SpencerSees
I want to swim until my arms give out 🍀
- Feb 22, 2023
- 160
I failed my first huge exam in university, which means I'll have to retake all my lamguage courses. It doesn't sound so bad written out, but it feels terrible. I know my parents, my teachers are disappointed in me. I know they know I'm stupid. I couldn't hide it forever.
My friends probably pity me. My boyfriend took it as another proof of uni being really hard, so he's upset too.
I relapsed as well. I thought the familiar burn of cuts would make the feeling solidify, make the disassociation i've been going through since opening the email stop.
It just made me feel stupid. I've been on this website for almost 4 years now. I'm still in this same hole. I got new meds, my paremts got better. I should be better too. My old best friend used to be on this site too. She got out. She's out there, being normal. I'm not mad at her for that, but I have to say I'm a little jealous.
Every single day I dissappoint the people around me. I don't even know if I can tell my therapist that I relapsed. She might call my father, which would be really embarrassing. God, someone with violent intentions, genuinely just kill me. I feel too tired to do it myself.
My friends probably pity me. My boyfriend took it as another proof of uni being really hard, so he's upset too.
I relapsed as well. I thought the familiar burn of cuts would make the feeling solidify, make the disassociation i've been going through since opening the email stop.
It just made me feel stupid. I've been on this website for almost 4 years now. I'm still in this same hole. I got new meds, my paremts got better. I should be better too. My old best friend used to be on this site too. She got out. She's out there, being normal. I'm not mad at her for that, but I have to say I'm a little jealous.
Every single day I dissappoint the people around me. I don't even know if I can tell my therapist that I relapsed. She might call my father, which would be really embarrassing. God, someone with violent intentions, genuinely just kill me. I feel too tired to do it myself.
