Honestly, body dysmorphia is such a bitch. I've suffered from it all my life (currently 24) as well. No matter what people tell me, I'm never gonna see myself as a 'regular' guy and by the looks of it, you're going through the same shit. In all honestly: you look really good and shouldn't be worrying about what you look like, but I totally get it: easier said than done. Hope things get better for you mate.
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rationaltake
I'm rocking it - in another universe
- Sep 28, 2021
- 2,712
We're all learning. You could ask one of the mods to remove your photos if you want.
I understand as I can't stand my physical appearance. I know what you mean about wanting peace.
I just wish I could stop thinking about my appearance all the time but in a world full of apps like Grindr it is impossible. It would be best if I just didn't use them at all since they're worsening my bodydysmorphia but my depression just prevents me from doing sensible things hence why I want to just ctb immediately. I know it is not a solution for my problems but at least I can find an exit and be at peace (or maybe start over reincarnated as another person/animal lol).
Btw, is there anyone here who suffers from bodydysmorphia and planning on ctb? If so, would you like to share your method with me? Does anyone know of people who committed suicide because of bodydysmorphia?
Btw, is there anyone here who suffers from bodydysmorphia and planning on ctb? If so, would you like to share your method with me? Does anyone know of people who committed suicide because of bodydysmorphia?
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nightnightnitrite
baby blues
- Apr 17, 2021
- 483
You are by far from ugly. Things that help me feel better are following some youtubers(women normally have better products) advice on a morning or shower routine that deals with scars and blemishes. Is there anyway you can incorporate a workout routine? Even just going for a walk around a park can greatly improve your health and the way you feel about yourself:) It's all about baby steps and doing what makes you feel the best<3
1 in 10 men have had suicidal thoughts due to body image issues, but no support
Body image issues affect close to 40% of men. It's debilitating for them
theprint.in
An important article about this topic.
"Body image issues are often viewed as a problem that disproportionately affects women – leaving many men reluctant to talk about their problems with friends and family or seek professional help. While men are increasingly encouraged to talk about their mental health, being open about body image concerns can still feel tricky – especially if men worry about appearing "unmasculine" or being stigmatised and dismissed by others."
"guitarist of The Vamps, James Brittain-McVey, recently spoke out about the pressures he experienced with his body image. These pressures, which began when he was a teenager, led him to undergo liposuction at age 20. Speaking to a parliamentary committee on body image and mental health, he told MPs that he had struggled with anorexia since he was a teenager and that he still feels pressure to "look a certain way".
Does anyone have experience concerning plastic surgery?? I want to get some when I have the money for it.
Mother's heartbreak after 'beautiful' son, 24, kills himself after years suffering from disorder that made him obsess about his appearance
On 15 April, 2011, Nathaniel Asselin, from Pennsylvania, committed suicide because he would not go on living another day like the one before - the only thing he knew since he was 11-years-old.
Does anyone happen to know how he killed himself? I want to know because I can empathize with him and want to choose the same method.
Blind to her beauty: Girl who tried to kill herself eight times because she felt she was too ugly
Hannah Camille, 26, regularly gets admiring glances from men, but takes them as looks of repulsion, not attraction.
How can someone survive eight suicide attempts?? Poor execution?
PlathWannaBe
Member
- Nov 15, 2019
- 71
I have actually quite a similar experience to yours. I am also gay and suffer with body dysmorphia. I dreamed about having plastic surgery actually for years and years, and I was finally able to save up for it, and actually spent almost €16k. It was a very interesting experience. I was pleased with some aspects of the results, and then not pleased with other aspects. I think that also has to do with the fact that I had multiple procedures done, and the more "work" you have done, the more room there is for error or dissatisfaction with the end result. I opted to have several procedures done at one time, because that way, I only had to pay for anesthesia once, which is itself, is quite expensive. There are actually a few things that I need to have corrected from the initial surgery, but plastic surgery of course is fucking expensive, so unless I win the lottery, that won't be happening anytime soon.
Full disclosure, I was also doing therapy at the same time that I was contemplating having plastic surgery on my face. The therapist didn't advise it, but I wanted to go through with it anyway, because I had been obsessing about this for years and years. I think, knowing what I know now, I would likely still probably do it. I guess. It just costs a fucking ton of money. And the weird thing is, it didn't change my face drastically. Not the drastic change that I was sort of hoping and wishing for, like those crazy before and after plastic surgery photos that you see on reality tv shows, where a normal looking person is transformed into a total model. But if you look at before and after pictures, you certainly see differences.
