boilingfishcakes
맛있는 오뎅!
- Jun 14, 2026
- 19
Title is pretty self explanatory.. I'm posting this here because I have nobody to talk to about this. Sorry for the length. I'll put a tldr at the end
I have autism and it can be hard for me to talk to people and make friends...as well as being able to read people, follow social cues, and talk to others like a normal human being. I was also severely abused all my childhood so I'm skittish and afraid of other people.
My husband is Korean so I moved to South Korea and lived there for a few years. In 2024 we moved back to my home country, America. When I moved back, I had an even harder time trying to fit in and talk to people.. it was so bad that I couldn't go out to eat or talk to the cashier when I was grocery shopping...
So I joined Facebook and joined a few meet up groups. I really pushed myself to go out and talk to people ... even if it was really scary. After some time, I even made friends and we made a group chat on another platform to talk in. So I deleted my fb account. This detail is important for later .
I thought I was doing so good... even my husband said he was proud of me. It felt nice to have people who actually wanted to talk to me. After some time I became friends with another woman and we became very close.
I'll spoiler what started a lot of this since it's pretty long.
Since then, I have developed somd health issues that leave me disabled and unable to hold a proper job. I am too sick to leave my house most of the time. It's very embarrassing and I'm ashamed of it. It's one of the many reasons I want to ctb.
I cant understand why I'm such an easy target for other people to hurt me to this degree. Especially other women. I genuinely don't hate people based on gender but I've had so many bad experiences.
Growing up I was tormented by other female classmates , my female teachers, female relatives. I don't why other women despise me so much. It feels like they know something is wrong with me and they hate me. I just wish I knew what it was. I just wanted to be friends with everyone and I get nothing but pain and ridicule in return.
I think this might be one of the things that pushes me over the edge for good.
Tl;dr A woman who I thought was my friend did a 180 and kept backstabbing me .... and used ai to generate a cartoon picture of me cutting her neck with a knife.
Thank you for reading, apologies for the length. Im pretty emotional rn
I have autism and it can be hard for me to talk to people and make friends...as well as being able to read people, follow social cues, and talk to others like a normal human being. I was also severely abused all my childhood so I'm skittish and afraid of other people.
My husband is Korean so I moved to South Korea and lived there for a few years. In 2024 we moved back to my home country, America. When I moved back, I had an even harder time trying to fit in and talk to people.. it was so bad that I couldn't go out to eat or talk to the cashier when I was grocery shopping...
So I joined Facebook and joined a few meet up groups. I really pushed myself to go out and talk to people ... even if it was really scary. After some time, I even made friends and we made a group chat on another platform to talk in. So I deleted my fb account. This detail is important for later .
I thought I was doing so good... even my husband said he was proud of me. It felt nice to have people who actually wanted to talk to me. After some time I became friends with another woman and we became very close.
I'll spoiler what started a lot of this since it's pretty long.
We hung out often, bought each other gifts, and I helped her with some technical issues she was having with her business. She distributes a certain kind of machine and I just happen to have a lot of knowledge on these machines and how to repair them. I also speak Chinese and a lot of the machines she was distributing come from China. So she offered me a job.
So I worked with her for a few months until she got pregnant and started acting really mean. She tried to make me service a machine in a place that apparently had some sort of viral outbreak. I politely asked for PPE and suggested that she also get some since she is pregnant ... I offered to pay for it myself and she freaked out on me and fired me.
She started driving the work vehicle and left me at the train station and it took almost 2 hours for someone to come get me because the last train for that stop already left. It was dark and I was alone until my husband and his friend drive together to get me. I didn't get home until 9 pm..
I went home and blocked her number. Then she sent my husband a barrage of texts insulting me and cursing me out. Saying horrible shit... making fun of my autism, my other disabilities, calling me a stupid bitch who can't hold a job..
This broke my heart so badly. I cried for days and started self harming again.
A week later she had a miscarriage and I dropped everything to help her.
After my husband talked to her gave me a half assed apology and blamed it on being pregnant and me "overwhelming" her and "trying to control her body" for suggesting she wears a mask.
but I was just so desperate to have a friend again, I just let it go..
She started acting super nice to me again and acted like this never happened and started buying me a bunch of stuff that I didn't ask for. Such as a gaming console, food, plushies, etc. It felt weird to accept it but I did it anyway so I didn't upset her.
