Method Problems with chickening out in past attempts, ways to avoid/reduce?

[k75]

That being said, I'm also concerned regarding hormone replacement therapy, and whether i would still be given access to it following my discharge

What makes you think you wouldn't be able to continue your hormones? What will happen?

 

[greyshalllay1995]

What makes you think you wouldn't be able to continue your hormones? What will happen?

Estrogen, especially, is known for making you much more emotional, kinda similar effects to PMS. my concern is that they will think that its the exact reason I'm feeling suicidal. Does that make sense?

 

[k75]

Ooooh, so your fear is they will try to take you off the hormones completely out of worry that its making you depressed? Am I understanding correctly?

I can see why that would be a concern now. Is it possible a hormone adjustment might help? I'm assuming you have bloodwork sometimes to check your levels?

 

[greyshalllay1995]

Ooooh, so your fear is they will try to take you off the hormones completely out of worry that its making you depressed? Am I understanding correctly?

I can see why that would be a concern now. Is it possible a hormone adjustment might help? I'm assuming you have bloodwork sometimes to check your levels?

I do, however and adjustment takes money, and i have none of those opportunities. any such adjustment could easily slow down my transition.

 

[Space Cadet]

Yeah like annon2662 was saying in regards to the NHS.. unfortunately other countries don't have the same luxury as we have to be able to have free medications, hospital stays, medical treatments etc (not free we just don't pay directly)... If.... That was the only, or a major factor in helping you/ life, then I'm really sorry, I imagine a lot of people in the US etc suffer because they can't afford basic medication or treatment.

It's not all free all the time at point of use in the UK (depends what country) I'm in England and if ya not on benefits gotta pay for prescriptions plus can get billed for ambulance call outs. Also dentists not free. But compared to insurance based countries its nice to largely not have to worry you can be super rich or dirt poor all get the same treatment when needed. Naturally various quality of care based on where you are but same for all in same area - not based on ya ability to pay or insurance cover.

 

[Pryras]

I'm also worried about what comes after but something that helps a little is knowing it is inevitable and even if it's awful I'll have to embrace it regardless down the road. The unknown is scary and it's not easy to overcome SI when it kicks in

 

[autumnal]

I don't want to advise I just want you to hear my plan.
Like yourself I've had past attempts that have failed through my own fault, "chickening out" halfway through and have been found and saved.... Those times were through pills.
This time I plan to jump.. but beforehand I plan to get rid (spend or what ever) every penny I own, make sure I have nothing to go back to, house, people etc, so that at the moment I get to where I plan to CTB, it would be too hard and too stressful to turn back thus the idea being the better option for myself just to CTB like planned.

Personally, nothing would stress me more than placing myself in that kind of situation. If you can't go through with an attempt, then maybe that is a sign that it's just not the right time for you? Maybe deep down you want to get some more help to improve your life, or at least achieve other goals before going? Trying to force yourself by burning all your bridges doesn't strike me as you being confident in your decision, plus if you do abort an attempt (or fail one) then you place yourself in a really hellish lifestyle situation.

Just my opinion.

 

[Space Cadet]

I'm stuck - I been miserable for donkeys years and also have an addictive personality that has manifested it self in gambling addictions. Last week in 45mins I decided f-it I'd go crazy Ivan put everything I had 20 years of savings on Liverpool to win (not lost in 26 odd games playing a team that hadn't won in 5 games) so seemed a sound bet (in my head) if win good as I need more money as I abandoned my job, took unpaid leave last October and never went back (was due to return in January after New Years). I hated it though had done it for 20 years so went back but only lasted 2 days. I been terminated for abandonment of service. I can't leave gambling alone its my curse but said if I won I'd seek help - trying Gamblers Anonymous but if I lost it wouldn't matter as that would be the universe deciding for me and I'd CTB as I'd be well and truly f-ed. So I emptied all my accounts and had 20K on. A years salary and if anyone can jinx a team it's me - the upset happened. Trouble is I couldn't find a painless way to die. Its not easy find the info online and when you do like in the book 'Final Exit' it's always stuff you can't get like being in the UK and not in the medical profession I can't get the drugs it says to use nor can I access a gun as we not allowed them things here.

So now I'm stuck treading water with no way meet my bills and council tax or lease hold fees. So I need an out but due to a failed painful overdose as a teen that always comes back to haunt me in my mind. I recall the retching and it not working, the sick and 24 hours later the stomach pumping when I admitted what I done to staff in my children's home. It scarred me I think mentally making it so hard even to this day to CTB. Guess subconsciously I'm scared of failing again then being worse of physically on top of the mental anguish I already suffer with. My whole life from my teens I have had axienty, manic depression and suiducal idoation. Yet heights scare me more so as I've gotten older so can't get the balls to jump off a tall building or cliff. As for jumping in front of a train I worry I might survive - brothers girl friends dad did that and lost a leg. Not to mention feel bad how it might affect the driver. I'm babbling to much but I'm truly lost. Also I have been told about what happens after death and the universe by very intelligent beings who I have come to trust and believe them so worry about being trapped or worse getting a worse life.