rather than something that I shake over – and I still don't regret buying some merch. I do hope that I will find more media to enjoy soon because I kinda really like the idea of building a space around me of the things I have loved at some point, both from the past and the present. Not sure if it's the consumerism in my head.
My main the problem is that now I literally feel like my brain is in some sort of limbo, like I genuinely don't know what to think about anymore. I'm trying to fill my head with other stuff – I think partially it's the reason why I've been on a self destructive run the last few days too, kind of trying to fill the void in my head. It did push me to write again, even though I never got to write anything longer than 500 words because it's very hard for me to commit to any thought or plan for more than a day. I do wish that I could still write about other things, but again, my head is genuinely empty. The depression and the fact that I don't really care about many things doesn't help. But yeah, those are the thoughts of today.
Luckily I still like it, and I appreciate it as an experience, usually I have hyperfixated on "topics" (things like historical events, politics, so on) rather than media (and when I did it was always discontinued/ended TV shows) so it was the first time I was into something that had merch and an active fandom online. I'm genuinely glad I still like it but more moderately so – now in my head it's just part of "things I'd recommend to someone very calmly and normally so" rather than something that I shake over – and I still don't regret buying some merch. I do hope that I will find more media to enjoy soon because I kinda really like the idea of building a space around me of the things I have loved at some point, both from the past and the present. Not sure if it's the consumerism in my head.
My main the problem is that now I literally feel like my brain is in some sort of limbo, like I genuinely don't know what to think about anymore. I'm trying to fill my head with other stuff – I think partially it's the reason why I've been on a self destructive run the last few days too, kind of trying to fill the void in my head. It did push me to write again, even though I never got to write anything longer than 500 words because it's very hard for me to commit to any thought or plan for more than a day. I do wish that I could still write about other things, but again, my head is genuinely empty. The depression and the fact that I don't really care about many things doesn't help. But yeah, those are the thoughts of today.
