psychedelics and death

[NaturalBornNEET]

last night I did 6g of shrooms

I didn't realise shrooms could be so visual. I always had the idea in my head that it was just seeing slight patterns on things, breathing, warping, tracers, etc. As the trip began I decided to do something I was warned against, which was to look at my own face in the mirror, and it was the best decision I have ever made in my life.

What I saw was ugly, ugly, just so ugly. When I first appeared in the mirror my face looked strange and malevolent, gave off the vibe of reptilian humans conspiracy nuts talk about. Then very quickly it started to warp into this extreme asymmetry and take on deathly colours (which curiously is the complete opposite to how my face looked on a sub-breakthrough dose of dmt, which made my face extremely symmetrical and take on vibrant hues like purple and blue).

I then started to rapidly age within seconds and then I turned into a rotting corpse, I blinked and my face reset before again quickly morphing into some other Grotesque form, this time my face started to balloon into multiple tumors and then insect anatony started to erupt, becoming more and more alien and abstract, then I blinked again and my face reset and then the unfolding of eldritch horrors began again, resetting with every blink and strating over again. This went on hundreds of times each time taking on a new grotesque, ugly, comical, alien, abstract configuration.

The longer I was able to maintain the "hallucination" without resetting it by blinking the more abstract it would get, it would get so abstract that my face would unfold out into and merge with the environment.

Then the peak happened, I was able to hold my eyes steady for long enough for my face to completely glitch out with abstraction, and then this quickly spread to all my senses and I was quickly overtaken with ig the "ineffable". It felt like I was entering a white screen of death of reality, material reality was crumbling and I was almost free and then I quickly snapped back.

This is the point where the magic began, genuinely, I think I can call the state I was in a spiritual enlightenment. Everything, I just loved everything. Everything spoke to my soul, I felt like i was in perfect synchronicity with everything that was unfolding in consciousness. I felt this atavistic force and childlike wonder all throughout everything. Everything I saw was true, everything I saw was truth, I couldn't escape truth. Everything was love, I realised death is love. Death is love. Death is love. My death is love! I genuinely felt I had transcended suffering, so much so I wanted to go out and purposefully inflict intense physical or emotional pain on myself to see how consciousness would react.

It was ecstacy. "I" realised nonduality. "I" realised I'm creating everything within consciousness, that I'm fully responsible for everything and that everything is a manifestation of "my" will. That all my life I've been offloading authority and responsibility to things "outside" of myself. I felt a deep love and tenderness for my human form.

Psychedelics don't lie, humans lie. All the self hate I've carried my life, this self hate that is the reason I'm on this forum in the first place, shrooms validated that, it showed me the truth, that I'm an ugly, disgusting, selfish lump of flesh that will die. It taught me to love myself, not necessarily the human (though that is love too, even if ugly), but my true self.

I didn't want to leave. I wondered if this state of enlightenment would last forever.

But it didn't

It wore off slowly

Then I slept and woke up the next day and now im here

I'm not too sure how I should go forward from here, shrooms showed me what's possible and I know what I have to do to get back to that state of consciousness (not more drugs lol), but it's gonna take a lot of discipline. Discipline I've never had and I'm not sure I'll ever have

But yknow a lot of my fear around physical death has dissipated now, genuinely I don't even believe it's a thing anymore.

Guess something people can take away from this ramble is psychedelics could be a way to lower SI, but it could also do the opposite, it's as subjective as drugs can get in the end.

 

[jpeq]

It was ecstacy. "I" realised nonduality. "I" realised I'm creating everything within consciousness, that I'm fully responsible for everything and that everything is a manifestation of "my" will. That all my life I've been offloading authority and responsibility to things "outside" of myself. I felt a deep love and tenderness for my human form.

Love that line. I personally haven't done shrooms, (it's on my list of things to try lol) but I reached a similar conclusion coming out of a OD induced mental breakdown and kind of live by it now. Reality is shaped by how we perceive things and what we perceive and outside of that nothing else really exists, in a sense. Nothing is impossible, nothing is out of reach, you alone are in control of yourself and your reality. And while of course some things may be beyond your direct control, there will rarely ever be a situation in which there's only one option, or only one door to go through. I try to treasure and make the most of the short time that we're given because of it, even if I eventually cut it short.

