Why is it different this time for you?

[Roseate]

For those of you who have decided that it's time, I have a question for you. What is different this time? What was your breaking point? What did you feel when you decided that you're done with this pain? What did you feel after?

 

[Darkover]

getting a brain injury completely destroyed my life and my ability to work, i'm in pain all the time i've been living with for 7 years now, but i could leave atm with the right method at hand

 

[Roseate]

getting a brain injury completely destroyed my life and my ability to work, i'm in pain all the time i've been living with for 7 years now, but i could leave atm with the right method at hand

You've been living with it for 7 years so what is different this time?

 

[Darkover]

You've been living with it for 7 years so what is different this time?

nothing is different i've been ready to leave for 7 long years just havent had the resources to do anything about it needing a peacefull method to leave i could leave atm

 

[Andarosh]

After I lost my only friend that I had after 5 years being alone. (It was my fault for destroying the friendship, she is fine and everything it´ just my fault). That made me realise what kind of person I am, and also who I used to be in the past. I found out that there is no way I can change myself, therefore I seek a way to CTB. So that the world would be better without me.

 

[Roseate]

nothing is different i've been ready to leave for 7 long years just havent had the resources to do anything about it needing a peacefull method to leave i could leave atm

I'm sorry you're going through that. I know that's not enough but I hope you find peace however that may be for you.

After I lost my only friend that I had after 5 years being alone. (It was my fault for destroying the friendship, she is fine and everything it´ just my fault). That made me realise what kind of person I am, and also who I used to be in the past. I found out that there is no way I can change myself, therefore I seek a way to CTB. So that the world would be better without me.

I'm sorry you feel that way. How do you feel with that decision?

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel as though I've been done with existing for such a long time now, in fact I've never wanted anything to do with existence at all and suicide is always what has felt right for me, in fact when life itself is the problem which it is in my case, only death could ever be the solution. My wish to die is just a logical response to being aware of this world as the reality of this existence is something that I very much despise.

Only the difficulties, risks and complications involved in actually leaving this world is what holds me back from going through with it and if it was easier to leave I would certainly be long gone at this point. To me it's certainly so tragic how we were forced into this world so unfairly yet we have to suffer so much in finding ways to leave. As time has went on, I've only wished to die more and more.

 

[enditplz]

I've been depressed my entire life. Even as a child I'd randomly be overcome with feelings of despair despite having no reason to feel that way. I'd just wake up, feel like dying, then sleeping would make it go away. So I believe I was just born this way and am predisposed to being suicidal. I pushed these feelings deep down and setup goals for myself to keep me going. Graduate high school, graduate college, get a job, buy a nice car, get married, buy a big house, etc. My latest goal was centered around my career and money. After 10 years of graduating college, I managed to become head of my department and I make a half million a year. Yet I lost my entire family in the process cause I was too caught up in pursuing my goals. I have zero friends as well cause all I did was work and have developed a really boring personality cause I have no interests outside of work. My life is very lonely now and I don't know what other goals I could strive for to keep me going. I now just regret the pain I will cause my husband when I eventually leave him.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm still not utterly certain I will CTB but I'm closer than I ever have been- I've bought everything required for my method.

I've had ideation to varying degrees for 33 years but it's been especially strong the past 9 months. I've always wanted to hang on for my Dad- that's primarily what has and does keep me here. Up until fairly recently, my creative career has what has kept me afloat. That just isn't financially stable now.

Now, I'm looking to get a regular job to just tread water for as long as I need to. Who knows- perhaps something miraculous will happen and I'll find a job I like. I very much doubt it though. I know myself- I tend to hate most jobs and most employers are exploitative in my experience. I still think it's likely that when my Dad goes, I'll finally be free to also. I feel like my suicide has just been something inevitable that took a long time coming.

 

[Roseate]

I feel as though I've been done with existing for such a long time now, in fact I've never wanted anything to do with existence at all and suicide is always what has felt right for me, in fact when life itself is the problem which it is in my case, only death could ever be the solution. My wish to die is just a logical response to being aware of this world as the reality of this existence is something that I very much despise.

Only the difficulties, risks and complications involved in actually leaving this world is what holds me back from going through with it and if it was easier to leave I would certainly be long gone at this point. To me it's certainly so tragic how we were forced into this world so unfairly yet we have to suffer so much in finding ways to leave. As time has went on, I've only wished to die more and more.

