Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[mimiopo22]

anger

 

[makingsure4]

Sickened by my vulnerability

 

[angelfeather]

Sad and frustrated.

 

[restforeternity]

Void

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

My head hurts.. again.
My heart is racing for no discernible reason.. again.
I don't know what to do with myself.. again.

I guess I'll just eat.. again.

 

[mjs135]

Tired

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Eh, it's kinda blank. I've done a lot of cooking, though I could improve. It's time I work on achieving something.

 

[salmon]

Scared that that feeling I can't describe seizes me again.

 

[signifying nothing]

Juncture. Ridden. Envious. Pious. Idiot. Musing. Amazing. Masterful. Missing. Made. Monotypical. Cruel. Survivor. Saviour. Saint. Sucker. Shameful. Abandoned. Dire. Druidic. Disaster. Done. Hidden. Forage. Mucus. Mazes. Mmmust try and get some sleep

 

[Panna]

Tired of being jealous, and wanting things I can never have.

 

[makingsure4]

Incapable and frustrated

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I am completely cornered. I had things I wanted to do before I go, I really did. But now they are pushing me into this completely horrifying predicament and now it's kind of an emergency.
I remember in one of the old-school slapstick cartoons (Woody Woodpecker, I think?) that I watched as a kid, before an annoying character was supposed to be beaten up, "the camera" was just "covered" with a screen, so all we could see were the words "you wouldn't even wish it on this guy", with comical painful yelps and sound effects of a fight playing in the background. That's the most accurate representation of what my life looks like at the moment, I believe, I am just a slapstick butt-monkey at this point.

 

[angelfeather]

Anxious. Been referred to a recovery team in my local mental health services and don't know what to expect. This is because the waiting list for therapy is a year and they don't think I can wait that long...

 

[Imgonnadie]

garbage. the torture will never end

 

[Sherri]

A bit BPD, one moment I feel ok, other hours I feel like jumping from the window, then ok again. So I fill myself with pills to make all these dark wishes go away. It's so hard to have a whole day in front of me, wish it was always nighttime.

 

[http-410]

Dissatisfied and frustrated with everything, a little annoyed, very tired and disgusted with myself.

 

[Makko]

Saturday is such a nice day for work. So is every other day, but saturday especially.

 

[wannarest]

wish I was dead already

 

[http-410]

Cornered and annoyed.

Sad.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm sick of people telling me I can find someone, and that includes me. I'm sick of myself telling me I can do this. I've been on multiple apps every day but I have yet to find anyone there I like enough to swipe right on and the people who do like me end up being clearly men (even though my preferences are exclusively women) or women that I wouldn't be into for whatever reason. I wish I could just fully commit to giving up altogether. I'm already turning 27 in a few weeks.

Sure maybe that's not too late to find someone but it is too late to have never been in any kind of relationship at all. I haven't even held someone's hand in a loving way much less kissed or whatever. What kind of woman around my age would actually be stupid enough to be with someone as inexperienced as that? I sometimes wish I could just lower my standards and get into a relationship with just anyone but I'm so worried of how guilty I'd feel if I don't really love whoever they are and it would ruin me even more. Then again even if I did love them I'd be constantly doubting whether they love me back and I'd probably put them through too much suffering.

So stop trying to convince me there's hope. I already know there isn't. And stop trying to convince me I don't need this kind of thing, the messed up thing about this is that I do. I need this thing if I want to live and I've been so starved of this kind of thing for all my life. I don't care that it won't be as glamorous as I expect of course I know that but the air won't get any cleaner just because I need it. I still need it and to tell me I don't is laughable even if it will be disappointing. If anything I need to find that out for myself so that I can stop wanting it but it has to be with all the right conditions before I can say I've truly experienced it.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore but this ramble is yet another selfish disgusting display of my inner desires. I wish someone would just kill me. People like this get killed all the time on the internet, right? Maybe right before I die I really will hire an escort or something just so I can experience something like that in my last moments...

 

[angelfeather]

Knackered. I've put a step count app on my phone and was so agitated I needed to get out the house. I reached my goal for today which is a positive but can feel my mood dropping now I'm back home. :/ I so prefer being outside.

 

[sadgirl2002]

Hopeful... I will soon everything that I need for my departure from this vile world. I can only hope it arrives soon <3

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Slow in the head, going to bed soon. Nothing good comes from posting when you're not exactly indefatigable.

 

[daddy Phil :)]

How tf am I ever going to ctb I'm too weak...

 

[readyforsleep]

I feel lost and confused and broken. I literally don't know what to do. I've tried to ctb but it hasn't worked. I've had a lot of "help" but it didn't help. I jsut want to die but at the same time even that doesn't sound good anymore. I've ruined my life so why can't I just end it? I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate the choices I've made. I hate that no one seems to really care. I feel guilty because my life isn't even that bad. I feel so alone and I know that it's all my fault but I don't know what to do. I should've just killed myself years ago. I wish someone would kill me so I don't have to do it. I fantasize about someone walking up behind me and shooting me in the back of the head. Why won't this hell end? I legitimately wonder if I'm in hell sometimes because I'm not sure if anything could be worse. This has just been going on for so long I need it to stop. I feel tortured. I can't keeping doing this but I can't manage to end it. Is this some sort of cruel joke? Please I need it to stop. Please.

 

[MrBlue]

Hopeless. My hair is beginning to fall out and recede very quickly. If it was just that I'd be ok with going bald, but it's adding to the mountain of other deplorable, revolting traits I have and I'm fed up of being a monster. I'm going to literally look like my profile pic in the next couple years if I don't ctb.
Despite finally moving forward on my job application, I just don't see the point in trying to live. Looking like I do I'll never find love, and I can't just live another 50 years+ just for work.

 

[angelfeather]

Mixed emotions. I've had a relatively okish day. Visited a family member and went for a walk which helps clear my head. Tomorrow I have to speak to my Dr so I know all my negative emotions will be bought back out again discussing things. Hate it.

 

[makingsure4]

Pain. I managed to get ahold of one of the old r2d rebreathers and some of the soda lime came out which is highly hazardous and toxic and it burned my skin and gave me nerve pain. Had to throw it away. It was said you could change out the soda lime but I think you'd have to have a hazmat suit and mask to do it. I guess the new ones are better. That websight is up again but I'm not as enthused. He's still not selling anything but at least there is something there.
Now I feel like my apt is contaminated from the soda lime and it feels unsafe here now. I'll probably be going sooner rather than later.

 

[restforeternity]

Crippling anxiety, prospective job I'm hoping to get so that my kids can eat.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

You when you're suicidal and then something happens and you stop being suicidal and then you realize that nothing actually happened and you're back to being suicidal?