 

[RadiantNumber]

I took acid and shrooms many time, it helped me to understand everything

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I took acid and shrooms many time, it helped me to understand everything

No it didn't. People need to realize that psychedelics don't give you the answer to anything. All they do is change the way how you think and perceive the world around you. Any conclusions you come to while tripping will be fully based your knowledge, past experiences, biases, and so on. I've seen a lot of people come to incredibly wacky and dumb conclusions before, ones that are poorly thought out and that don't hold very well to scrutiny. Psychedelics don't help you understand shit. They are just drugs.

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

They are just drugs.

Arbitrary category. You could also see it as a fungus, a food, a molecule. I could categorise anything I want as a drug: romance, junk food, information, trauma.

From the materialist paradigm it's just molecules doing stuff to your brain, but your entire brain is just molecules doing stuff. Why do you believe the configuration of brain molucules you were born with, the configuration you have right now (that's always changing btw) is the correct one to discern the truth? Why can't it be just as liable to fooling itself as a brain configuration tripping on drugs?

Also "psychedelics don't give you the answer to anything", is absolutist and silly, you could've said they don't give you the answer to everything and thatd be believable, but ANYTHING? Just that absolute itself shows you're coming at this from a complete black and white dichotomy

Any conclusions you come to while tripping will be fully based your knowledge, past experiences, biases, and so on.

True, I became hyper aware that I'm actually completely trapped in my own mind and that's all that can be known. And you're right that what psychedelics show you will almost always be misinterpreted and even weaponised, and I'm just as susceptible than anyone else, the best mental space to come at this from is to know how much the mind deceives and to always look out for ways it's doing so


I did get a bit emotional too when writing out that post, tbh I've completely descended from that state of consciousness so it's hard to really feel what I felt then

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Arbitrary category. You could also see it as a fungus, a food, a molecule. I could categorise anything I want as a drug: romance, junk food, information, trauma.

From the materialist paradigm it's just molecules doing stuff to your brain, but your entire brain is just molecules doing stuff. Why do you believe the configuration of brain molucules you were born with, the configuration you have right now (that's always changing btw) is the correct one to discern the truth? Why can't it be just as liable to fooling itself as a brain configuration tripping on drugs?

Also "psychedelics don't give you the answer to anything", is absolutist and silly, you could've said they don't give you the answer to everything and thatd be believable, but ANYTHING? Just that absolute itself shows you're coming at this from a complete black and white dichotomy

No, you can't. A drug refers to a substance, besides food (and any sort of nutrient), that produces biological effects on the body. Information, trauma, and romance are not substances and junk food is food. They cannot be classified as drugs.

Your entire post seems to just be you spouting a bunch of random jargon rather than actually addressing any of the points I made directly. Saying that psychedelics don't give you answers is also not an example of a complete black and white dichotomy. Do you even understand what that even means, or are you just busy throwing around a bunch of terms you found from baby's first dictionary, lol?

 

[ylenol]

From the materialist paradigm it's just molecules doing stuff to your brain, but your entire brain is just molecules doing stuff. Why do you believe the configuration of brain molucules you were born with, the configuration you have right now (that's always changing btw) is the correct one to discern the truth? Why can't it be just as liable to fooling itself as a brain configuration tripping on drugs?

Don't mind this one, anchored so deep in the 2D plane, they're unable to grasp even the simplest figurative meaning of the word drug. They're unable to perceive anything beyond materiality, enslaved by their senses. As they themselves said, drugs can alter your ability to perceive and understand, new perspectives bring answers and expand your scope.

Your entire post seems to just be you spouting a bunch of random jargon rather than actually addressing any of the points I made directly. Saying that psychedelics don't give you answers is also not an example of a complete black and white dichotomy. Do you even understand what that even means, or are you just busy throwing around a bunch of terms you found from baby's first dictionary, lol?

You're clearly looking for a fight, no need to patronize them.

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

No, you can't. A drug refers to a substance, besides food (and any sort of nutrient), that produces biological effects on the body. Information, trauma, and romance are not substances and junk food is food. They cannot be classified as drugs.

Food, information, trauma, romance, etc. literally do produce biological effects. Food can make you fat, trauma, especially childhood trauma, rewires the brain and can reduce the volume of different brain areas. Ideas and philosophies can affect you biologically, a hard-core monk could starve himself to death for the sake of his ideas, that's a physical change to the body right there. And romance too, ever heard of oxytocin?

