Help Kill myself because too ugly (Body dysmorphia)?

[come to dust]

I am sorry that you feel that way. I can't know how your life would have been if you were white. What I can say for me is that I am white and I have a high degree body dysphoria. Big part of the reasons why a am here. The body and face I desire are very distant from what I have, it doesn't have to do with getting more skinny or jacked. It has to do with bone structure so I will never have it. I wonder though, how can many people not have body dysphoria with instagram being that contant bombarding of perfect lives and bodies. And people will say "it's not real, they are also unhappy". I wish I was unhappy like them, in a luxurious hotel by some beach in greece with a natural blonde perfect face and body, not having to work for a day in their lives cause mamma and daddy + the income from their social media just for existing and showing off. They are paid to show off how perfect they are... how is that any fair, existencially speaking, with the rest of us ? They must be so unhappy, sure.

What is wrong with your body and face in your opinion exactly?

Personally, I have seen and heard of many occurrences where men on apps like grindr change their race discription from say asian to white, or change their profile pic to a white vs non white person of the same build and facial structure, and the white version gets over double the hits. That's why I know wanting white in the gay community isn't just an insecurity, but a wanting a real benefit.

And you are right there is no evidence that hot gay men are unhappy. It's just a cope used to tell ugly or non white people to shut them up.

Does anyone know if the OP of this post, Bodydysmorphia, is still alive?



I am sorry, and I know that being non-white and dating in the gay world is almost always harder. It's like being a double minority sort of. I am white and really struggling with dating in the gay world, so I know it must be hard for you. :(



I agree with you, and it makes me also super angry when I see these beautiful people with their social media, proudly displaying their hot bodies and seemingly raking in all this money. They are people, and they have their own problems too, so I try not to forget that. They are after all only showing us pictures when they appear happy, but we're only seeing snapshots, and not the whole reality of their lives. Of course they only want us to see them when they're in exotic places looking happy.

I struggle with body dysmorphia, but I can promise you, if SSRI's hadn't killed me sexually, I think I would probably have a boyfriend at this point, and my body dysmorphia would be easier to deal with. But it feels like SSRI's have ruined my life. I'm so tired of this bullshit.

I struggle to get dates due to my race. That's what feels so bad.

It's also been shown in research studies that ugly people earn less, there is a wage gap between ugly and attractive people.

 

[Coffeandamug]

What is wrong with your body and face in your opinion exactly?

Personally, I have seen and heard of many occurrences where men on apps like grindr change their race discription from say asian to white, or change their profile pic to a white vs non white person of the same build and facial structure, and the white version gets over double the hits. That's why I know wanting white in the gay community isn't just an insecurity, but a wanting a real benefit.

And you are right there is no evidence that hot gay men are unhappy. It's just a cope used to tell ugly or non white people to shut them up.


I struggle to get dates due to my race. That's what feels so bad.

It's also been shown in research studies that ugly people earn less, there is a wage gap between ugly and attractive people.

I have bad skin (you can't see because the photo is edited), I dislike my jaw (I think it's too big, if it appears smaller on the photo is because I always use angles to make it seem smaller) and I hate especially my neck lengh, too short (there ins't a fix for that). These are the features on my face that really drive me crazy. I don't get many taps on grindr and hornet, the number is pretty low. There are way better looking people on my area and these people get all the attention. I agree with you on the race topic. I can see a black person getting more taps than I, being white, but only under the condition that their face, body and dick are nothing short of perfect. If that is not the case I (as an avarage white) will have more taps. This is very sad but I am saying it to emphazise that I agree with your point. Race does matter on grindr. It obviously shoudn't nowdays, but it does. And I think that the hypocrisy that you might get from some people, specially white, that say that it doesn't matter must be infuriating. It is a real benefit, as you said. That said, I would like to diverge a little from the topic. I feel like physical appearance is above all other aspects for the desirability a person in the gay community, but the other factors do matter. You become more desirable if you are rich, young, sucessful, has a positive and engaging nice personality and so on. The last time I was rejected was because I told the guy about my problems, the moment I stopped pretending that I was a normal person he left. I have also been rejected for my looks, my social status, my personality and so on. There is a hierarchy on how sex and affection are distributed on grindr and the gay community. It has with many levels, and it has a few exceptions but it is present enough to be noticed. And again, whiteness is a real privilege in that hierarchy.

