My bus may be on its way

[willitpass]

Filled up the apple juice gallon with tap water. Not gonna chug it as that can cause a bit of a vagal type response that drops blood pressure and pulse, but gonna sip it somewhat quickly. It is possible that the meds I took are refractory to fluid resuscitation though.

 

[ladylazarus4]

how are you doing, emotionally? I don't want to pry but the last 24 hours have been very hard on you and I just wanted to check in.

 

[nir]

Filled up the apple juice gallon with tap water. Not gonna chug it as that can cause a bit of a vagal type response that drops blood pressure and pulse, but gonna sip it somewhat quickly. It is possible that the meds I took are refractory to fluid resuscitation though.

You're probably sleeping right now (which is good, your body needs it). I hope you wake up with enough strength to un-barricade the door, but don't force yourself if you can't. I'm worried what over-exertion could do to you right now. Please be extra careful with yourself, I know this wasn't the result you hoped for but right now the best thing is to avoid additional risks for serious long-term complications.

Thinking of you lots <3 I hope you get some good rest.

 

[-Link-]

You're probably sleeping right now (which is good, your body needs it). I hope you wake up with enough strength to un-barricade the door, but don't force yourself if you can't. I'm worried what over-exertion could do to you right now. Please be extra careful with yourself, I know this wasn't the result you hoped for but right now the best thing is to avoid additional risks for serious long-term complications.

Thinking of you lots <3 I hope you get some good rest.

+1 to all of that, @willitpass

Keeping you in my thoughts and in my heart all the way through this. Wishing you a good night's rest.

 

[willitpass]

I was able to go to the bathroom with hardly any ringing in my ear and no spasming. Still drinking water between sleeping so hopefully by morning I'll be capable of unbarricading the door and calling an Uber. With how sweaty I've been I would love to be able to make it home and shower but I don't want to push myself too much. Making it home at all and being able to grab something from the kitchen to take to bed and eat and drink would be enough for me at this point.

 

[Coringa]

I wishing you the best @willitpass

 

[willitpass]

Able to go pee again. Again with no muscle spasms and my ears didn't start to ring until the end. And very good that I'm really starting to pee, means I'm flushing out the meds.

 

[Pluto]

 

[willitpass]

I've peed a few more times now. Things are really getting going which is very reassuring. I've almost finished the gallon of water. My heart rate is still hitting the high 30s but seems to be spending more time in the 40s now. When I just went to the bathroom I sat up and dangled my legs for a minute before standing up and managed to make it the whole trip without my ears ringing.
I've stopped sweating which has been nice. My mouth is starting to produce saliva again which is also super nice, cotton mouth sucks. My breath smells god awful now and a tooth brush wasn't exactly on my list of things to bring to die, but I do have gum I can pop in to check out. With a few more hours and some more hydration I think I can make it.

 

[disjectamembra]

take care <3

 

[imsotired35]

hope you start to feel better soon.

 

[willitpass]

Blood pressure 84/52 now, so slight improvement. I was able to stand up, go to the bathroom, and change before I started to get lightheaded. I've laid back down for a bit but I'm going to try and un-barricade the door next.
The door is unbarricaded. Most of my stuff is packed up. I've refilled the water and am eating popcorn and drinking water to try and boost my blood pressure more before I attempt to check out in the next hour or so.
Just managed to stand up for several minutes to clean up the last of my stuff without getting dizzy at all. Gonna sit down and drink a lot more water before going to check out.
I reek of old sweat and cheap hotel. I really hope I can tolerate even a 5 minute shower once I make it home.

 

[willitpass]

Was definitely a stupid decision but I drove myself home. I didn't want to leave my car in that part of town. I took the backroads to give myself the space to stop on the side of the road if needed but I was able to make it home in one go. Gonna try to take a brief shower and then have something to eat although I'm a bit nauseous now.
My cat has some words for me for leaving her for a couple of days.

 

[wren-briar]

My cat has some words for me for leaving her for a couple of days.

Give your cat all the love you can, it'll help both of you!

 

[nir]

My cat has some words for me for leaving her for a couple of days.

Aww, give her some love and she'll forgive ya <3 glad you get to see her again. I hope you can manage a safe shower and get some more rest.

 

[willitpass]

I was able to take a full shower with a hair wash. I needed it as my hair had been drenched in sweat. I definitely over did it a bit though as by the time I was done getting dressed I was incredibly nauseous and almost threw up. After laying down for a few minutes the nausea was able to subside though. Gonna just try and rest up.

 

[nir]

I was able to take a full shower with a hair wash. I needed it as my hair had been drenched in sweat. I definitely over did it a bit though as by the time I was done getting dressed I was incredibly nauseous and almost threw up. After laying down for a few minutes the nausea was able to subside though. Gonna just try and rest up.

When are your next social obligations? Do you have some time to properly rest before you have to make appearances?

