How do you know if you're depressed or just a miserable person/have a personality disorder?

[betternever2havbeen]

Sometimes I read about depression (not just here) and I can't really relate that much. It's all about temporary crises and people reaching out for help because they "don't think they can keep themselves safe"-I think it's fantastic people are asking for support when they need it, but I can't really relate. I've never felt like I was in immediate danger to my life and if I was I don't think I'd care because I've wanted to CTB since forever anyway. I also have no prior attempts. I just want to have one successful attempt and be done with it. I've also never "recovered" as such. So when I see people say depression is temporary I can't really relate either. I guess they mean an acute crisis is temporary-but I don't think I've ever had one of those. Also there is absolutely nothing down on my medical records about any mental illness (I did mention anxiety to my doctors when I was discussing a physical health issue) but I've always been careful not to even hint at being depressed. I have OCD too but also not discussed this with a professional.

Is it just that I'm passively suicidal rather than in a crisis? It's so hard to know how others experience depression. Sometimes I think I'm just a miserable person with a void so I know I'll never be happy. Does anyone relate? I have anhedonia, lack of energy, lack of motivation, no hope for the future, rock bottom self-esteem, brain fog-probably more but I can't remember lol. Right now I don't even know if I'm depressed or not but I guess it comes in different forms. Or maybe I'm so used to it that I'm in severe depression but I don't care enough to reach out about it.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

If youre on this forum you most likely have some kinda issue

 

[EndlessRage]

Sometimes I read about depression (not just here) and I can't really relate that much. It's all about temporary crises and people reaching out for help because they "don't think they can keep themselves safe"-I think it's fantastic people are asking for support when they need it, but I can't really relate. I've never felt like I was in immediate danger to my life and if I was I don't think I'd care because I've wanted to CTB since forever anyway. I also have no prior attempts. I just want to have one successful attempt and be done with it. I've also never "recovered" as such. So when I see people say depression is temporary I can't really relate either. I guess they mean an acute crisis is temporary-but I don't think I've ever had one of those. Also there is absolutely nothing down on my medical records about any mental illness (I did mention anxiety to my doctors when I was discussing a physical health issue) but I've always been careful not to even hint at being depressed. I have OCD too but also not discussed this with a professional.

Is it just that I'm passively suicidal rather than in a crisis? It's so hard to know how others experience depression. Sometimes I think I'm just a miserable person with a void so I know I'll never be happy. Does anyone relate? I have anhedonia, lack of energy, lack of motivation, no hope for the future, rock bottom self-esteem, brain fog-probably more but I can't remember lol. Right now I don't even know if I'm depressed or not but I guess it comes in different forms. Or maybe I'm so used to it that I'm in severe depression but I don't care enough to reach out about it.

My childhood trauma played a huge role turning me both into having mental disorders and overall a miserable person, and i experience all the things you have, lack of energy and motivation, shit ton of insecurities. I think you don't need to relate to anyone else we all have our unique and different lives and not everyone who is suicidal experiences the same things as the next person but a lot common similarities can be seen in having depression. I don't really show that i'm depressed to people in real life either, i just turn that into anger instead.
Sometimes we feel good or sometimes very bad, but what is your root problem or pain? What causes this inflation can be the answer to your question.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

If youre on this forum you most likely have some kinda issue

Good point! I just wonder if I'm clinically depressed or just miserable. I never saw myself as mentally ill until recently and now I'm questioning that.

My childhood trauma played a huge role turning me both into having mental disorders and overall a miserable person, and i experience all the things you have, lack of energy and motivation, shit ton of insecurities. I think you don't need to relate to anyone else we all have our unique and different lives and not everyone who is suicidal experiences the same things as the next person but a lot common similarities can be seen in having depression. I don't really show that i'm depressed to people in real life either, i just turn that into anger instead.
Sometimes we feel good or sometimes very bad, but what is your root problem or pain? What causes this inflation can be the answer to your question.

