Venting General thread for my vents about wanting to die

[ger3172]

welcome back!! i have missed your insights

 

[FuneralCry]

No peace in terrible, torturous existence.
No matter what I'll always see it as so incredibly dreadful and hopeless to have the ability to exist, there's no peace for me in the endless cruelty and torment that existence causes, I know that I'll only be at peace once I'm no longer burdened with this existence and existing truly is a burden, it's one so futile and torturous that I never would have chose under any circumstances.

For me existence truly is far too cruel and painful and I only feel dread for what lies ahead, it terrifies me how a conscious being can suffer to unlimited amounts in this reality where chance so senselessly determines everything just to be tortured by old age and die anyway. For me peace could only ever exist in the absence of everything where this cruel and painful existence is finally forgotten about, peace for me could only ever lie in the inability to suffer and be hurt in any way. I wish for eternal sleep to save me from the torment of existence, I only hope for permanent nothingness and I'd always prefer to not exist no matter what as only in death can I find safety from suffering, the amount of harm existence causes truly is horrific, I see it as tragic to suffer at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

Don't want to hurt again.
For me it'll always be so sad and hopeless to exist, all I want is to be eternally at peace, I don't want to hurt again in this existence that caused nothing but pain in the first place, in fact existence only ever causes me to suffer, I only hope for non-existence, I wish for eternal nothingness where all is finally forgotten about.

What is so tragic about existence is how it is so immensley cruel and how there is no limit as to how much one can be tormented, the cruelty of existence is endless and no matter what I'd prefer to be unaware of all this, I'm not suited for the torturous burden of human existence and to never suffer again, never feel or experience anything truly would be such a relief as I am tired of suffering in this existence and all I want is to never hurt again. Death for me is the only peace, all I hope for is this cruel, painful existence to disappear into nothingness, for me existence will always be the problem no matter what, I'd never want to exist, it's horrific the immense amounts of harm existence so tragically causes.

 

[FuneralCry]

Don't relate to those who see death as something terrible.
I'd never be able to relate to those who see death as something terrible, no what I have a problem with is existence, to me existence is what is so terrible as it's the source of all cruelty, torment and pain in an existence where there is endless potential for harm. Simply existing for me is tiring, dreadful and only ever causes me to suffer, no matter what I'd never wish to suffer in this existence so undesirable, instead I only wish for nothingness where I cannot be hurt in any way with all eternally forgotten about.

Ceasing to exist to me could only ever be something positive as after all it isn't like I could be harmed by the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep, I only find comfort in death and don't relate to those who act like ceasing to exist is the worst outcome when after all everything that causes one to suffer is ultimately as a result of existence and I don't want to suffer in any way. I'll always find it so terrible to exist as a conscious being in this reality filled with senseless torment, I wish for peaceful, permanent non-existence to bring me peace from all pointless suffering, for me the only peace lies in being eternally free from an existence that has caused me nothing but pain, death is always preferable to me but truly I wish I never existed more than anything.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide is the way for me to find safety from all pointless suffering.
It truly is and having the option to just painlessly die truly would save me from all future suffering in an existence that was just a terrible, tragic mistake in the first place, I only wish for the peace that only death can bring, I only wish to be saved from an existence so futile and hopeless that is destined for nothing but to decay and die anyway.

It truly terrifies me how humans can potentially suffer for so long, it scares me to think of reaching the extreme torture that is old age, existing truly is just senseless torment and meaningless suffering with all that lying ahead is way worse agony until death erases all anyway. I wish for a death like never waking again to bring me eternal relief from the cruel, torturous burden that is having the ability to exist, I'd always prefer to not exist than to be tormented by this pointless existence for decades longer just wishing for all to be gone, it's so horrific how existence causes all this immense harm, I'd never want to suffer in this reality no matter what, instead I just wish to be eternally unconscious where the torment of existence is finally forgotten about.

 

[FuneralCry]

Absence of painless methods.
I find it so immensley cruel and devastating how I cannot just access a death like never waking again whenever I wish to, the absence of painless methods to eternally escape from this existence that is so undesirable is a horrific tragedy that just leads to way more harm and suffering.

