Standing at a bridge the height of a house

[crowbait]

I planned to wait until the spring to leave at least, so that I'd have time to get an anti-emetic and everything together, but things just got really bad. I really feel like I need to go tonight, so I drank as much as I could stomach and grabbed my knife and walked to the nearest bridge. But it's shorter than I remember, the height of like a basic one story house. So the impact is not gonna kill me. But the water is freezing cold, and ( also can't swim and am wearing three coats that are heavy, and heavy combat boots. Would that make it anymore likely? And the knife- I don't want to hurt myself if it won't kill me. This is half a request for advice and half a vent. My life is totally falling apart and I'm kicking myself for not having everything ready by now. I was gonna order SN in a week or two and going by my spring plan I thought that was far in advance and was so proud of myself.
I would hang myself but I don't have anywhere to tie it from, no shower and my doors are all short

 

[downndone2]

It sounds like you may need to keep planning method. Everything you've described sounds miserable and like you'd wake up on a bed somewhere. Peace to you

 

[Outandproud]

Go back to sleep sweetie i know it's hard

 

[Anon1337]

Don't ctb impulsively.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, that method just sounds so risky, it sounds so horrific to me failing ctb and just suffering more. But I understand wishing to leave this world so badly, of course existing certainly can be torture.