But to be honest, what helped me more than the surgery was just going to the gym and getting more fit. That helped me quite a bit, even though I still struggle with not accepting my looks, and I'm 36.
I still contemplate CTB'ing, not so much due to body dysmorphia (even though it feels like it's still there), but because I took an SSRI (Citalopram) for years and years, and after I stopped taking it, the withdrawal caused me to develop erectile dysfunction at 34 and anorgasmia (difficulty having an orgasm/ejaculation), and I've been dealing with that for 2 years.
What gay man wants to have a partner who has trouble getting hard and cumming? Things could always worse.
I also live in Germany as well, although I am not German myself. If you want to chat sometime to talk more about the plastic surgery/body dysmorphia and rejection in the gay world, I have an open ear.
I think btw, you're still too young to CTB, and I would hold off. But I know that doesn't mean very much when you hear it.
Full disclosure, I was also doing therapy at the same time that I was contemplating having plastic surgery on my face. The therapist didn't advise it, but I wanted to go through with it anyway, because I had been obsessing about this for years and years. I think, knowing what I know now, I would likely still probably do it. I guess. It just costs a fucking ton of money. And the weird thing is, it didn't change my face drastically. Not the drastic change that I was sort of hoping and wishing for, like those crazy before and after plastic surgery photos that you see on reality tv shows, where a normal looking person is transformed into a total model. But if you look at before and after pictures, you certainly see differences.
But to be honest, what helped me more than the surgery was just going to the gym and getting more fit. That helped me quite a bit, even though I still struggle with not accepting my looks, and I'm 36.
I still contemplate CTB'ing, not so much due to body dysmorphia (even though it feels like it's still there), but because I took an SSRI (Citalopram) for years and years, and after I stopped taking it, the withdrawal caused me to develop erectile dysfunction at 34 and anorgasmia (difficulty having an orgasm/ejaculation), and I've been dealing with that for 2 years.
What gay man wants to have a partner who has trouble getting hard and cumming? Things could always worse.
I also live in Germany as well, although I am not German myself. If you want to chat sometime to talk more about the plastic surgery/body dysmorphia and rejection in the gay world, I have an open ear.
I think btw, you're still too young to CTB, and I would hold off. But I know that doesn't mean very much when you hear it.
@PlathWannaBe thank you for your contribution, very insightful! I am taking SSRIs too but consider stopping taking them since they don't really help me with my BD. I know I'm still quite young but I don't think it is going to get anytime better only just worse the older I get, so I might as well just ctb now.
@PlathWannaBe omg yes I hate myself for being born a gay man sometimes so hard. And it's not so much "the oppressive heteronormative/homophobic society", it's the GAY COMMUNITY ITSELF that causes my depression. It's like the only asset one can possess is having good looks, nobody cares about having a good personality or being humorous.
@PlathWannaBe omg yes I hate myself for being born a gay man sometimes so hard. And it's not so much "the oppressive heteronormative/homophobic society", it's the GAY COMMUNITY ITSELF that causes my depression. It's like the only asset one can possess is having good looks, nobody cares about having a good personality or being humorous.
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PlathWannaBe
Member
- Nov 15, 2019
- 71
I had a rhinoplasty, because I had two bones that stuck out a bit in the bridge of my nose, which caused it to look crooked, so the doctor basically sanded those bones down which straightened the nose, as well as a septoplasty, so that my deviated septum would be fixed. I can breathe much better through my nose now.
I had my ears pinned back, as they stuck out quite a bit.
Fat was taken from my stomach and injected into my forehead and under my eyes.
And I had a chin implant.
The downsides is that, if you look at me straight on, one of my ears is a bit crooked now, and I didn't have that before the surgery. The surgery was beginning of 2019, and since ears are made of cartilage and I was wearing masks all the time a year later due to Covid, I wonder if that may have made the ear slightly crooked, since the cartilage may not have finished healing before?
I got a scar on the left side of my forehead from where some fat was injected.
My stomach now looks uneven from where the fat was harvested to inject into my face.
I sometimes wonder if my chin implant is actually too large, and wish that I could have a smaller one.
I am white, if that matters, since you asked about my race.
I comfort myself at times by knowing that these things can be fixed by additional surgery (which also costs fucking money
), and also thinking when I'm dead, none of this will matter anyway.
If you read the book, The Velvet Rage, that explains a lot of the problems that gay men deal with.
To be honest with you, even after I mentioned the downsides of plastic surgery, I've worked on my body dysmorphia and my feelings of alienation in the gay community, that if I didn't have erectile dysfunction, I probably wouldn't be considering suicide anymore.