I wish we existed in a society where there is compassion to those who wish to eternally escape from this existence rather than the focus being on trapping them in their futile, torturous existences until the eternity of death erases all for them anyway. In my case I'd always prefer to not exist and I'd never wish to suffer in this existence no matter what, I find existing to be so cruel, painful and terrifying, I fear suffering in this reality where there is no limit as to how unbearable the pain of existing can get, under no circumstances would I ever wish to suffer for decades just to be tortured by old age and die anyway.

And this is why it's so terrible how I cannot just easily choose to die in peace with no risks involved, it's so terrible how there's no acceptance to preferring nothingness over suffering, it'd be such a relief for me to be able to painlessly free myself from this existence, for me the only comfort lies in being unable to suffer for all eternity, allowing the option to die painlessly truly would prevent so much meaningless torment in an existence that caused nothing but pain in the first place.

 

[FuneralCry]

Still just hoping for eternal sleep.
No matter what I'll always wish for the peace that only eternal sleep can bring, all that comforts me and appeals to me is never being able to suffer in this existence again. To simply fall asleep eternally truly would be such an overwhelming relief, only eternal sleep can bring me peace from the endless torment and cruelty this existence causes. I'm certainly tired of suffering in this existence and the suffering will only end when I die, it's so terrible and horrific the amount of harm existence causes.

I just wish to forget about it all by falling asleep eternally, to me it sounds so peaceful to simply not exist, no matter what I'd never wish for existence, to have the ability to exist as a human is so futile and torturous to me which is why it's so tragic how I cannot just fall into an eternal, dreamless sleep when I wish to. All I've ever wished for is to be permanently unconscious without the ability to suffer in this existence I never would have chose, I really just want to sleep, all I hope for is for sleep.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish I never suffered and I wish I was never hurt by existence but sadly I was.
The pain of existing is very real and always will be no matter what, it's pain that only death can ease for me.
I never want to remember anything about this existence, I just hope to permanently forget, I want this existence to be erased so I cannot suffer ever again.

 

[FuneralCry]

Nothing could make the pain of existence worth it for me.
No matter what nothing could, under no circumstances would I ever wish to suffer and hurt in this existence and the fact that I do with no way to just eternally cease existing in peace is just so terribly devastating. More than anything I wish I never suffered at all, I wish I just stayed permanently unaware, I wish that existence was never my problem but sadly it is and tragically I suffer in an existence I was never meant for that just caused nothing but pain in the first place.

The harm and torment existence causes truly is endless, it's so tragic, I wish I could fall asleep permanently and just forget about all that causes me to suffer, if it was up to me I'd choose to erase my existence so it's like I never existed, I want this all to disappear for me. All that comforts me is the thought of never hurting again, I only wish for nothingness, to exist means to suffer so unnecessarily and I don't want to suffer in any way, to me the futile and torturous burden that is human existence could never be worth it no matter what.

 

[FuneralCry]

So sad to exist.
No matter what I'll always find it so sad to exist, I find it to be such a devastating tragedy to exist as a conscious being capable of suffering to endless and unlimited amounts. For me the problem lies in existence and all I've ever wished for is to be eternally free from it, it's so terrible and cruel how I cannot just choose to die painlessly like never waking again, I only wish to never wake. I only wish for nothingness where all the immense cruelty and hurt this existence causes is eternally forgotten about, so sad how the suffering continues for me, there is so much sadness in how existing beings are tormented endlessly all while they are just waiting to die anyway in an existence so futile.

I know I don't belong here, I only belong in death, I find it so sad how I had to suffer in the first place, I'm not meant for this existence that only ever caused nothing but suffering, I'm tired of existing and always will be no matter what, the tiredness I feel is one that only eternal sleep can bring relief from.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence is just too cruel.
What I find so terrible about existence is how immensely cruel it is, it's certainly a reason as to why existing is completely undesirable to me, I could never see anything desirable about existing in this reality where there is unlimited potential to be hurt and feel pain.

I find it so tragic how existing beings suffer so senselessly in this reality where chance so cruelly determines everything, it's so cruel how existing beings are tormented endlessly, the amount of suffering in this reality truly is beyond comprehension, it's just so horrific to me how every second there is extreme agony and torture being experienced all for no reason and no purpose.