Sorry about your childhood trauma-that must be incredibly tough. I definitely used to relate to a lot of the user base here it's just recently when I was reading about suicide elsewhere and the people were all in temporary crises and saying they needed help for months and I've just never asked for help in that way. But then the question is is that because I'm not as bad as them or just too far gone to even care?

I just feel like everything in life feels so trivial and pointless. Like I've gotten all I can out of it (which isn't much) and like there's so little to life. That's the anhedonia. And a bunch of trauma following some close family bereavements which years later I just won't ever get over. Because of my OCD I'm always ruminating on something bad so if I'm not currently worried or grieving about anything I just go back to past hurts. I don't ever get a break from it.

 

[iguazo falls]

i used to ruminate over if i was just a piece of shit or was indeed eligible to be catagorised into xyz of the DSM alot, i dont think much good comes from dwelling on it, nor dwelling if you are a "real" suicidal person or not. you stated a bunch of things like anhedonia and brainfog which is an impairment to living a happy normal life. you have other stuff wearing down on you and you know you have ideation. if you decide to get help, then i believe you shouldn't shy away from talking about what you mentioned here. you'll probably get labelled as depressed since youve kinda just listed hallmark symptoms (anhedonia etc), and not all depressed people are in crisis 24/7. the line between "clinical" and just living life as it throws shit at you is pretty thin, i wouldn't stress too much about the semantics. i think it matters more about what you feel about it rather than the validation of your experience from a professional categorisation (unless it serves to access help but i mean your opinion is central to you outside of other forces).

theres probably a lot of people here who are more in that crisis given the forum's nature, but i think if you also look otherplaces theres lots of people experiencing the same thing in terms of depression, and i feel similar too where depression is less of an overt thing and more i just don't see the point, and there is little for me to enjoy/cope with in the meanwhile. so i don't do much and i feel like shit and when i do something it's a lot of effort and i don't feel i reap the good feeling or feeling of progress from it. whether its clinical or situational no longer really matters to me, if something helps, it helps, if it doesn't, it doesnt. it's good to have a more holistic approach too, and not disregard other things happening or has happened in your life that wears you down or you feel have changed you.

 

[hurts2b]

I have anhedonia, lack of energy, lack of motivation, no hope for the future, rock bottom self-esteem, brain fog-probably more but I can't remember lol. Right now I don't even know if I'm depressed or not but I guess it comes in different forms.

I have these things as well. Perhaps minus the negative self esteem. I personally just came to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter. My life sucks. The dr thought it sucked enough to put me on antidepressants. Whether or not I call that depression.... doesn't change anything about my day to day experience.

No shame of course if you feel differently about it. You're allowed to care. I just personally dealt with it by choosing not to.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

@iguazo falls really insightful thanks. I suppose not everyone is gonna be in a crisis or suicide rates wouldn't be so low compared to the % of depressed. I also think it's easier to notice a change in mindset and get yourself help if you're not used to depression whereas my mindset has always been negative. I don't even want help except to talk through stuff. I mean I'm not adverse to ADs or anything I just can't see myself admitting to having depression.

theres probably a lot of people here who are more in that crisis given the forum's nature, but i think if you also look otherplaces theres lots of people experiencing the same thing in terms of depression, and i feel similar too where depression is less of an overt thing and more i just don't see the point, and there is little for me to enjoy/cope with in the meanwhile. so i don't do much and i feel like shit and when i do something it's a lot of effort and i don't feel i reap the good feeling or feeling of progress from it. whether its clinical or situational no longer really matters to me, if something helps, it helps, if it doesn't, it doesnt. it's good to have a more holistic approach too, and not disregard other things happening or has happened in your life that wears you down or you feel have changed you.

Yeah I'm just not happy and haven't ever been happy. I think I have BPD or something maybe. It's scary knowing I won't ever change. I mean maybe antidepressants will be this like miracle cure but I really don't see it. How can you change nearly 40 years of negative mindset? I think I knew even as a kid I was different in some way and I was destined to be alone and bitter. It's just this constant unease. I understand addicts now. I think it's a similar thing-just wanting to escape yourself or real life but you can't put your finger on why (considering everyone else apparently loves life)

I have these things as well. Perhaps minus the negative self esteem. I personally just came to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter. My life sucks. The dr thought it sucked enough to put me on antidepressants. Whether or not I call that depression.... doesn't change anything about my day to day experience.

