My bus may be on its way

[Davey40210]

I haven't stood up since around 8 or 9pm last night. I need to pee though, so I'm about to find out. I haven't taken my blood pressure because my eyes are so fucked right now I wouldn't be able to read the meter to see what it's at. I had a few pretzels a couple of hours ago. My mouth is insanely dry though so I was having to drink a ton of water to even get them down.

I'm still sweaty as all hell. I've just been in and out of sleeping all day. Pulse hasn't changed. This whole experience hasn't been too bad though, all things considered. Only the hallucinations were off putting but not severely so. At least it wasn't painful. Just don't understand why it didn't work.

Glad to hear you didnt have pain and hope you find what you are looking for..

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Foi só uma sugestão, desculpe se pareci intrusivo

I just don't know how you can make suggestions so casually to someone who is making probably the most personal life decision they can possibly make

 

[fvckfamily]

Ok

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can't imagine how you must be feeling to be brave enough to do all that and wake up. I hope you don't suffer with longer term side effects. Have you booked the hotel longer so you can rest?

 

[Lost Magic]

I can't imagine what you must be feeling like right now. I would imagine it would be mixed-emotion type feelings. Anyway, please be careful when it comes to attempts. You don't want to make your body in a worser state than necessary. You still have to live in your body, while you are still here.

 

[nir]

I would try until it works, suicide is the success of the brave

"suicide is the success of the brave" lmao, no. don't romanticize it. suicide isn't some prize, it's not some achievement we should goad people on for. of course lots of people on this website want suicide, but let's not lie to ourselves about how it's some great thing that you need to be "brave" to "achieve". it's a heartbreaking conclusion for the lives of so many people. that's it. it's a culmination of pain. there is nothing heroic about someone being driven to suicide. it's just sad. it's sad that we're all here, it's sad that so many people kill themselves. you can try to rebrand it, but it will be what it is regardless of what you call it or how you try to perceive it. i'm not anti-suicide - I wouldn't be here if I was - but let's not kid ourselves here.

 

[fvckfamily]

"o suicídio é o sucesso dos corajosos" kkkk, não. não romantize isso. o suicídio não é um prêmio, não é uma conquista pela qual devemos incitar as pessoas. é claro que muitas pessoas neste site querem o suicídio, mas não vamos mentir para nós mesmos sobre como é algo grandioso que você precisa ser "corajoso" para "conseguir". é uma conclusão de partir o coração para a vida de tantas pessoas. é isso. é o ápice da dor. não há nada de heróico em alguém ser levado ao suicídio. é apenas triste. é triste que estejamos todos aqui, é triste que tantas pessoas se matem. você pode tentar reformular isso, mas será o que é, independentemente de como você o chame ou como tente percebê-lo. não sou contra o suicídio - eu não estaria aqui se fosse - mas não vamos nos enganar aqui.

Honestly, I didn't want that either, but life took me to such a circumstance and I'd rather take myself to this sad fate than live a life of meaningless suffering.

 

[willitpass]

I can't imagine how you must be feeling to be brave enough to do all that and wake up. I hope you don't suffer with longer term side effects. Have you booked the hotel longer so you can rest?

I have it until tomorrow morning. I'll see how I feel then. I may just get an Uber home and come back for my car, but I also don't want to leave my car in a questionable part of town.

 

[ladylazarus4]

I can't imagine what you must be feeling like right now. I would imagine it would be mixed-emotion type feelings. Anyway, please be careful when it comes to attempts. You don't want to make your body in a worser state than necessary. You still have to live in your body, while you are still here.

the hard part was that she was careful. This was not impulsive. It was planned out for a long time.

 

[willitpass]

I'm trying to get my blood pressure up enough I can go to the vending machines for more food and drinks as I'm almost out of the gallon of apple juice I brought and my only food is plain popcorn and pretzels. But the meds I took seem to have sucked up all the water in me. Despite almost of gallon of apple juice and a bottle of water my mouth is still cotton dry and I peed a tiny bit once an hour ago. I dont particularly want to drink tap water from a cheap hotel, so I'd be out of drinks if I can't make it to the vending machines. There's no way I'd make it in my current state though.
I just attempted to slowly get up. Decided to sit up and dangle me legs for a bit first. Within 10-15 seconds my ears were ringing and I was having muscle twitches and feeling faint. I laid back down after 10-15 more seconds and my blood pressure is so low it isn't even palpable in my radial. My vision is starting to recover so I think I should be able to take it now.

 

[willitpass]

80/40 laying down, no wonder I can't tolerate even sitting up.