I find it terrifying to exist in this reality filled with endless cruelty, to me it's just so incredibly horrific the amount of harm existence causes and I'd never wish to suffer in this existence no matter what. I've only ever found comfort in death and only ever wished for permanent nothingness where all this is finally forgotten about, to be conscious of this terrible existence truly is so painful to me, I'd always prefer to not exist than to suffer in this immensley cruel existence, to me existence is just a terrible, horrific tragedy that caused nothing but suffering in the first place, I only wish for a painless death to free me from this reality filled with endless torment.

 

[FuneralCry]

No safety from suffering in existing.
There truly is no safety from suffering in existing and the way I see it existing is nothing but suffering, I suffer simply from being conscious and aware, it causes me to suffer how I'm awake instead of being unaware of the endless torment and cruelty that existence causes.

To me human existence truly is so tragic and terrible, it terrifies me how as long as one exists there is no limit as to how torturous and unbearable things can get, it's horrific how existing can instantly get way more painful, I find it terrifying how a human can feel such immense agony. I'll always see existence as so incredibly harmful and I'd never wish to exist in this reality filled with endless harm with the risk of suffering way more unbearably and immensely being there at all times, in my case I'd certainly always prefer to not exist.

I wish for the eternity of non-existence where I cannot suffer, cannot feel hurt or be harmed in any way, all I wish for is permanent safety from suffering as I don't want to suffer in any way and existence truly does just cause endless suffering. To me it really is devastating the amount of torment and agony in this reality, I just wish I could sleep for all eternity and finally be safe from all harm but really I wish I could erase this existence so it's like I never existed at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only finding comfort in death.
I've certainly only ever found comfort in death, all that comforts me is the thought of never existing again, it's comforting to think of being eternally relieved from all meaningless suffering in this existence so undesirable that has caused nothing but pain in the first place.

For me permanent nothingness has been all I've ever wished for, I have no interest in existing and I find human existence to be such a futile and torturous burden, more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, it terrifies me how a human can exist for so long and suffer so unbearably.

The only relief for me would lie in no longer being able to be harmed by this existence, in fact for me personally wanting to die is all I know and all that feels right as existing certainly just isn't for me and I find it such a terrible tragedy to exist, I only find comfort in the peace of an eternal sleep where all is finally forgotten about. I'll always see having the ability to exist as something so dreadful and hopeless which is why I only find comfort in the absence of it, I'd always prefer the peace of death over suffering for decades longer just to be tormented by old age and die anyway.

 

[FuneralCry]

Terrifying how this existence could continue for way longer.
The fact that this existence could potentially continue for much longer is terrifying to me, it terrifies me how humans can exist for so long and suffer so unbearably in this existence that I always found so incredibly undesirable in the first place. No matter what I'd never wish to exist, existing has just caused me nothing but pain, to have the ability to exist is just pointless suffering for me.

I just wish that there's the option to just easily die in peace with no risks and no struggle involved, I wish for a painless death like falling asleep eternally to free myself from the burden of existence, so terrible and sad how there's no straightforward eternal escape from existing with meaningless torment seen as something to so cruelly prolong no matter what.

I only hope for non-existence, I don't want to reach an old age, the thought of such is so incredibly horrific. It truly would be such a relief to simply be able to die in peace with this cruel, torturous existence finally forgotten about, I personally don't see value in prolonging the pain this existence so tragically causes rather I only find comfort in the thought of being permanently free from it all, only eternal nothingness can bring me peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I should have died a while ago but really I never should have existed.
I find it sad how I've managed to suffer for so long in this existence I was never meant for, existing truly has caused me nothing but pain. To never suffer in this existence ever again really would be such a relief, I only hope for permanent nothingness.

For me personally the less time spent suffering here would have been for the best, I should have ceased existing a while ago but in reality I never should have existed, I don't belong in this reality filled with endless torment and cruelty, existence is just too cruel and painful for me, I see it as a tragedy to be conscious and aware.
No matter what only never existing could ever be perfection for me, I wish I was never forced into existence more than anything, I'll always find it so undesirable to exist. If I never existed I never would have suffered in any way and I don't wish to suffer, instead I just wish to never breathe again.

