so what

[imtryingmybest]

it's so easy for people to say "oh but you're so talented" or "people care so much about you" or similar stuff
so what if i'm talented? what does that matter if i'm not happy?
and i know that people care about me, and i know that my death would hurt them greatly. i know because i've been on the other end of it far too many times as well. but if they don't really know me, they only know the happy version of me that comes out when i'm around others. they don't know a thing about the pain that sets in the moment i'm alone. if they really knew me, they would understand that my death is inevitable and a relief for myself.
i'm so tired of being completely unable to form close friendships with anyone my whole life and unable to express this pain to anyone. if only SN were easier to obtain, or maybe if i was less afraid of pain and/or failure, I would probably be dead by now

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing certainly can be so painful and tiring, of course others would never be able to understand what you go through as they cannot experience life the same way. I also see death as being a relief, in fact leaving this world would be the only thing that could ever be close to a relief for me. It certainly is very unfortunate how suicide is this difficult.