everlastinghistory
Member
- May 5, 2022
- 86
While I am slightly back in contact with a girl who said she didn't want to talk anymore, things aren't normal, and I know she's only staying 'cause she's scared I'll commit if she leaves.
I've been planning for quite some time now to kill myself in Paris since it's nicknamed "the city of love" and she's French so it evens out on both levels.
The thing is, I was looking through old messages of ours and found a conversation that went like this:
I'll still be here from time to time
Hold on to that
But don't kys
You promised
So please for the love you have for me
Don't do that
There's also another conversation where she said it would hurt her if I did it. So there's no way for me to deny that she would be hurt. I know she would be.
Now not only do I know I'd be hurting her but I also know I'd be betraying her. Some point after the conversation I explained she said me staying alive was the only proof of my love for her.
I know I'm only hurting her by making her keep talking to me but I know I can't live without her. I can hardly function through regular daily actives without her. Killing myself is the only way to stop hurting her where we both win… I'm just not sure it's worth how much I'd hurt her by doing it.
I know it's better in the long run. But imagining how much pain that would cause her at first… I hate that I'm even capable of causing her that.
I've been planning for quite some time now to kill myself in Paris since it's nicknamed "the city of love" and she's French so it evens out on both levels.
The thing is, I was looking through old messages of ours and found a conversation that went like this:
I'll still be here from time to time
Hold on to that
But don't kys
You promised
I know I promised
So please for the love you have for me
Don't do that
There's also another conversation where she said it would hurt her if I did it. So there's no way for me to deny that she would be hurt. I know she would be.
Now not only do I know I'd be hurting her but I also know I'd be betraying her. Some point after the conversation I explained she said me staying alive was the only proof of my love for her.
I know I'm only hurting her by making her keep talking to me but I know I can't live without her. I can hardly function through regular daily actives without her. Killing myself is the only way to stop hurting her where we both win… I'm just not sure it's worth how much I'd hurt her by doing it.
I know it's better in the long run. But imagining how much pain that would cause her at first… I hate that I'm even capable of causing her that.