 

[FuneralCry]

If only none of this happened, I wish more than anything it didn't, if this existence didn't happen then I wouldn't know what it's like to suffer and that is the only way I want it to be. I know I don't belong in this reality filled with endless torment and cruelty, I should have died but really I never should have been brought here at all, my existence truly is just suffering and I find it so sad how I have to suffer and hurt in this existence that was just a terrible tragedy in the first place.

I know that no matter what my suffering will only end when I die and an eternal release from this existence is all I hope for, I'd never wish for the torture of existing as a conscious being.
I'd never wish to have the ability to feel pain and be tormented to unlimited amounts, for me existence truly is the problem which is why only death comforts me, I only wish for nothingness, I never want to suffer ever again but of course I wish I never existed, I wish I just stayed eternally unaware, I'd always prefer to never exist than to know what it's like to be tormented in this existence that only ever caused suffering in the first place.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always hoping to never wake.
No matter what I'm only wishing to never wake again, only eternal sleep can bring me peace from this existence so cruel and torturous that caused nothing but suffering in the first place. I'd always prefer the eternity of non-existence over being tormented in this existence so undesirable.

I simply wish to be unaware where all is forgotten about, I hope to never wake as only then can I never suffer and be harmed by existence, I find it so tragic to suffer as a conscious being and it's horrific to me how this existence causes endless amounts of harm.

I hope to just never wake again and forget about it all, I'd never wish to remember anything in this existence that was just a painful, terrible mistake, I only wish to never experience anything. I've always and only found comfort in death, all that comforts me is the thought of never suffering again and I'd never wish to suffer no matter what, I'm always hoping to never wake as only then will I be unable to suffer, eternal sleep truly is all that sounds ideal to me, I just hope for nothingness, I wish for this painful existence to just disappear.

 

[FuneralCry]

The existence of life is the most terrible, harmful tragedy.
I'll always find it so tragic to suffer in this existence no matter what, to me the existence of life really was the most terrible, harmful tragedy, I find it so tragic how existing beings are tormented so senselessly all because they were unfortunate enough to be burdened with the ability to exist in this reality where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel.

To me existence is just undesirable in every way, it's an imposition that is so unbearably cruel, I'm just not suited for the cruelty and futility of this tragedy, rather all I'm meant for is the peace of eternal nothingness. I'd always prefer to die but really I never should have suffered at all, it's so tragic the amount of torment and harm this existence causes.

I find it so tragic how there's no straightforward way to just eternally escape from this existence with instead meaningless suffering seen as something to so harmfully prolong no matter what. All I wish for is to never suffer in this existence again, I'd personally never see any value to suffering in this tragic and torturous existence, there's no point to all the endless pain and hurt this existence causes, I wish I could erase this existence so it's like I never existed at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

No matter what I'd never wish for existence.
I truly would never wish for it, to me having the ability to exist is just so torturous, unnecessary and undesirable. I see it as a terrible burden to suffer in this existence, I wish I could just sleep for all eternity and forget about it all, I only wish for the peace that only eternal nothingness can bring.

I'd personally prefer to not exist no matter what especially as it's so painful to suffer in this world filled with endless cruelty, existence truly did cause nothing but harm in the first place and I find it deeply devastating how there is no straightforward way for me to eternally escape from all the suffering this existence causes as I don't want to suffer in any way, rather all I wish for is nothingness. For me existence is the problem as it's the source of all suffering, it's so hopeless to me to exist as a conscious being capable of feeling all this hurt and being tormented so endlessly. I know that no matter what I never would wish for this rather all I wish for is to simply be unconscious for all eternity, I'm only suited for non-existence, I'm not meant to be tormented by this existence and more than anything I wish I never was.

 

[FuneralCry]

Wish I had painless escape.
I really do wish I had an painless, eternal escape from this existence that truly has caused nothing but suffering, I wish for a death like never waking again to escape from all the hurt that this existence so tragically causes, for me death could never be something terrible but rather it's the only peace.

I only find comfort in the thought of never suffering in this existence ever again with all eternally forgotten about instead, to simply die in peace truly would bring me so much relief from all this meaningless suffering. It'd be a release from the torment of being burdened with this existence, it'd be so comforting to have an eternal escape from the pain of existing as a conscious being where there is endless potential to suffer. It's just devastating how I cannot access a death like that to escape from this existence, I simply wish to fall asleep for all eternity and I find it so cruel how there's no acceptance towards not wanting to suffer, I'd never wish to suffer, rather I only wish for nothingness instead, I'm always so tired of being trapped in this existence.