Your entire post seems to just be you spouting a bunch of random jargon rather than actually addressing any of the points I made directly. Saying that psychedelics don't give you answers is also not an example of a complete black and white dichotomy. Do you even understand what that even means, or are you just busy throwing around a bunch of terms you found from baby's first dictionary, lol?

Dichotomy = division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.

"Psychedelics don't give you the answer to anything"

Vs

"Psychedelics give you the answer to everything"



Though me calling it "black and white" was redundant

 

[divinemistress36]

Thats beautiful thank you for sharing . I hope to try shrooms with a therapist guiding me through one of these days

 

[Saponification]

last night I did 6g of shrooms

I didn't realise shrooms could be so visual. I always had the idea in my head that it was just seeing slight patterns on things, breathing, warping, tracers, etc. As the trip began I decided to do something I was warned against, which was to look at my own face in the mirror, and it was the best decision I have ever made in my life.

What I saw was ugly, ugly, just so ugly. When I first appeared in the mirror my face looked strange and malevolent, gave off the vibe of reptilian humans conspiracy nuts talk about. Then very quickly it started to warp into this extreme asymmetry and take on deathly colours (which curiously is the complete opposite to how my face looked on a sub-breakthrough dose of dmt, which made my face extremely symmetrical and take on vibrant hues like purple and blue).

I then started to rapidly age within seconds and then I turned into a rotting corpse, I blinked and my face reset before again quickly morphing into some other Grotesque form, this time my face started to balloon into multiple tumors and then insect anatony started to erupt, becoming more and more alien and abstract, then I blinked again and my face reset and then the unfolding of eldritch horrors began again, resetting with every blink and strating over again. This went on hundreds of times each time taking on a new grotesque, ugly, comical, alien, abstract configuration.

The longer I was able to maintain the "hallucination" without resetting it by blinking the more abstract it would get, it would get so abstract that my face would unfold out into and merge with the environment.

Then the peak happened, I was able to hold my eyes steady for long enough for my face to completely glitch out with abstraction, and then this quickly spread to all my senses and I was quickly overtaken with ig the "ineffable". It felt like I was entering a white screen of death of reality, material reality was crumbling and I was almost free and then I quickly snapped back.

This is the point where the magic began, genuinely, I think I can call the state I was in a spiritual enlightenment. Everything, I just loved everything. Everything spoke to my soul, I felt like i was in perfect synchronicity with everything that was unfolding in consciousness. I felt this atavistic force and childlike wonder all throughout everything. Everything I saw was true, everything I saw was truth, I couldn't escape truth. Everything was love, I realised death is love. Death is love. Death is love. My death is love! I genuinely felt I had transcended suffering, so much so I wanted to go out and purposefully inflict intense physical or emotional pain on myself to see how consciousness would react.

It was ecstacy. "I" realised nonduality. "I" realised I'm creating everything within consciousness, that I'm fully responsible for everything and that everything is a manifestation of "my" will. That all my life I've been offloading authority and responsibility to things "outside" of myself. I felt a deep love and tenderness for my human form.

Psychedelics don't lie, humans lie. All the self hate I've carried my life, this self hate that is the reason I'm on this forum in the first place, shrooms validated that, it showed me the truth, that I'm an ugly, disgusting, selfish lump of flesh that will die. It taught me to love myself, not necessarily the human (though that is love too, even if ugly), but my true self.

I didn't want to leave. I wondered if this state of enlightenment would last forever.

But it didn't

It wore off slowly

Then I slept and woke up the next day and now im here

I'm not too sure how I should go forward from here, shrooms showed me what's possible and I know what I have to do to get back to that state of consciousness (not more drugs lol), but it's gonna take a lot of discipline. Discipline I've never had and I'm not sure I'll ever have

But yknow a lot of my fear around physical death has dissipated now, genuinely I don't even believe it's a thing anymore.

Guess something people can take away from this ramble is psychedelics could be a way to lower SI, but it could also do the opposite, it's as subjective as drugs can get in the end.

Well that sounds pretty awesome. Doing psychedelics is probably number one on the list of things I'd do before dying.

 

[katara]

Thats beautiful thank you for sharing . I hope to try shrooms with a therapist guiding me through one of these days

Ya be careful tho so many people get genuine psychosis or schizophrenia from it. Even from dmt there was a YouTuber who did that and thought he was god for a while.