inhaunted-attics
Member
- Dec 3, 2022
- 6
Hi, all,
Female, 37. I've been a member for a long time but haven't posted in ages.
Last time I posted, I'd planned to ingest the SN I purchased. A...lot has happened since then. I spent some time in the psych hospital, lost my SN, purchased it again. Lost it again. The supplier was arrested (as I'm sure many of you know). No longer have access to it.
My lifelong eating disorder reached a critical point, and I spent a good chunk of 2025 in the hospital. I tried ketamine and TMS for my depression. Gained some weight. Felt a bit better.
Then, at the start of 2026, I got breast cancer. I genuinely didn't want to pursue treatment, but this caused a massive argument with my husband, and the threat of being kicked out of my house was enough to make me comply.
But I hate chemo. It's hell. I'm bald, my body is taking it poorly (likely because of the ED history, according to my oncologist), so my immune system is shot and I have to take white blood cell stimulating shots every week, which cause major bone pain. I feel subhuman.
The silver lining is that I have Lorazepam and Tramadol, which I know are relatively weak, but they're better than my previous options. For a woman with a BMI in the 19s, I'm wondering if a combination of these two and alcohol might be effective? My liver is already a tiny bit stressed from chemo, so I think that works in my favor, too.
I don't know, I guess I'm just looking for advice. I don't want to blow my chance. I've considered waiting until maybe I can get my BMI lower, too, if that might help.
I'm just so tired and ready to not be here. I've been ready for years.
Female, 37. I've been a member for a long time but haven't posted in ages.
Last time I posted, I'd planned to ingest the SN I purchased. A...lot has happened since then. I spent some time in the psych hospital, lost my SN, purchased it again. Lost it again. The supplier was arrested (as I'm sure many of you know). No longer have access to it.
My lifelong eating disorder reached a critical point, and I spent a good chunk of 2025 in the hospital. I tried ketamine and TMS for my depression. Gained some weight. Felt a bit better.
Then, at the start of 2026, I got breast cancer. I genuinely didn't want to pursue treatment, but this caused a massive argument with my husband, and the threat of being kicked out of my house was enough to make me comply.
But I hate chemo. It's hell. I'm bald, my body is taking it poorly (likely because of the ED history, according to my oncologist), so my immune system is shot and I have to take white blood cell stimulating shots every week, which cause major bone pain. I feel subhuman.
The silver lining is that I have Lorazepam and Tramadol, which I know are relatively weak, but they're better than my previous options. For a woman with a BMI in the 19s, I'm wondering if a combination of these two and alcohol might be effective? My liver is already a tiny bit stressed from chemo, so I think that works in my favor, too.
I don't know, I guess I'm just looking for advice. I don't want to blow my chance. I've considered waiting until maybe I can get my BMI lower, too, if that might help.
I'm just so tired and ready to not be here. I've been ready for years.