Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Seaghost]

I'm feeling like...don't know...existing at the outer worlds? My life on this planet should end soon. I hope someon to come and catch me up for another better universe or something.
I'm sad. I shouldn't exist anymore. I'm searching for help but not here anymore...want to pass away. With reassuring silence.
Need to be fixed but thats not possible at earth.
I'm sorry.

 

[Soulless_Death]

Depressed

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel like my mood has been yo-yo-ing a lot as of late. I usually find myself going from feeling okay-ish to feeling awful and wanting to throw myself in front of traffic throughout the day. Sometimes it gets to a point where I end up SHing. I'm so tired. My mom is aware of the fact that my mental health is declining and has so far been pretty understanding about it, which I'm incredibly grateful for. I find myself wanting to indulge in my self-destructive tendencies again. I think about doing the shit I was doing last year, like sexting older men again (though I don't think I will ever find it in me to act on these thoughts because of my love for him). I really hate this. I don't like basically having to spend my time bouncing between feeling alright and feeling like this.

I don't get why, but I always end up entering this period where I feel alright and where I am able to manage my shit, only to then start to feel my mental health decline. It's so tiring. I feel like each time it declines I always end up hitting a new low and I already felt like I hit a pretty bad new low before and now I'm scared about what could happen if I end up hitting a new low this time.

I have to see the counsellor today and I am still waiting to get a call about the psychiatrist. I want to cut myself so badly right now but I can't because I'm in class. Maybe I'll do it afterwards, idk...

 

[SVEN]

Unexpectedly optimistic because for some reason my crippling sciatica has eased off slightly.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Miffed due to people insisting that others are bad because of a label. We are all humans at the end.

 

[Britney Spears]

I want to go to CTB sooner rather than later. I've had enough, I can't take it anymore. But planning is crucial. I'll have to stick to that

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Mostly just hatred for my body. Not just for how it looks, but for how it functions. There is always a separation between me and it, an antagonism. I feel that its wants are not my own. I feel that it always wins.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Mostly just hatred for my body. Not just for how it looks, but for how it functions. There is always a separation between me and it, an antagonism. I feel that its wants are not my own. I feel that it always wins.

Oh, I can relate to that SO MUCH. Mine is like a beast inside that I'm always holding back, pulling its chains. It's tiring.

 

[EternalShore]

Very dull. Gonna do my skincare routine and hopefully feel better

does it actually make you feel better? :D

 

[Britney Spears]

Die as soon as possible

 

[VirtualSnow]

The cycle continues, and I'm really fucking tired of it.

 

[Seaghost]

Cried much in the last days. Maybe I have found a solution for myself.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I want too much, I give too little, I don't deserve it cause all I do is ask for more. more. more. moremoremoreMOREMOREMOREMOREMORE

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

haha. my parents caught me eating yew leaves, they took me to the hospital and told me, well well, because you ate these things all your hair is going to fall out, and then they took a picture of me to "show me in the future what kind of mess I got myself into" BAH YUK.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel like I can't even do the most basic tasks right. Why am I such a failure? I don't get why I am constantly switching between feeling okay-ish and feeling horrible.


God, why am I such a piece of shit. I don't get why I am even bothering to register with disability when I'm not disabled. Rationally I know that my mental health has been impacting my school work but I keep on feeling like I am just making up excuses and like I am just lying to myself because I am a lazy incompetent piece of shit and who can't do anything right. I keep on feeling like I am just making up excuses. I fucking it. I want to so badly and I can't and I feel so trapped. I hate having to continually go back forth between feeling fine and wanting to blow my brains out. I don't even get it. It's not my life had been bad or anything so why do I always feel this way? I don't get why I keep on feeling like I am just using mental health as an excuse for shit even thoughI know that isn't actually the case and even though multiple people have recognized that it is clear that something is probably going on with me. While reading shit for philosophy I keep on having issues with paying attention because I would keep on thinking about how horrible and worthless and I was and about how I deserved to die and shit. I don't get why whenever I finally get to a point where I feel fine and am able to function I always end up eventually going back to this place again. I hate it so much and I'm getting tired of constantly having to force my family and others into having to help me work through the messes I always end up creating for myself whenever this happens. I just want this all to end

 

[sukiduki]

feels kinda weird existing knowing that my life has an end date and i know what that end date is. everything is kinda in limbo kinda not. i'm making some plans but deterring plans that are past my ctb date. nothing really has meaning. i wonder if my death will matter. i know the answer in the grand scheme of things is no. oh well.