I understand exactly what you mean. I feel that way sometimes. But I'm sorry you were forced into such a cruel world. Sometimes it's aggravating because no one actually do anything to make it better but have babies, exposing those poor innocent kids into such a screw up way of life.

 

[Andarosh]

I'm sorry you feel that way. How do you feel with that decision?

I feel as it is something I must do, I don´t care much about what I´m leaving behind (parents, upcoming games or movies), it´s just that I can´t find an easy method, that´s something hard to face, though I think perhaps the best way is to look for SN, which isn´t easy to find either.

 

[Roseate]

I've been depressed my entire life. Even as a child I'd randomly be overcome with feelings of despair despite having no reason to feel that way. I'd just wake up, feel like dying, then sleeping would make it go away. So I believe I was just born this way and am predisposed to being suicidal. I pushed these feelings deep down and setup goals for myself to keep me going. Graduate high school, graduate college, get a job, buy a nice car, get married, buy a big house, etc. My latest goal was centered around my career and money. After 10 years of graduating college, I managed to become head of my department and I make a half million a year. Yet I lost my entire family in the process cause I was too caught up in pursuing my goals. I have zero friends as well cause all I did was work and have developed a really boring personality cause I have no interests outside of work. My life is very lonely now and I don't know what other goals I could strive for to keep me going. I now just regret the pain I will cause my husband when I eventually leave him.

You can take the time to find yourself maybe that's what's missing. Set little goals like going on vacations, doing something new and not you, and surely once you find yourself, you'll be able to find some genuine friends. I don't want to offend you by suggesting these. But whatever you choose to do, I hope you find peace in the end, however that may be for you.

I feel as it is something I must do, I don´t care much about what I´m leaving behind (parents, upcoming games or movies), it´s just that I can´t find an easy method, that´s something hard to face, though I think perhaps the best way is to look for SN, which isn´t easy to find either.

It's not easy either way. Good luck. If you need to talk, I'm a message away.

I'm still not utterly certain I will CTB but I'm closer than I ever have been- I've bought everything required for my method.

I've had ideation to varying degrees for 33 years but it's been especially strong the past 9 months. I've always wanted to hang on for my Dad- that's primarily what has and does keep me here. Up until fairly recently, my creative career has what has kept me afloat. That just isn't financially stable now.

Now, I'm looking to get a regular job to just tread water for as long as I need to. Who knows- perhaps something miraculous will happen and I'll find a job I like. I very much doubt it though. I know myself- I tend to hate most jobs and most employers are exploitative in my experience. I still think it's likely that when my Dad goes, I'll finally be free to also. I feel like my suicide has just been something inevitable that took a long time coming.

I hope you find something you enjoy and I get what you mean about employers being exploitive. And I'm sorry that you've had to endure years and years of pain. I really do hope you find peace, however that may be.

 

[Falseunderworld]

Because I gotta, I just gotta.

I'm tired of feeling pain, all of the time in my legs and in my back and my mind, I'm tired of people who say that I should trust them and then them just betray me anyway, I don't wanna be here anymore. I guess I just snapped. I've kind of always been on the edge, but I guess one day just pooled over and I decided to find a place to talk about these feelings without feeling judged, it's not really about anything changing in particular I guess I just always been this way then decided to do something about it

 

[Roseate]

Because I gotta, I just gotta.

I'm tired of feeling pain, all of the time in my legs and in my back and my mind, I'm tired of people who say that I should trust them and then them just betray me anyway, I don't wanna be here anymore. I guess I just snapped. I've kind of always been on the edge, but I guess one day just pooled over and I decided to find a place to talk about these feelings without feeling judged, it's not really about anything changing in particular I guess I just always been this way then decided to do something about it

I'm sorry. I know exactly what you're feeling. Sometimes, most of the time life just tears people down and there comes a time when the pieces are too scattered, too shattered to try to put it together.

 

[outrider567]

For those of you who have decided that it's time, I have a question for you. What is different this time? What was your breaking point? What did you feel when you decided that you're done with this pain? What did you feel after?

With her death 13 months ago, all I possess in my life are now just memories, a ton of them racing thru my brain--A life of just memories is no life at all

 

[Roseate]

With her death 13 months ago, all I possess in my life are now just memories, a ton of them racing thru my brain--A life of just memories is no life at all

I'm sorry you have to go through that pain.