Venting guilt over leaving best friend

[ultima_necat]

whenever i ctb next week or next year, i know that my best friend will take it very hard because we're basically each other's everything and it feels incredibly selfish to abandon her.

she also has a lot of mental health issues and talks about ctb as well and if i leave, i'm pretty sure it'll cause her to leave too.
i don't know what i could do about it because trying to pull away before (not because of her but because i feel like our misery loop and i'm just making her feel even worse) ended badly.
i know that the solution is just to stay alive and i've been trying and she's the only reason i've made it for the past six years but i'm just getting so tired

i basically don't care about anyone else in my life nearly as much, and the people i do feel bad about leaving all have other people they're close to anyway so they wouldn't take as much of a blow.

anyway yeah i'm not sure what to do

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

I have it the same, mate. Great friend I've got has been trying to help me ever since I told him about my problems. Fuckin' kills me, watching him suffer for me. Sorry I can't offer a solution, m8, hope you find one.

 

[SASU-KE]

You can't be alive for anyone else other than yourself. It's you putting in all the work. You shoulder all the burden.You gotta decide.