 

[Dr. Finklestein]

you're absolutely amazing…love the way you write

 

[FuneralCry]

No compassion towards how humans suffer.
There truly is no compassion for the suffering humans go through and this is shown by how euthanasia is privilege reserved for animals yet humans are denied such with the focus being on trapping them in their existences so futile and prolonging their meaningless torment until the eternity of non-existence erases all they knew anyway. Having the option to be euthanised truly would be such an overwhelming relief for me and prevent so much pointless pain in this existence that can potentially get so torturous way beyond how anyone can imagine it to yet sadly such is not the reality which is so devastating.

In my case I'd never wish to be burdened with the ability to exist, I'd never wish to suffer for decades in this existence that is so overwhelmingly cruel just to be tormented by old age and die anyway which is why it brings me so much pain how I cannot just have the option to just painlessly die in peace when I wish to. It terrifies me how humans can suffer so unbearably and exist for so long in this existence that was completely unnecessary in the first place and served no function but to cause one to suffer so pointlessly. There truly is no compassion towards the personal choice to be eternally relieved from this existence which is just beyond tragic, I'm so tired of suffering in this existence and all I've ever wished for is to never suffer again.

 

[FuneralCry]

Don't want to get old.
No matter what I'd never wish to reach an old age, the thought of such is so horrific and terrifying, it just scares me how a human can exist for so long in this reality filled with endless cruelty and torment just to deteriorate and decay, to me it's be the most devastating tragedy to suffer in this existence until old age. I'd always prefer to painlessly not exist over this immense suffering, the thought of dying slowly and painfully from old age ending up with dementia or horrifying diseases really terrifies me, for me personally I'd always prefer to avoid the torturous burden of existing as a human.

I just see human existence as a terrible, tragic mistake, I know I'm not meant to be enslaved in this hopeless existence and I'd never wish to suffer no matter what, I just wish for the peace that only eternal nothingness can bring. I simply wish to be unconscious of all the immense harm and endless torture existence causes, I'd never wish to be tormented in agony from old age in this reality where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer, I wish I could just have a death like never waking again, I only wish for non-existence, having the ability to exist as a human has caused me nothing but pain and I only have fear for what lies ahead.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just hope to sleep.
All I wish for is to sleep for all eternity, it truly would be such a relief to never wake again, for me the only relief would lie in never suffering in this existence again. Only eternal sleep can bring me peace, I'm so tired of existing, I find it tiring simply being awake, to me existing really is so hopeless and dreadful. I'd always prefer to sleep eternally but really I wish I could erase all this so it's like I never existed, I simply wish to be unaware, I wish to be eternally free from all suffering, only non-existence is ideal to me as it's the end of being trapped in this cruel, painful existence, I really hope I fall asleep.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only hoping to never suffer again.
All I hope for and wish for is to never suffer again in this existence, having the ability to exist truly is so immensely undesirable, I don't belong in this reality filled with senseless cruelty where existing beings are tormented endlessly until they die anyway.

For me personally I just don't want to suffer in any way, rather all I wish for is nothingness, I'm not meant for this futile and torturous existence. To never suffer again is all I see as ideal, I find so much comfort in the thought of an eternal release from all suffering, for me the only peace could ever lie in being unconscious for all eternity.
It's terrifying and horrific to think of being trapped in this existence for decades longer just to be tormented by old age and die anyway, I'd never wish for this, rather all I wish for is to never suffer again, I simply don't wish to experience anything at all. For me personally existence was a mistake and to suffer as a conscious being is something so terrible and sad to me, I hope to never suffer but really I wish I never suffered in the first place, existence has caused me nothing but pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only have dread and fear what lies ahead.
In this cruel, torturous existence I never would have chose in the first place I only have fear for what lies ahead, I fear suffering way more in the future, it terrifies me how one can exist for so long and suffer so unbearably, I find it so terrifying how there isn't the option of a straightforward way for me to just painlessly die even know there is literally no limit as to how torturous this can get.

