Chocomel
Chocolate Milk
- Jan 13, 2024
- 145
I just realized recently that I actually a people pleaser. At first I never notice this behaviour, I even call those people that become 'people pleaser' are dumb because what do you mean you don't put your well being first, instead you decide to put other well being first. Well, I guess now I know why. For me the reason is because I'm afraid of what other people think of me. For example, I always try my best to be as sociable as possible when I am with my friends because I'm afraid they would think I'm too quite or not engaged enough. Another example would be me always appear happy when I am home because I'm afraid they would think I'm sad or miserable living with them.
Now, I actually want to talk about the title of this thread. Because my life always revolve around other people, whenever its time for my alone time, I literally don't know what I want to do. Because there's no other people judging me, and therefore I don't have to perform anything. Back then I always resort to doomscrolling and in general just doing whatever using my phone. But now that I am sick even using my own phone, I realized that I actually don't know what I want to do. Like, idk. I feel like I should be grateful of this alone time because this is the time I can be myself. But I don't even know myself. I don't know what I like, I don't know what I dislike, what is my hobby, what is my talent, I don't know what interest me. I mean, sometimes, I know what I want to do. Like that one time I draw traditionally on paper, or that one time I play piano using my keyboard. I was feeling less bad. But its just a little spark, I never do any of those again, except when I doing the Recovery Challenge and they told me to draw, which again, I'm doing it because other people are involved. I truly lost all my personality trying to fit in into other people lives.
I always confused on what to do when I'm alone, any tips so I can get out of this?
Now, I actually want to talk about the title of this thread. Because my life always revolve around other people, whenever its time for my alone time, I literally don't know what I want to do. Because there's no other people judging me, and therefore I don't have to perform anything. Back then I always resort to doomscrolling and in general just doing whatever using my phone. But now that I am sick even using my own phone, I realized that I actually don't know what I want to do. Like, idk. I feel like I should be grateful of this alone time because this is the time I can be myself. But I don't even know myself. I don't know what I like, I don't know what I dislike, what is my hobby, what is my talent, I don't know what interest me. I mean, sometimes, I know what I want to do. Like that one time I draw traditionally on paper, or that one time I play piano using my keyboard. I was feeling less bad. But its just a little spark, I never do any of those again, except when I doing the Recovery Challenge and they told me to draw, which again, I'm doing it because other people are involved. I truly lost all my personality trying to fit in into other people lives.
I always confused on what to do when I'm alone, any tips so I can get out of this?
