l1ablemistakes
Wasted potential
- Feb 16, 2026
- 221
I have a new plan to make sure I'm successful in dying without my partner having to be the one to find me. I know it would kill him and I wouldn't be able to go through with it if I didn't have some kind of plan. So here it goes:
1. The setup. I'll have all my notes on my table and one taped to the front door, which I'll come back to later. I will be in my shed with my noose tied to a beam I have made sure holds my body weight. We have an old chair out in storage there too.
2. Drink until I lose inhibition. This should be fairly easy for me since I'm an alcoholic.
3. Stand on the chair and position the noose around my neck. I'll have a belt ready to go on my non dominant hand so I can tie my wrists behind my back.
4. Call an ambulance. PAUSE! I know this sounds crazy but hear me out. I'm not going to tell them the truth, obviously. I work in the emergency department closest to my house (again, we will get back to that), so I am very familiar with the ambulance triage system. I'm going to tell them I'm feeling suicidal without plan or intention and I can't drive myself to hospital.
5. Hang up. I don't care what the operator says. I'll tell them I can't stay on the line for whatever reason. Maybe my phone is dying.
6. Tie the belt so my hands are bound behind my back. I don't want last minute survival instincts or thrashing interfering.
7. Partial suspension. I've practiced it many times so I'm very comfortable with the feeling of padding out.
8. Kick the chair. Right at the last second, I'm going to kick it from beneath me and achieve full suspension. The beam is high enough for me to do this.
9. The ambulance will take more than 30 minutes to arrive. The note will explain that I lied on the phone and I have already hung myself. Im also going to ask them not to take me to the local ED- my hospital doesn't deal with severe brain injury anyway so I doubt they will, but I really don't want to traumatise my coworkers. I'm going to leave my door locked and not tell them where, as an extra safety measure to prevent me from being found too soon in case they arrive before 30 mins.
10. They will find me eventually I guess. It will be too late. I'm hoping I could potentially be an organ donor, if they try CPR, but I'm certain if I use this protocol I will never regain any brain function.
I know this is kind of selfish and a waste of ambulance resources but trust me, I owe it to my partner for it not to be him. And I think I've given enough to the medical system to be selfish just this once.
1. The setup. I'll have all my notes on my table and one taped to the front door, which I'll come back to later. I will be in my shed with my noose tied to a beam I have made sure holds my body weight. We have an old chair out in storage there too.
2. Drink until I lose inhibition. This should be fairly easy for me since I'm an alcoholic.
3. Stand on the chair and position the noose around my neck. I'll have a belt ready to go on my non dominant hand so I can tie my wrists behind my back.
4. Call an ambulance. PAUSE! I know this sounds crazy but hear me out. I'm not going to tell them the truth, obviously. I work in the emergency department closest to my house (again, we will get back to that), so I am very familiar with the ambulance triage system. I'm going to tell them I'm feeling suicidal without plan or intention and I can't drive myself to hospital.
5. Hang up. I don't care what the operator says. I'll tell them I can't stay on the line for whatever reason. Maybe my phone is dying.
6. Tie the belt so my hands are bound behind my back. I don't want last minute survival instincts or thrashing interfering.
7. Partial suspension. I've practiced it many times so I'm very comfortable with the feeling of padding out.
8. Kick the chair. Right at the last second, I'm going to kick it from beneath me and achieve full suspension. The beam is high enough for me to do this.
9. The ambulance will take more than 30 minutes to arrive. The note will explain that I lied on the phone and I have already hung myself. Im also going to ask them not to take me to the local ED- my hospital doesn't deal with severe brain injury anyway so I doubt they will, but I really don't want to traumatise my coworkers. I'm going to leave my door locked and not tell them where, as an extra safety measure to prevent me from being found too soon in case they arrive before 30 mins.
10. They will find me eventually I guess. It will be too late. I'm hoping I could potentially be an organ donor, if they try CPR, but I'm certain if I use this protocol I will never regain any brain function.
I know this is kind of selfish and a waste of ambulance resources but trust me, I owe it to my partner for it not to be him. And I think I've given enough to the medical system to be selfish just this once.
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