signifying nothing
-
- Sep 13, 2020
- 2,553
stygal
low-wage worker
- Oct 29, 2020
- 1,732
The thing is - in my heart I know that even in my dream life with a healthy body and more hobbies I wouldn't be satisfied enough to want to keep going and that's a soul crushing feeling.
I just feel extremely empty.
I just feel extremely empty.
NodusTollens
☾
- Nov 17, 2020
- 989
I'm a terrible person who deserves to die. I know I should see her or talk to her, but even still I'm planning to CTB. She could die & I am more worried about CTB. Traumatic memories plague me, yet still I should swallow my pride & see her? Why should I re-traumatize myself? The last time we spoke I was thrown out, the time before that I was sent into a severe panic attack & sectioned for a week in the hospital psych ward. What is happening to my life & my plans?! Where is my peace... my freedom? 
Sprite_Geist
NULL
- May 27, 2020
- 1,593
"Why do people keep saying the same phrases every day? It is always 'I am sorry for your loss' this, or 'How are you feeling' that. I cannot take hearing it anymore."
I feel angry. My suicide method plans are far from perfect. Hope they work. Angry about the rebreather. Angry about other stuff.
http-410
nowhere
- Sep 12, 2020
- 1,043
CyanideSoup
Memento mori
- Oct 1, 2019
- 463
So fucking angry. The mental health team are still refusing to help me and keep saying that the only thing I need is to be referred to DBT therapy. I told them that I was sexually assaulted a few weeks ago and it's brought up even more old trauma and I don't know how to cope and their response was oh the DBT will help so we will just keep pushing for that. No support to deal with it now. Just wait. Today I got a letter from the DBT people and I am on a 26 MONTH waiting list. Im done. I already felt hopeless and on the edge but I'd been holding out to see what happened. And I can't even get to the place I want to CTB because of covid travel restrictions. So I'm trapped here being tormented by the fucking voices in my head and the traumatic flashbacks. I just want it to stop
NodusTollens
☾
- Nov 17, 2020
- 989
I'm so sorry, love. I waited about that long for the same therapy too. HUGS. I can understand your feelings of pain & hopelessness.
PM if you want to chat.
http-410
nowhere
- Sep 12, 2020
- 1,043
Hopeless, depressed, desperate, numb. I'm thinking about going back to the train tracks. Just to watch the trains... to fantasize how it would feel and look like. To realize that I can get out at any time. To calm me down.
I feel I shouldn't be here. I did something very stupid today, could have ended bad (or good). After a very long time I ate almond nuts again, used to be my favourite. Apparently my allergic reaction to almonds have worsened to the extend that i could barely breath. This wasn't always the case, a year ago i got an itchy throat and that was it.
I was hoping I wouldn't survive so I did not seek medical attention. It was horrible but it gives me hope that choosing to die on my own accord and with a less painful method is within reach. So in a sense i feel that today was a productive day, weird huh
I was hoping I wouldn't survive so I did not seek medical attention. It was horrible but it gives me hope that choosing to die on my own accord and with a less painful method is within reach. So in a sense i feel that today was a productive day, weird huh
NightmareTour
Specialist
- May 13, 2020
- 398
I feel like I'm drowning in the middle of an empty ocean. Sometimes I can float for a little while, or find something to hold onto, but I always get pulled back under. I know now that there's no land in reach and nobody is coming to help. I'm so tired and I'm getting weaker by the second, I know I can't keep it up, but I can't seem to figure out how to just let myself sink because swimming for my life is all I've ever done.
Last edited:
*Hope*
Student
- Jan 18, 2021
- 112
Feeling embarassed and humiliated. It's like i'm being punished for something I had no control over. I can't even go outside, because seeing people walking around me is a reminder that i'm inferior and there's no way I can fix it.
GrumpyFrog
Exhausted
- Aug 23, 2020
- 1,913
I want to live to experience all the beautiful things I can imagine. But I also want to die ASAP to escape the actual limited, grim reality of my life. Life is so beautiful in theory, but so much of it is either painful, terrifying, or just painfully monotone and bleak in practice, unless you were dealt a really nice hand and aren't a player awful enough to blow it anyway.
newave3
I want out
- Nov 21, 2020
- 2,795
Nicely put. I especially like " swimming for my life is all I've ever done", which is an imaginative way of describing your survival instinct.
JustHeckinKillMe
Cool I'm dead
- Sep 26, 2019
- 122
signifying nothing
-
- Sep 13, 2020
- 2,553
Going Home
Specialist
- Sep 21, 2018
- 357
I'm sorry that's happening to you. I hope it stops.
I hope you feel better.
painoflife
Arcanist
- Jul 27, 2019
- 491
I feel both lonely and overwhelmed/crowded by people at the same time. I am upset they don't show any care or compassion towards me but I always give the impression I am "fine" so I can only blame myself for that. Nobody cares about me and they only bother with me when it suits them and they want something from me. I am worthless.
Sad. Lonely. Ready for bed. Wishing to have no body. Fearful of what can happen like losing my freedom for the rest of my life if I mess up and suicide unsuccessfully. My plans. Two options. Neither perfect. Bored.
I need someone to help me. I want to die and I know the only way for me guaranteed to work before I get found is to jump. How do I get the courage to jump though? I want to die so badly but I get so scared at the last opportunity and then the police end up finding me. Does that mean I don't really want to die or what?
Mentalmick
IMHOTEP!!!
- Nov 30, 2020
- 2,050
That's survival instinct. It's only when you're at the very end that you know if you genuinely want to die or not. I struggle with this myself and I keep asking myself why I am still alive if I hate life so much but I never get an answer.
Ender
..
- Dec 29, 2020
- 269
Going Home
Specialist
- Sep 21, 2018
- 357
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,794
Anger at my doctor to keep giving meds I don't need. Meds that will turn my head into a mush , not taking any of those things. He stared with 3 on my first visit, now he wants for me to take like 8 pills a day, who aren't doing shit. Money down the drain. I'll be my own doctor starting for today . F you pharma companies.
Mentalmick
IMHOTEP!!!
- Nov 30, 2020
- 2,050
I just want to end it all. The anxiety and depression is overwhelming me. I cant even function anymore. My wife left me after 14 years and my kids all pretty hate me and blame me for everything. I wish I would just die. Nothing left for me here
Deleted member 22624
One foot in the grave
- Oct 7, 2020
- 1,085
Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
I am??? Ugh I don't even have the words I'm struggling so much and the people around me are adding to it sooo much...
I'm finding it really hard to get back some energy in me.
I'm getting more and more suicidal again. I've been giving it my all. Om not ready to give in or up yet but I'm fuckin tired...
I wish I wasn't on my own in such an extreme way. While also reliant on others to a severe degree.
I'm finding it really hard to get back some energy in me.
I'm getting more and more suicidal again. I've been giving it my all. Om not ready to give in or up yet but I'm fuckin tired...
I wish I wasn't on my own in such an extreme way. While also reliant on others to a severe degree.
Similar threads
Discussion
Feeling attached to someone that hurt you.
- Gstreater
- Suicide Discussion
Suicide Discussion
-Link-