But here we are.
I had my ears pinned back, as they stuck out quite a bit.
Fat was taken from my stomach and injected into my forehead and under my eyes.
And I had a chin implant.
The downsides is that, if you look at me straight on, one of my ears is a bit crooked now, and I didn't have that before the surgery. The surgery was beginning of 2019, and since ears are made of cartilage and I was wearing masks all the time a year later due to Covid, I wonder if that may have made the ear slightly crooked, since the cartilage may not have finished healing before?
I got a scar on the left side of my forehead from where some fat was injected.
My stomach now looks uneven from where the fat was harvested to inject into my face.
I sometimes wonder if my chin implant is actually too large, and wish that I could have a smaller one.
I am white, if that matters, since you asked about my race.
I comfort myself at times by knowing that these things can be fixed by additional surgery (which also costs fucking money
), and also thinking when I'm dead, none of this will matter anyway.Yes, the gay community can be quite difficult, I agree. Most of it comes from the fact that so many of us were rejected as children and teens, so we learned this behavior at an early age, and we pass it on to each other, because it's been imprinted on us.
If you read the book, The Velvet Rage, that explains a lot of the problems that gay men deal with.
To be honest with you, even after I mentioned the downsides of plastic surgery, I've worked on my body dysmorphia and my feelings of alienation in the gay community, that if I didn't have erectile dysfunction, I probably wouldn't be considering suicide anymore.
But here we are.
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Yes that's true and many LGBT people suffer from mental illnesses and commit suicide.
Interesting mix of prodcedures. I got moles removed from my face because I really didn't like them but that's it.I had a rhinoplasty, because I had two bones that stuck out a bit in the bridge of my nose, which caused it to look crooked, so the doctor basically sanded those bones down which straightened the nose, as well as a septoplasty, so that my deviated septum would be fixed. I can breathe much better through my nose now.
I had my ears pinned back, as they stuck out quite a bit.
Fat was taken from my stomach and injected into my forehead and under my eyes.
And I had a chin implant.
The downsides is that, if you look at me straight on, one of my ears is a bit crooked now, and I didn't have that before the surgery. The surgery was beginning of 2019, and since ears are made of cartilage and I was wearing masks all the time a year later due to Covid, I wonder if that may have made the ear slightly crooked, since the cartilage may not have finished healing before?
I got a scar on the left side of my forehead from where some fat was injected.
My stomach now looks uneven from where the fat was harvested to inject into my face.
I sometimes wonder if my chin implant is actually too large, and wish that I could have a smaller one.
I am white, if that matters, since you asked about my race.
I comfort myself at times by knowing that these things can be fixed by additional surgery (which also costs fucking money
Yes, the gay community can be quite difficult, I agree. Most of it comes from the fact that so many of us were rejected as children and teens, so we learned this behavior at an early age, and we pass it on to each other, because it's been imprinted on us.
If you read the book, The Velvet Rage, that explains a lot of the problems that gay men deal with.
To be honest with you, even after I mentioned the downsides of plastic surgery, I've worked on my body dysmorphia and my feelings of alienation in the gay community, that if I didn't have erectile dysfunction, I probably wouldn't be considering suicide anymore.
But here we are.
The reason I asked about race is that different races tend to have different facial structure. And also, non white races are automatically considered less sexually desirable in the gay community: "no blacks no spice no rice" comments are common.
As a non white gay that gave me sever body dysphoria, and made me want to bleach my skin white. I would still bleach my skin white if there was an easy way to do so that I found. But I haven't found any yet.
My face is kind of ugly in general too, my cheeks are too wide and open. Would be interested in changing that but I dont think I can unless I had better bone structure.
Well, I am white and I'm not satisfied with myself so I don't know if changing your skin color would change anything about your BD. I doubt Michael Jackson was happier as a "white person" than when he was black. Plus, those people who reject you because of your skin color would probably reject many whites as well because they're extremely superficial/shallow.
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Put it this way, if you were non white, you'd have one more huge thing to be dissatisfied about. I can't imagine you would be happy to become coloured.
It's well documented that for gay men, race is a HUGE factor in terms of sexual desirability. Many social experiments and studies show this, for example this post:
milly
uncertain of things
- Nov 28, 2021
- 125
O_oreo.
Member
- Dec 30, 2021
- 51
Hola, sufro de dismorfia corporal.
Me considero una cosa fea y desagradable de mirar para mí y para mucha gente.
Eso ha desencadenado muchos problemas.
Nunca he tenido novio y creo que es por mi físico y mi personalidad.