 

[willitpass]

Not sure of why but I'm still sweating like crazy. I'm. lt not hot or cold, but I'm still sweating buckets.
My pulse has not gone up at all. It's still in the 30s. I also still haven't peed again. I think I'm losing all of my fluids through sweat. And if I can't get myself to pee I can't get rid of the meds, they're all excreted in the kidneys. And if I can't get these meds out of me my pulse isn't going to go up and neither is my blood pressure. Which will make it impossible to get out of here, as I still have the door barricaded and I am not strong enough to move that right now. Which means no more drinks and I'm out of apple juice. I'm really starting to run out of ideas of how to get out of here without getting first responders involved. I'm gonna just try and make until morning when my check out is and decide then.

 

[no.one]

I've been trying to find any information to figure out what's happening with you. The only thing that i keep running into is shock. even if it takes awhile the SN is still in your system so it would still affecting your blood wouldn't it? on top of the meds you took?

I know we haven't spoken, but I've been watching the thread and thinking of you.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I've been trying to find any information to figure out what's happening with you. The only thing that i keep running into is shock. even if it takes awhile the SN is still in your system so it would still affecting your blood wouldn't it? on top of the meds you took?

I know we haven't spoken, but I've been watching the thread and thinking of you.

She didn't take SN. She took a beta blocker and a pacemaker current inhibitor, along with visine (eyedrops that are cardiotoxic) and a muscle relaxer. I did a bit of research online and frankly I have absolutely no idea of what can be done other than seeking medical attention at this point.

 

[willitpass]

I've been trying to find any information to figure out what's happening with you. The only thing that i keep running into is shock. even if it takes awhile the SN is still in your system so it would still affecting your blood wouldn't it? on top of the meds you took?

I know we haven't spoken, but I've been watching the thread and thinking of you.

I didn't take SN but my symptoms also seem consistent with shock, particularly the sweating. The problem is I don't know that someone can be in shock for what's not been almost a day and not be in a coma or dead. The low BP and heart rate are symptoms of what I took, but the lack of peeing is concerning me for kidney damage of some sort and means I can't excrete the meds to get the symptoms to stop. I'm going to wait until morning but if I can't start peeing I don't think anything will improve and I'll have no choice. If I can't even sit stand up without spasming everywhere I'm not going to be able to even get an Uber to get me home.

 

[no.one]

She didn't take SN. She took a beta blocker and a pacemaker current inhibitor, along with visine (eyedrops that are cardiotoxic) and a muscle relaxer. I did a bit of research online and frankly I have absolutely no idea of what can be done other than seeking medical attention at this point.

you're right! i'm not sure why i thought this entire time she had, despite reading and following her thread! i think probably because ive been reading other posts in between waiting for updates.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I know you hate the idea of drinking water from the tap at a cheap hotel, but would you be willing to entertain the possibility of doing that? Getting at least some fluid intake takes priority over considering any issues that water might cause (and for all we know that water might be 100% safe to drink).

 

[no.one]

I didn't take SN but my symptoms also seem consistent with shock, particularly the sweating. The problem is I don't know that someone can be in shock for what's not been almost a day and not be in a coma or dead. The low BP and heart rate are symptoms of what I took, but the lack of peeing is concerning me for kidney damage of some sort and means I can't excrete the meds to get the symptoms to stop. I'm going to wait until morning but if I can't start peeing I don't think anything will improve and I'll have no choice. If I can't even sit stand up without spasming everywhere I'm not going to be able to even get an Uber to get me home.

sorry about that! i promise ive been following! ive been also reading other posts in between updates from you.

i'm hoping with some more rest, maybe you will be able to at least call an uber and get into it. Is it possible to stay one more day?

 

[nir]

I know you hate the idea of drinking water from the tap at a cheap hotel, but would you be willing to entertain the possibility of doing that? Getting at least some fluid intake takes priority over considering any issues that water might cause (and for all we know that water might be 100% safe to drink).

I agree - it's probably gross and won't taste great, but it's better than the alternative.

I was thinking about the stuff in front of the door. I wonder if you could phrase it as "people were knocking on my door very late at night and I became afraid, so I barricaded it, but I got such bad sleep that I feel too weak to move the furniture now"? Pretty weak excuse, I know, but you did mention that you had annoying people knocking on your door for fun so...kinda a truth there. Just any way for staff to come and move the furniture out so you could get fluids and food in you would be optimal at this point.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I agree - it's probably gross and won't taste great, but it's better than the alternative.

I was thinking about the stuff in front of the door. I wonder if you could phrase it as "people were knocking on my door very late at night and I became afraid, so I barricaded it, but I got such bad sleep that I feel too weak to move the furniture now"? Pretty weak excuse, I know, but you did mention that you had annoying people knocking on your door for fun so...kinda a truth there. Just any way for staff to come and move the furniture out so you could get fluids and food in you would be optimal at this point.