 

[willitpass]

When are your next social obligations? Do you have some time to properly rest before you have to make appearances?

Nothing again until Monday, which I can miss part of if needed.

 

[CatLvr]

Sigh. What an "adventure". I'm both glad you are still with us, and worried for you because I know that's not what you wanted. Please be kind to yourself for the next few days. And pet that kitty!! She loves you!

ETA: didn't finish my thought.

 

[Silent_cries]

Nothing again until Monday, which I can miss part of if needed.

I hope this doesn't come off as intrusive or anything, but are you planning to attempt again? You have a plan b? Feel free to dm me if you need anything, ok? I support you no matter your decicion, I'll always consider you my friend :)

 

[willitpass]

Pulse is up to the 50s now. I just ate a pack of instant rice. My cat is following me wherever I go.
My cat just curled up in my arms and my pulse has been in the 60s since.

 

[CatLvr]

Pulse is up to the 50s now. I just ate a pack of instant rice. My cat is following me wherever I go.
My cat just curled up in my arms and my pulse has been in the 60s since.

It will never cease to amaze me how the comfort of a pet affects our well-being. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself today. You need the break. And so does she.

 

[willitpass]

Having palpitations now even though my pulse is still in the 60s/50s. My face and lips are also tingly.

 

[willitpass]

Nothing can accurately describe how empty and lonely it feels to survive an attempt that no one knows about. Wanting to just break down to someone because of how upsetting it is but knowing I can't because of the risk of losing everything in my life if anyone knows. Just left trying to pick up the pieces on my own is so incredibly isolating. I don't know where to go with my life. I can't continue on like this, but I already failed attempting recovery this summer for the millionth time in my life and I can't seem to fucking die no matter what. I have no trust in the mental health care system anyway and there's nothing they can offer me I haven't already tried. Now I'm just trying to find something to make me feel something. Just thinking about ordering in some Halloween goodies for me and the cat because I don't know what else to do and that's the only thing I can think of to bring me some kind of solace right now even if it's only material.
Pulse is back down in the low 50s and feeling short of breath.
I don't feel good.

 

[kat6]

Nothing can accurately describe how empty and lonely it feels to survive an attempt that no one knows about. Wanting to just break down to someone because of how upsetting it is but knowing I can't because of the risk of losing everything in my life if anyone knows. Just left trying to pick up the pieces on my own is so incredibly isolating. I don't know where to go with my life. I can't continue on like this, but I already failed attempting recovery this summer for the millionth time in my life and I can't seem to fucking die no matter what. I have no trust in the mental health care system anyway and there's nothing they can offer me I haven't already tried. Now I'm just trying to find something to make me feel something. Just thinking about ordering in some Halloween goodies for me and the cat because I don't know what else to do and that's the only thing I can think of to bring me some kind of solace right now even if it's only material.
Pulse is back down in the low 50s and feeling short of breath.
I don't feel good.

We know about it. I wish you had someone irl who you felt safe talking to… but we are here. We may be far away and anonymous lol but very much real people who genuinely worried about you and want the best for you…. And your cat definitely knows! Sounds like you're that kitty's world, which I can relate.
I think your body and mind deserve a chance to heal a bit. Take a break from life decisions just for now. All the problems will be there later (unfortunately lol).. for now you can just focus on being comfortable, cuddling your cat and treating yourself a little. Order some take out, eat Halloween candy, binge watch something silly, and take care of yourself. I'm glad you're starting to feel better.

 

[imsotired35]

Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and bring you any amount of comfort. No rules, no guilt.

 

[willitpass]

Frustrated myself to no end because I have stuff in my cart to order but it's significantly more expensive than if I just go in myself and get it but I don't really want to go out right now. So now I'm just fighting with myself over if it's worth it or not which is only making me more upset.

 

[fairygirl184]

Frustrated myself to no end because I have stuff in my cart to order but it's significantly more expensive than if I just go in myself and get it but I don't really want to go out right now. So now I'm just fighting with myself over if it's worth it or not which is only making me more upset.

you're safer ordering in, and i know it sounds easy for me to say but money comes back around eventually. re feeling lonely, we are here. we see you, we hear you <3

 

[-Link-]

Frustrated myself to no end because I have stuff in my cart to order but it's significantly more expensive than if I just go in myself and get it but I don't really want to go out right now. So now I'm just fighting with myself over if it's worth it or not which is only making me more upset.

I hear you with this. But if there is ever a time to justify the extra expense... this has gotta be it.

 

[nir]

Frustrated myself to no end because I have stuff in my cart to order but it's significantly more expensive than if I just go in myself and get it but I don't really want to go out right now. So now I'm just fighting with myself over if it's worth it or not which is only making me more upset.

It's worth it. If you had a patient who just survived everything you just went through, you would tell them to lay down and not over-exert themselves, amongst other things. Take care of yourself like you're your own patient, even if just for tonight.