También quiero hacer ctb, pero es difícil y da miedo.
Por ahora tomo antidepresivos y me autolesiono
A veces he tenido paranoia.
Yo, siempre he sentido esa presión
Y llegué a la conclusión de que ahorraré e invertiré en la cirugía.
Estoy cansado de recibir rechazo o acoso o indiferencia o incluso feos comentarios indirectos.
Seamos realistas, la sociedad se preocupa más por la apariencia.
Y serás ignorado si eres feo
Además me cabrea que mi madre insista en que sea positivo cuando también sabe que no soy muy agraciado y sabe que lo soy.
You are good looking.
Ayahuasca cured my self-hatred (unfortunately I still have depression...). But could be worth a try.
It's our brains which are f@@ked up. Like every man I was ever with, I never felt desired. Sucks to our shoddy brains.
Ayahuasca cured my self-hatred (unfortunately I still have depression...). But could be worth a try.
It's our brains which are f@@ked up. Like every man I was ever with, I never felt desired. Sucks to our shoddy brains.
There's something called "looking better with age". That is, whatever visual of your face that looks ugly at 22 can look passably attractive 5 to 10 years later. As you get older, you take on a more mature, worn-out look, because biology. And whatever facial and bodily imperfections that make you look ugly at today's age become largely irrelevant. Things like a weird-angled tooth, a mole, an odd-shaped eyebrow, or whatever else, it all gets drowned out by the general aging of your body. So as a whole, you WILL start looking more attractive.
I realize this sounds discouraging, because you have to WAIT 5 to 10 years before you start looking better. So this post isn't meant to stop you from doing what you feel is necessary. But you also have to realize that ugliness doesn't last a lifetime. So if you're willing to tough it out until you get older, then perhaps you can stay alive AND enjoy the benefits of looking better. Also, maybe I'm speaking as an American, but I thought the LGBT community wasn't as focused on looks as the straight community.
I realize this sounds discouraging, because you have to WAIT 5 to 10 years before you start looking better. So this post isn't meant to stop you from doing what you feel is necessary. But you also have to realize that ugliness doesn't last a lifetime. So if you're willing to tough it out until you get older, then perhaps you can stay alive AND enjoy the benefits of looking better. Also, maybe I'm speaking as an American, but I thought the LGBT community wasn't as focused on looks as the straight community.
I don't know, I think this has more to do with the country/culture you live in. If you live in a predominantly "white" country (a country where the majority of people are white), most will probably prefer a white partner too. But let's say if I were to move to Japan, I would probably experience a lot of xenophobia/racism/exclusion based on my looks because I look different. Of course that sucks but you just have to find people who accept who you are, you don't want to suck up to people who discriminate against you because of your skin color/ethnicity? And I myself know some people who are not into "the nordic blonde Caucasian type" but prefer a Mediterranean/Latino type or Black/Asian. And btw, apps like Grindr are toxic as hell and worsen my BD by a LOT so I should stay away from them but I can't for some reason. I'm trying to overcome my BD by doing a psychotherapy but it's a very long way for me.
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Not true. Why are japenese animations etc. full of blonde haired blue eyed characters? White skin is worshipped globally, and in Africa and Asia, the lighter your skin is the better treatment you get (colourism).
The people not into whites are an extreme minority, if you look at dating site statistics etc.
I was so surprised to see your pictures. You're so handsome and you obviously take really good care of yourself. You look really fit. Still, I guess none of that helps because it's not what you see when you look at yourself.
I've always been unattractive and overweight. I briefly lost a lot of weight and made more effort with my appearance when I had a huge crush on someone but I've reverted back to my old self now. I guess I don't feel the same need to feel attractive as I've resigned myself to being single. I probably can't grasp how important and debilitating it is for you.
I guess I just wanted to respond because I wish you felt better about yourself. I know it's such a cliche but it's being beautiful on the inside I would think that leads to a long term relationship. I think we sometimes care less about things as we get older too. I kind of think those platitudes won't help either though and I'm sorry. I really hope you can make peace with your appearance and wish you all the best.
I've always been unattractive and overweight. I briefly lost a lot of weight and made more effort with my appearance when I had a huge crush on someone but I've reverted back to my old self now. I guess I don't feel the same need to feel attractive as I've resigned myself to being single. I probably can't grasp how important and debilitating it is for you.
I guess I just wanted to respond because I wish you felt better about yourself. I know it's such a cliche but it's being beautiful on the inside I would think that leads to a long term relationship. I think we sometimes care less about things as we get older too. I kind of think those platitudes won't help either though and I'm sorry. I really hope you can make peace with your appearance and wish you all the best.