If the door is barricaded and staff are unable to open it then chances are they're going to bring a fire crew in. There is a chance of EMS also showing up and taking her to the hospital. However, I have no better ideas at all. Seems like a situation with no favorable solutions.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I just saw your thread. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I hope you can find peace.

 

[nir]

If the door is barricaded and staff are unable to open it then chances are they're going to bring a fire crew in. There is a chance of EMS also showing up and taking her to the hospital. However, I have no better ideas at all. Seems like a situation with no favorable solutions.

I'm just worried that waiting until morning could increase the chances of longterm effects. No real urine output with meds that excrete through the kidneys does not sound good.

 

[Lost Magic]

I think we all know that this attempt ended badly. What else is there apart from phoning for help? Your body needs fluids ASAP

 

[willitpass]

There really is no way I can think to spin this that won't end up in them knowing it was a suicide attempt. Even if I manage to clean up everything and unbarricade the door, they'll see my list of prescribed meds and look at my presentation that has literally no logical explanation and they'll figure things out. And if I haven't peed then the serum concentrations in my blood will be enough for them to test and make the final conclusion. And coming from a hotel wouldn't be much help at all. Why the fuck would I just be at a hotel by myself middle of the week. No good explanations here.

I still think my best bet will be to wait until morning. Maybe if I wait until morning I'll feel well enough to at least pack up and put my stuff in my car. Then walk over to a nearby restaurant and call and put together some story about being in the area doing something and then feeling really unwell all of a sudden. It wouldn't explain why my car is in the hotel parking lot but then wouldn't look at that right away. Either that or call an Uber and continue to wait it out at home. If in a few days things are still bad I can go to my doctor and say I'm not feeling well and she can run a metabolic panel and such and do an EKG to see if my kidney or liver or heart have bee. damaged.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Have you tried drinking any water?

 

[willitpass]

BP 80/32. I'm fucked lol.

 

[Lost Magic]

There really is no way I can think to spin this that won't end up in them knowing it was a suicide attempt. Even if I manage to clean up everything and unbarricade the door, they'll see my list of prescribed meds and look at my presentation that has literally no logical explanation and they'll figure things out. And if I haven't peed then the serum concentrations in my blood will be enough for them to test and make the final conclusion. And coming from a hotel wouldn't be much help at all. Why the fuck would I just be at a hotel by myself middle of the week. No good explanations here.

I still think my best bet will be to wait until morning. Maybe if I wait until morning I'll feel well enough to at least pack up and put my stuff in my car. Then walk over to a nearby restaurant and call and put together some story about being in the area doing something and then feeling really unwell all of a sudden. It wouldn't explain why my car is in the hotel parking lot but then wouldn't look at that right away. Either that or call an Uber and continue to wait it out at home. If in a few days things are still bad I can go to my doctor and say I'm not feeling well and she can run a metabolic panel and such and do an EKG to see if my kidney or liver or heart have bee. damaged.

Well do what's right for you, but don't leave it too late. Your body has been through a lot. Be sure to keep us all up to date with things!

 

[willitpass]

HR seems to possibly be starting to trend from lower 30s to upper 30s though.

 

[nir]

BP 80/32. I'm fucked lol.

You need to start drinking tap water if you haven't already. I'm sure you know that having a BP that low for a long period of time is no bueno. I'm worried you're going to sustain permanent damage here.

If water doesn't help, you might have to bite the bullet and get medical services to help you. Think of it this way, which scenario is likely to cause a longer hospital stay - you calling for help of your own accord vs. you waiting until the morning, not being able to get out, and having the staff call because they can't get to you? I feel like they usually give shorter psych stays to people who get "willingly" get help vs. those who have other people call for them.

I know it sucks, but I don't think waiting until the morning is a good idea.

 

[-Link-]

I know you hate the idea of drinking water from the tap at a cheap hotel, but would you be willing to entertain the possibility of doing that? Getting at least some fluid intake takes priority over considering any issues that water might cause (and for all we know that water might be 100% safe to drink).

You need to start drinking tap water if you haven't already. I'm sure you know that having a BP that low for a long period of time is no bueno. I'm worried you're going to sustain permanent damage here.

Have you tried drinking any water?

Echoing the encouragement towards tap water. It will at least be potable, assuming they don't have signs up against drinking it. You could call down to the front desk to make sure.

I am not a medical professional so I don't know about the actual risks or probabilities involved here, but I wonder about the potential for irreversible damage, physical disability, or any future limitations to your autonomy if it continues on for too much longer.