So I worked with her for a few months until she got pregnant and started acting really mean. She tried to make me service a machine in a place that apparently had some sort of viral outbreak. I politely asked for PPE and suggested that she also get some since she is pregnant ... I offered to pay for it myself and she freaked out on me and fired me.
She started driving the work vehicle and left me at the train station and it took almost 2 hours for someone to come get me because the last train for that stop already left. It was dark and I was alone until my husband and his friend drive together to get me. I didn't get home until 9 pm..
I went home and blocked her number. Then she sent my husband a barrage of texts insulting me and cursing me out. Saying horrible shit... making fun of my autism, my other disabilities, calling me a stupid bitch who can't hold a job..
This broke my heart so badly. I cried for days and started self harming again.
A week later she had a miscarriage and I dropped everything to help her.
After my husband talked to her gave me a half assed apology and blamed it on being pregnant and me "overwhelming" her and "trying to control her body" for suggesting she wears a mask.
but I was just so desperate to have a friend again, I just let it go..
She started acting super nice to me again and acted like this never happened and started buying me a bunch of stuff that I didn't ask for. Such as a gaming console, food, plushies, etc. It felt weird to accept it but I did it anyway so I didn't upset her.
Since then, I have developed somd health issues that leave me disabled and unable to hold a proper job. I am too sick to leave my house most of the time. It's very embarrassing and I'm ashamed of it. It's one of the many reasons I want to ctb.
Well yesterday my "friend" was freaking out in the group chat because someone was scamming her business over and over and she was losing a significant amount of money.
It might be partially my fault because I have autism but I immediately started asking her questions like how did this happen, do you have any information about them, do you have a way to verify their id before they make a purchase, etc. I believe I was pretty polite and tried to make it clear that I'm not blaming her.
I don't really understand why but she snapped at me, told me to shut the fuck up, blocked me, and left the group chat. I was very hurt and very confused...
It gets very bad from here.
A few hours later my husband found a post from her business page on Facebook. I don't have fb anymore and I don't think she expected me to see it.
She wrote a lot of very nasty things about not just me but then he scrolled down and found a particularly bad one.
It was a rant about me and it was full of insults. Saying that I was a bum who can't hold a job but I was tearing her down and made up a lot of things that I never said or did. She mocked my disabilities as well. It was formatted like a LinkedIn post.
I thought it was bad..
Until I scrolled down.
She used AI to generate a picture of me as a cartoon character cutting her neck with a knife . I wish i was joking.
I broke down sobbing. I impulsively went to the roof of my building and looked down. Unfortunately it's not a high enough drop to guarantee killing me.
It might be partially my fault because I have autism but I immediately started asking her questions like how did this happen, do you have any information about them, do you have a way to verify their id before they make a purchase, etc. I believe I was pretty polite and tried to make it clear that I'm not blaming her.
I don't really understand why but she snapped at me, told me to shut the fuck up, blocked me, and left the group chat. I was very hurt and very confused...
It gets very bad from here.
A few hours later my husband found a post from her business page on Facebook. I don't have fb anymore and I don't think she expected me to see it.
She wrote a lot of very nasty things about not just me but then he scrolled down and found a particularly bad one.
It was a rant about me and it was full of insults. Saying that I was a bum who can't hold a job but I was tearing her down and made up a lot of things that I never said or did. She mocked my disabilities as well. It was formatted like a LinkedIn post.
I thought it was bad..
Until I scrolled down.
She used AI to generate a picture of me as a cartoon character cutting her neck with a knife . I wish i was joking.
I broke down sobbing. I impulsively went to the roof of my building and looked down. Unfortunately it's not a high enough drop to guarantee killing me.
I cant understand why I'm such an easy target for other people to hurt me to this degree. Especially other women. I genuinely don't hate people based on gender but I've had so many bad experiences.
Growing up I was tormented by other female classmates , my female teachers, female relatives. I don't why other women despise me so much. It feels like they know something is wrong with me and they hate me. I just wish I knew what it was. I just wanted to be friends with everyone and I get nothing but pain and ridicule in return.
I think this might be one of the things that pushes me over the edge for good.
Tl;dr A woman who I thought was my friend did a 180 and kept backstabbing me .... and used ai to generate a cartoon picture of me cutting her neck with a knife.
Thank you for reading, apologies for the length. Im pretty emotional rn
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