I'm also gay and I relate a lot. Part of the reason I want to cbt is a fucked up dysmorphia (although I prefer to name my condition "dysphoria" as I don't believe other people should validate my looks and their perceptions should be considered the basis for reality and not mine. That sounds opressive.). I constantly compare myself to the other gay guys on grindr, hornet, tinder, instagram... And I just can't avoid it. Even if I could, I don't believe I could run away from the fact that so many people (specially gay guys like me, as I tend to compare to those) better both in looks, personality, status, intelligence, etc... exist. And the gay culture itself doens't help as for the majority of cases how much other gay or bissexual guys are attracted to you is based on how you mesure up in these social badges. Specially and mainly beauty. You can have it all, but if you lack beauty the majority of gay guys will only date you because they are interested in your social status and money. Grindr itself is a competition of who is the sexiest and who dates the sexiest, and there is a clear division of hierarchies. That's why tripes emerge in the first place, because if you are not the most desirable, at least you can be niche. There is some demand for niches, but chances are you will end up alone. Even when the gay world doesn't help I feel like if I could accept myself my life would be so, so much better. But I just can't do it... and I have tried countless times. I wonder if I should continue trying to swallow the bitter fact that my life is the way it is or die.
That's what I always feel... the gay community itself is hell to me. However I have a very intimate hetero friend that struggles a lot with the expectations imposed on heterosexual men as well. As I see it there's plenty of room to be utterly miserable and it doens't matter what your sexual orientation or your gender is.It seems to me that no community is less punitive with expectations nowadays. Maybe in the past expectations were lower... but today ? With social media and late capitalism ? I doubt so.
I agree with the experiment. However I'd argue a white person who is not considered "handsome" has less chances than a black person who is considered handsome and without the fetishization factor. Specially if they are overwheight. Being overwheight on grindr is death. Still you are not wrong, black people are less valued on grindr either way.
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The thing is being overweight is curable with a diet. I used to be overweight and now I'm skinny. But you can't change your race.
Honestly if i was white I think my body dysphoria would go away
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Euthanza
Self Righteous Suicide
- Jun 9, 2022
- 1,431
I'm wearing glasses but I don't like it, especially when I look in the mirror I tend to take it off so it seems kinda blur
WhatPowerIs
Paragon
- Jun 19, 2022
- 947
same I hate how I look with glasses. I'm considering switching to contacts. My eyes deteriorating is one of the worst things thats ever happened to me and its all my fault
I am sorry that you feel that way. I can't know how your life would have been if you were white. What I can say for me is that I am white and I have a high degree body dysphoria. Big part of the reasons why a am here. The body and face I desire are very distant from what I have, it doesn't have to do with getting more skinny or jacked. It has to do with bone structure so I will never have it. I wonder though, how can many people not have body dysphoria with instagram being that contant bombarding of perfect lives and bodies. And people will say "it's not real, they are also unhappy". I wish I was unhappy like them, in a luxurious hotel by some beach in greece with a natural blonde perfect face and body, not having to work for a day in their lives cause mamma and daddy + the income from their social media just for existing and showing off. They are paid to show off how perfect they are... how is that any fair, existencially speaking, with the rest of us ? They must be so unhappy, sure.
milly
uncertain of things
- Nov 28, 2021
- 125
PlathWannaBe
Member
- Nov 15, 2019
- 71
Does anyone know if the OP of this post, Bodydysmorphia, is still alive?
I struggle with body dysmorphia, but I can promise you, if SSRI's hadn't killed me sexually, I think I would probably have a boyfriend at this point, and my body dysmorphia would be easier to deal with. But it feels like SSRI's have ruined my life. I'm so tired of this bullshit.
I am sorry, and I know that being non-white and dating in the gay world is almost always harder. It's like being a double minority sort of. I am white and really struggling with dating in the gay world, so I know it must be hard for you. :(
I agree with you, and it makes me also super angry when I see these beautiful people with their social media, proudly displaying their hot bodies and seemingly raking in all this money. They are people, and they have their own problems too, so I try not to forget that. They are after all only showing us pictures when they appear happy, but we're only seeing snapshots, and not the whole reality of their lives. Of course they only want us to see them when they're in exotic places looking happy.
I struggle with body dysmorphia, but I can promise you, if SSRI's hadn't killed me sexually, I think I would probably have a boyfriend at this point, and my body dysmorphia would be easier to deal with. But it feels like SSRI's have ruined my life. I'm so tired of this bullshit.
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