FallenStar
Global Mod
- Oct 23, 2021
- 338
Those who already have their method ready, what is it that keeps them alive?
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Mimi_
I only deserve to suffer
- Mar 10, 2023
- 168
What keeps me alive is the delivery time of my SN.
Shadowlord900
Seeker of Darkness
- Sep 29, 2022
- 921
Waiting impatiently for Isotonitazene to arrive. XD (I could try CTBing with my Phenobarbital and Domperidone I already have, but I want to give myself better odds.)
...But I'll probably be making a few more crazy purchases after that too. ;>____________>
...But I'll probably be making a few more crazy purchases after that too. ;>____________>
stoopid
from hell
- Feb 27, 2023
- 183
Nemaki Arber
Lost soul & chat lurker
- Mar 24, 2023
- 32
For me it's getting access to a painless and highly successful method of CTB, I just cannot fathom retrying the last method after the state of disability it left me in.
If gun control wasn't so strict here I would've CTB years ago.
If gun control wasn't so strict here I would've CTB years ago.
Ki_Nam
Slow brain turdle
- Mar 23, 2023
- 125
For now, family. But might scrap that soon. Starting to think maybe I'm under false impression that I'm needed, and this is all just an illusion. There are people out there that want me dead, or wants me to stay alive so they can fuck with me a little while longer as to make me go insane rather than cutting their entertainment a little short. What ever the case may be, they want me as a sacrifice to the devil and wants me to embrace it. Which I won't.
leeloosnow
Warlock
- Aug 28, 2022
- 725
got my sn but i suck at holding on to xanax so imma have to get someone else to stash that for me till im ready to go
Illidan77
╰━≪ - ≫─╯
- Nov 22, 2022
- 121
Kids, family, few friends, dogs...
Himalayan
"Wake up to reality, nothing ever goes as planned"
- Sep 30, 2022
- 422
Borgrot
Member
- Mar 21, 2023
- 30
I want to do it because I can't stop hurting those around me. But doing it will hurt them too. So I'm stuck in limbo, but it'll tip over sometime.
pseudo_pseu
Member
- Feb 22, 2023
- 82
Cowardice, genuinely nothing else. Pretty miserable way to live
Obligation... I don't feel like I can leave while my Dad is still alive. I don't think he would get over it. I have a really strong sense of duty too. If I've agreed to do some work- I hate letting people down. If he were to go- I may stay long enough to complete whatever project I was working on.
Plus, the actual act of it frightens me. I suspect that will put me off- although I'm hoping I can overcome that when the time comes.
Plus, the actual act of it frightens me. I suspect that will put me off- although I'm hoping I can overcome that when the time comes.
WaitingToGo
Experienced
- Feb 18, 2023
- 232
My cats are keeping me going (for now) and also work strangely enough. just seeing other people in the office and what I have to do distracts me. Plus I'm a big coward, but I hope I can overcome that somehow
Huntfish34
Enlightened
- Mar 13, 2020
- 1,623
Family, friends, booze and dope. Without those I'm sure I would have been gone years ago..... Maybe, Idk anymore.
redbathingduck
Student
- Mar 20, 2023
- 146
My mom and a veryyyyyyyyy slight hope that transitioning will make things better for me eventually... though I often have my doubts if it's even worth it cause it could bring it's own difficulties. We'll see how far I get I suppose
A beating heart and lack of resolve.
espressotomato
New Member
- Mar 24, 2023
- 2
I'm currently the only living family that my father has that keeps in contact with him. My grandmother died recently and my father meant the world to her. He misses her, he's bad with communicating emotions but I know he appreciates having me in the house and having someone to care for. It would destroy him if I died, especially if I killed myself. Also, there's fear that I'd try to CTB and fail, potentially being left physically or mentally disabled and honestly just fucking humiliated. I wouldn't want to face my family after. Who would pay my bills? Wouldn't life just feel worse than it already does? I do feel like everyday is prison because I'm on earth against my will.
CellarBoy
I hope my dead body traumatizes you all.
- Mar 23, 2023
- 93
What's keeping me alive? Hope that maybe I'll find something before the date that my SN arrives, or before I plan to end it some other way. I hope to find love with a girl I know, but if things don't work out between me and her, by the time it arrives, I'll be long gone before anyone even notices.
My daughter. If I were to die she'd probably attempt herself. And she's far too wonderful for me to allow that to happen. Not my wife, that's for sure. She couldn't care the f*%# less whether I live or die.
I don't know why I'm still here, I still get tears in my eyes almost every single day, I'm just existing somehow, even though my Nitrogen Tank is calling to me all the time, I'm sure one day the call will be too strong for me to resist, if that's the right word---Recent study found widowers 65 to 69 were 70% more likely to die within a year or two after losing their spouse
stermc
libertas quae sera tamen
- Nov 24, 2022
- 950
My brother is in rehab and I don't want to get in the way of his rehabilitation. I just want to make sure my death won't tear my whole family apart. Also my dogs.
Fear mostly. Also I didn't always feel as permanently miserable as I do now going on many years, but since I still have health insurance I'm still trying a few things, losing hope though.
Trying to graduate from school has been keeping me going. But right now there are so many deadlines, so much stress. Like does it even matter? A therapist keeps telling me "why throw it all away when you're so close to being done?" Because if I'm dead it won't matter anyway!! I won't have to worry about a darn thing. But I'm still trying to stay alive so that I don't disappoint others. People pleasing. Oooof. It's a hard one to undo.
End of term is always hard. Take one thing at a time, don't think about everything you have to do. It'll be overwhelming. Finishing your classes is its own reward. Maybe it comes to naught in the end. But right now, you invested the time and energy. And you likely have the ability to see it through successfully. So you owe it to yourself to be successful.
