truthb4told
less than human
- Jan 23, 2026
- 5
before i go away, I atleast want to have her be ok. but that stupid selfish part of me is wishing to make her regret thinking so and cutting me off bcuz of her own irrational thoughts.
everything shes said in her last messages to me were the same words ive told myself to overcome my si, due to this: ive postponed my plan to ctb until i find her in a place to keep going without me. but saying that so highly about myself.. (i feel like im giving myself more reasons to ctb as time goes on. shes cut contact with me, thinking she cursed me, and i feel as im drifting thru the remaining days waiting and hoping that she'll regret her words and come running back. (i know it wont happen.))
i dont know what to do. it's a battle between trying to stay and leaving, i feel so bitter but so apologetic. but within writing this post, i feel like i should just continue on like she doesnt matter, and to ctb regardless of her feelings. but throwing out a 9 year friendship is harder than i imagined.
everything shes said in her last messages to me were the same words ive told myself to overcome my si, due to this: ive postponed my plan to ctb until i find her in a place to keep going without me. but saying that so highly about myself.. (i feel like im giving myself more reasons to ctb as time goes on. shes cut contact with me, thinking she cursed me, and i feel as im drifting thru the remaining days waiting and hoping that she'll regret her words and come running back. (i know it wont happen.))
i dont know what to do. it's a battle between trying to stay and leaving, i feel so bitter but so apologetic. but within writing this post, i feel like i should just continue on like she doesnt matter, and to ctb regardless of her feelings. but throwing out a 9 year friendship is harder than i imagined.
