Nolan96
Mage
- Feb 12, 2022
- 506
I feel both at the same time. In some ways I'm the typical "I'm having trouble adulting" millennial who struggles with basic things. A lot of people would probably say I never fully emerged from an adolescent angsty phase. I'm skeptical about that perspective because I think a lot of "maturity" is just hiding away your real feelings and self to get a job or whatever. I was held back a grade once despite good grades due to "difficulties integrating", which basically meant I was the little socially inept loser getting picked on. I was looking at a picture of myself today from when I was twelve, doing arts and crafts of some sort. It struck me that what I was working on looked like it would have been made by a child much younger than twelve. Not just the skill-level, but the subject. Very infantile animal images. Yet I know I was already self-harming and thinking about suicide when that photo was taken. Even at age six, I remember holding a knife to my chest and desperately trying to work myself up to doing it. And my intellectual interests were always precocious and somewhat morbid. It's all so complicated.