No shame of course if you feel differently about it. You're allowed to care. I just personally dealt with it by choosing not to.

But what made you talk to the doctor about it (well done for doing that btw) did it feel like you were asking for help at the time?

 

[toocraptoolong]

I can relate, I think I just have really long time depression. Like you, lots of negative thoughts for 40 years. It's a hell of a long time to feel shit and hollow.
I have had the big mental breakdowns and suicide attempts, but also long periods of just numbness. Times when I think I've 'recovered', only to find myself back in the mire again a few months later. I've seen a few different psychiatrists and had a different diagnosis with each one, so I'm not sure if that matters much.
I have tried medications and therapy and found both helpful at times.
If you've never talked to your doctor about your mental health, I think you should give it a go. You don't really have to go in there to ask for help, just let them know that you don't feel very normal and never have. They are likely to offer you resources and medication and refer you to therapy and you can choose to do what you like. I would think about trying a medication - I always wish I would have started taking antidepressants before hitting crisis mode. Good luck

 

[TrueMelancholia]

Sometimes I read about depression (not just here) and I can't really relate that much. It's all about temporary crises and people reaching out for help because they "don't think they can keep themselves safe"-I think it's fantastic people are asking for support when they need it, but I can't really relate. I've never felt like I was in immediate danger to my life and if I was I don't think I'd care because I've wanted to CTB since forever anyway. I also have no prior attempts. I just want to have one successful attempt and be done with it. I've also never "recovered" as such. So when I see people say depression is temporary I can't really relate either. I guess they mean an acute crisis is temporary-but I don't think I've ever had one of those. Also there is absolutely nothing down on my medical records about any mental illness (I did mention anxiety to my doctors when I was discussing a physical health issue) but I've always been careful not to even hint at being depressed. I have OCD too but also not discussed this with a professional.

Is it just that I'm passively suicidal rather than in a crisis? It's so hard to know how others experience depression. Sometimes I think I'm just a miserable person with a void so I know I'll never be happy. Does anyone relate? I have anhedonia, lack of energy, lack of motivation, no hope for the future, rock bottom self-esteem, brain fog-probably more but I can't remember lol. Right now I don't even know if I'm depressed or not but I guess it comes in different forms. Or maybe I'm so used to it that I'm in severe depression but I don't care enough to reach out about it.

There are so many things that could be causing your symptoms. Yes, it could be depression, absolutely. It could be Hashimotos disease, ADD, hypothyroidism, low blood sugar, gluten, just a fun myriad of things your body can do that can cause depression like symptoms. You need to be honest with your doctor so he can test you for physical problems...that may take some time...then if he finds nothing, time to see a psychiatrist for your very own shiny diagnosis of whatever mental health issue you have. It's best to have a certified psychotherapist that specializes in testing for mental illnesses diagnose you. Whatever it is, don't hide it or you will live forever in this funky icky state. Be honest with your family doctor, he's not going to have you committed for feeling depressed. Ocd needs to be addressed by a psychiatrist preferably, because it can be pretty hellish. I, luckily, was able to mostly overcome my ocd by myself, I don't know how as it gave me so much anxiety. Plus I also did the repetition thing that freaked everyone out. They thought I was possessed or something. Doing the sign of the cross on myself 23 times 30 times a day was an...interesting, altogether frustrating experience for a pre teen.

I would seek help for this, you sound miserable. Please don't live your life this way any longer than you have to. There's no shame in admitting that you feel depressed, or any other feelings. Doctors are used to it. Make your doctor earn his pay. He's not going look at you with a quizzical stare, he's heard it all a zillion times. Make that appointment, the sooner you get it figured out, the sooner you can live the life of a 'norm'. If you're lucky, that is. Good luck!!!!

Btw, there are many types of depression that are not temporary, I have had it for many, many decades. That's what a chemical or genetic, or both, disorder causes. Also layered trauma and ptsd. On and on....