Existing truly does just cause me to suffer and I'm so tired of suffering in this existence, I'd never wish for the terrible burden of existing as a human, the fact that existence causes all this immense harm truly is horrific to me, I see it as something so harmful to exist in this reality filled with endless suffering and cruelty.

What I fear is existence, I wish for a painless death to free me from all this suffering, under no circumstances would I wish to suffer for decades longer in this reality where chance so senselessly determines everything just to die in agony from old age, the thought of such will always terrify me, I wish the option to never wake again is there so I can find peace from the torment of existing, I never want to feel or experience anything again, I just want nothingness.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always tired of existing.
No matter what I'll always be so tired of existing, I find it tiring simply being conscious, I'm tired of suffering in this existence trapped with the same thoughts with no way to just eternally die in peace, all I wish for is a permanent release from this existence that has only ever caused me to suffer.

To me existence truly is the most futile and torturous burden with unlimited potential to feel pain, I never would have wanted or chosen existence, rather all I wish for is to permanently fall asleep and forget about it all, the tiredness I feel is one that only eternal sleep can bring relief from and all I wish for is to never feel anything again.

For me existence was just a cruel, tragic mistake and I wish I never existed more than anything, I wish I never suffered, I always feel so tired of it all. All that sounds appealing to me is simply being able to sleep for all eternity, I really wish that suicide is as straightforward as just choosing to never wake again, to simply be able to cease existing would bring me so much peace, I only wish for the peace that only non-existence can bring especially as I'm so tired of suffering in this existence I was never meant for.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence is just endless suffering.
It truly is, the suffering and agony that this existence causes truly is endless with existing beings forced here just to suffer in torturous existences with so many of them dying slowly and painfully until it's like they never even existed at all.

The amount of suffering in this reality truly is beyond comprehension and this terrifies me, I find it horrific how this existence causes immense amounts of harm all for no purpose and reason and no matter what I'd never wish to exist.

I find the existence of life to be the most terrible tragedy and something that causes nothing but unnecessary suffering there was never a need for at all. It just disturbs me how there is no limit as to how much an existing being can be tormented as long as they exist in this reality, the fact that one is even capable of feeling such immense agony is terrifying.

I find existence so immensely cruel as well especially as we exist in this reality where chance so senselessly determines everything where existing beings suffer all through no fault of their own, to me existence truly is nothing more than an endless cycle of suffering that just continues when new life is forced here. I'll always find it so sad to exist, existence has caused me nothing but pain, I'd never wish to suffer in this existence so cruel, instead I wish I just stayed eternally unaware of it all, more than anything I wish I was never forced into this existence filled with suffering.

 

[FuneralCry]

Not meant for existing.
I know that no matter what I could never be meant to suffer in this existence, I'm only meant for eternal nothingness, I'm meant to be permanently unconscious without the ability to be tormented and feel agony in this existence that was so immensely cruel. For me personally existence is just too dreadful and too torturous, I find it hopeless to exist as a conscious being destined to decay in this world filled with endless suffering, the burden of existing as a human is certainly something I'm not suited for and I find it so terribly devastating how there isn't the option for me to just easily die in peace to escape from this existence that only ever hurt me and caused me pain.

I wish for the option to just fall asleep eternally but of course I wish I could just erase this so it's like I never existed, to me existence truly is such a terrible tragedy, I know I'm not meant to suffer here and more than anything I wish I never did, it's always very sad to exist, for me death truly is the only relief, I only wish for non-existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only finding comfort in death.
I only find comfort in death, all that comforts me is eternal nothingness, for me the only relief could ever lie in ceasing to exist, all I wish for is an permanent release from this existence that caused nothing but suffering and so much hurt in the first place.

I just never wish to experience anything again, I see it as something so terrible to exist as a conscious being, all that existence ever causes is pain and what is so devastating is how there is no limit as to how unbearable this can get. I certainly only wish and hope for eternal nothingness, for me existence is the problem and I never wish to suffer in this existence ever again, I'd be so relieved to die as after all I only find comfort in death, ever since I became aware of what death was it comforted me, only death can bring me peace, for me peace could only exist in never suffering again. To have the option to never wake would be such an immense relief for me, I just wish to fall asleep for all eternity.