 

[come to dust]

I have bad skin (you can't see because the photo is edited), I dislike my jaw (I think it's too big, if it appears smaller on the photo is because I always use angles to make it seem smaller) and I hate especially my neck lengh, too short (there ins't a fix for that). These are the features on my face that really drive me crazy. I don't get many taps on grindr and hornet, the number is pretty low. There are way better looking people on my area and these people get all the attention. I agree with you on the race topic. I can see a black person getting more taps than I, being white, but only under the condition that their face, body and dick are nothing short of perfect. If that is not the case I (as an avarage white) will have more taps. This is very sad but I am saying it to emphazise that I agree with your point. Race does matter on grindr. It obviously shoudn't nowdays, but it does. And I think that the hypocrisy that you might get from some people, specially white, that say that it doesn't matter must be infuriating. It is a real benefit, as you said. That said, I would like to diverge a little from the topic. I feel like physical appearance is above all other aspects for the desirability a person in the gay community, but the other factors do matter. You become more desirable if you are rich, young, sucessful, has a positive and engaging nice personality and so on. The last time I was rejected was because I told the guy about my problems, the moment I stopped pretending that I was a normal person he left. I have also been rejected for my looks, my social status, my personality and so on. There is a hierarchy on how sex and affection are distributed on grindr and the gay community. It has with many levels, and it has a few exceptions but it is present enough to be noticed. And again, whiteness is a real privilege in that hierarchy.

Jaws are definitely a big factor in gay community looks but I've never heard of anyone being rejected or seen as less attractive because of their neck. Have you ever been rejected because of your neck or jaw?

Yes it's frustrating how much of a role your race plays. I have been told numerous times that someone doesnt find me attractive because im not white. Out of interest as a white gay man, do you only go for other whites?

I agreed that status and money matter too, but looks is always the first hurdle. No one is even going to bother asking about your status if your profile picture is too ugly. That's why there are lots of mentally unwell but very attractive people in relationships. You even get serial killers in relationships.

 

[neverbeenbetter]

i have gender dysphoria on top of body dysmorphia, its really tough.

 

[Coffeandamug]

Jaws are definitely a big factor in gay community looks but I've never heard of anyone being rejected or seen as less attractive because of their neck. Have you ever been rejected because of your neck or jaw?

Yes it's frustrating how much of a role your race plays. I have been told numerous times that someone doesnt find me attractive because im not white. Out of interest as a white gay man, do you only go for other whites?

I agreed that status and money matter too, but looks is always the first hurdle. No one is even going to bother asking about your status if your profile picture is too ugly. That's why there are lots of mentally unwell but very attractive people in relationships. You even get serial killers in relationships.

I am feeling so lonely tonight... I am 25, no job, no degree and it is so hard for me to find a stable relationship... I never did in fact. I don't go only for whites but the majority were white. That said, I've been with many people from other races. Except asians but it's only because there are no asians in my region. My second boyfriend was mixed race. There was this black guy (very dark skin) I feel hard for once but he rejected me. We played videogames together, I thought he was handsome and I loved his personality.There were other non white folks that had less of an impact in me than these other too but it never orked out.But it never really worked out with anybody for more than one month for me. They always reject me for some reason. I suspect that it is because I don't have a job or a degree even though I am trying to change that while I don't kill myself.

 

[come to dust]

I am feeling so lonely tonight... I am 25, no job, no degree and it is so hard for me to find a stable relationship... I never did in fact. I don't go only for whites but the majority were white. That said, I've been with many people from other races. Except asians but it's only because there are no asians in my region. My second boyfriend was mixed race. There was this black guy (very dark skin) I feel hard for once but he rejected me. We played videogames together, I thought he was handsome and I loved his personality.There were other non white folks that had less of an impact in me than these other too but it never orked out.But it never really worked out with anybody for more than one month for me. They always reject me for some reason. I suspect that it is because I don't have a job or a degree even though I am trying to change that while I don't kill myself.

How many relationships have you had? It sounds like you've managed a fair few.

 

[Coffeandamug]

How many relationships have you had? It sounds like you've managed a fair few.

I don't know if I can call them relationships... all of them didn't last for a month as a told you before. Around 4-5.