 

[CutToRelease]

Hollow. Tired. Head swimming. Unfocused. Tired. Despair. Hopelessness. Pain. Ever increasing pressure. Futile.

Bye for now.

 

[Sakura.]

Unbearable...

Unbearable...

Everything is unbearable...

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Unbearable...

Unbearable...

Everything is unbearable...

Did someone call me? Mama bear is here for you, honey! *hugs* Thanks for calling. *smiles*

 

[Cavalcade]

I've been doing a lot better as of late. Made a new friend, and have been enjoying socializing in my new hobby space- my brother has been doing a lot better, and that's helped substantially. Sometimes I still ambiently think about this forum, and how grateful I am that it exists as a place where people in unimaginable agony don't have to self censure their pain, and can find solace and comfort in people who understand what it's like.

I've learned a lot in the last while. How flaky some of those in my life are. How absolutely destructive people can be- and how I'm so much better for having excised them from my life. How pleasant it is, too, to make a new friend and enjoy a lifelong hobby. All valuable things to learn. I've been… disappointed, mostly. But I suppose it's all part of the usual turmoil of being in your twenties- friends revolving, life putting everyone on very different trajectories. Still struggling with feeling like an imposter, but I feel better about starting my Masters in the fall.

 

[granny1!]

Invisible. My daughter will not talk to me most days and I can't say anything right to her. I am also upset because I made a mistake moving in with her. Oh well. I have my suicide kit if I ever need to go.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

God, some of the mods on here are fucking idiots. I got a warning for harassment even though the said post was literally about myself. Like, how fucking dumb can you be? At the bare minimum, you could have at least asked before taking action. But thank you to the mod who decided that this was the right call of action. I was already not doing too great mentally and now I get to wake up feeling furious and like I want to throw my phone at the wall thanks to you.

 

[Sakura.]

Recently my suffering is absolutely unbearable...

As it has been for already 13 years...


If my family hadn't forced me to live, I would have left...

If they hadn't forced me to continue to suffer so much, I would have left so long ago...


Of all these years that I can't commit suicide...

...that I'm forced to live and still suffer, despite having no possibility or perspective to recover...

...nothing, absolutely nothing good has come...

 

[fleetingnight]

Too tired to do anything at all. Too depressed to even talk to my friends or watch TV. I can't stand talking to hotlines or professionals. No one wants to acknowledge the real problems. It's not that I'm sad, it's that life is horrible. "It gets better" doesn't help when you're living in a world where nazism is getting popular again and our world leaders are immature children who bitch and moan on Twitter more often than they make public statements. What's the point in trying to feel better, when I live in a world like this? But saying that gets me looked at like I'm crazy, so I don't feel like I can try to get help anywhere.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Feel like I should me more present to the people that need me. I wish I had energy to be with everyone. I have such a hero syndrome...blame Undertale.

 

[Grog]

I wish I had money to buy all the Nendoroids I wanttttt~

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Beyond mad because I had to throw out my favorite (expensive) food because my body decided last minute it didn't like it

Creative because I'm designing a costume for Pride

Generous

 

[The Unanswered Q]

Actually managed to feel somewhat alright for a few days. Unfortunately doesn't last, so back to constantly thinking about suicide.

 

[Zlo]

Mostly empty. Kind of sad, kind of peaceful. Tired too.

Exactly this! Empty, lost but since finding this site yesterday... Calm and devoted to understanding there may be something better out there. A way out of this toxicity.

 

[Grog]

I feel hungry. But, no food in this house is satisfying. Ugh...