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What keeps you alive?
Thread starterDeleted member 31858
Start date
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One last battle I have to fight. If I walk toward Austerliz, I will live but If I walk toward Waterloo, I will die. My psychological pain is already unbearable but I have to be brave and fight to to the end. I start to prepare myself if the battle go wrong.
Cowardice and tricking myself with too many false positives. Not a lot is actively holding me back, but it would be hard to manage saying goodbye to close friends for the last time before putting effort into completing my method. If it all goes wrong, I couldn't bare to see my significant other's face when I land my own health worse than it already is.
Not just proximity but relation as well, though once I'm able to get further away I think that'll help them in their recovery process a bit. It's about a year away, my plan to ctb, and as that date comes closer I'm sure I'll have hesitations regarding other things. I very much hope that my resolve stays strong in the long run. We shall see~
My life's purpose, I'm here to cure my girlfriend's depression and cure her insecurities, make her feel cherished as a person even if it destroys me.
I've helped her with her blender 3D modelling and encouraged her to lose weight, she eventually became slimmer, happier and way more energetic, now she earns over 10k$ every month and will soon buy an apartment for me and her to live in, but I'm quite depressed over the fact that I won't get to live with her because I want to pass before that, I hate being a burden and don't want my messy mind trashing her mind and her newly moved-into apartment.
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