Introduce yourself

[Gossamer]

Hi! The name is Gossamer and I'm abysmal at describing myself. I'm in my mid-twenties, out of a job I loved and in a very dark place, so I've hit quite the block. Mental illness had me isolating a lot, which prompted me to seek information and community before doing anything dire. I'm a very shy person in general, preferring to speak with art and often doubting that my words are good enough, but I always try to be mindful when I talk.


I really hope that this experience will be good and that it may at least help me have an informed opinion instead of sinking into obscurity!

 

[a_lesser_moon]

Hi! Thanks for approving my request to join. I'm 24 years old and female. I came here because I've had a rough year doing intensive therapies for my multiple mental disorders and after all that I still feel awful and suicidal. That treatment was my last hope, so I'm now wondering how I'm going to ctb and looking for people to talk to, because everyone around me gets worried if I talk about suicide.

 

[Unununium]

Hey everybody. I created this account because I wanted to check with you guys if my setup for CTB is all good, but then I decided to give something a final shot first. So now I'm stuck for about a month, awaiting a possible reply to see whether I got lucky or not. I don't have my hopes up but at least if I have to go, I want to be able to tell myself that I really REALLY tried absolutely everything I could do and didn't leave behind any "but what if I would have done this" kind of thoughts.

Problem is, now I'm super bored. I already have been in complete social isolation for 2 years (think of something like a hikikomori), but at least up until recently I had a goal I was striving towards, but now that goal is reached, and even though now I have all the free time I wish I had before, I just don't feel like doing anything.

I have a pile of videogames I suppose I want to play, but I guess not really, since I'm hardly touching them. I can't find any interesting movies to watch (already watched thousands) and if I do bring myself to watch something, I usually get bored. I could rub one off freely, but I'm not in the mood for that neither. Can't even sleep comfortably for long enough.

I guess I wouldn't mind going out for a walk with someone but I literally know zero people. Even online, I don't have talk to anyone, I don't belong to any specific community for gaming or anything.

Just bored. I thought maybe here some people wouldn't mind having a voice chat, but it's not clear to me if that's against the rules? Since it says don't post or request contact info of any kind (I don't know if this includes, like, a skype/discord/telegram contact or not).

So yeah. I thought of writing this message here and say hi, and that's something to do at least.

EDIT: Come to think of it, isn't there any way for some of us to get together and play some PC games online?

 

[stillmind2]

Hello, everyone. I am new here, so still collecting info that is pertinent to the cause. I posted two items but I'm not able to find them. Well, anyway... Thank you for being here, people. It sure makes it feel a bit less lonely.

 

[LateDecember]

Hi everyone, nice to meet you (or sorry to meet you?) ! I'm looking forward to catching my bus sometime late December (hence the name) . Not sure what else to include. I've tried twice before but failed both times and was hospitalized once. I take psych meds (lamictal and fluoxetine, been on the fluoxetine 10+ years and just started lamictal) and am seeing a therapist but it obviously isn't helping. I used to love hiking, drawing and snorkeling but mostly I work now (I'm a vet tech). I'm hoping to find a way to ctb without causing problems for the people who eventually find me. I look forward to learning from you all.

 

[TigerFestival]

A bit late, but I'll introduce myself anyway. My name is Joseph, I'm a 34 year old black male living with my parents. I'm obese, bald, depressed, anxious, bored, a virgin, single, never had a girlfriend before and lack motivation to do anything or care for anything. I'm unemployed and unemployable due to being out of work for 6 years, yet I'm not qualified for disability which makes things suck more, furthermore I have a horrible older brother who visits with his annoying wife and loud and really noisy kids once or twice a year. He puts GREAT pressure onto me to do better and always brings up the fact that once my parents die, I'll be out on the streets. I'm all alone on this, all of my "friends" left me, and my younger sister who was very close to me died in a car accident almost 8 years ago, leaving me alone to fend for myself. The only reason I haven't killed myself is due to my parents and how devastated they were after my sister's passing, once my parents die, is when I'll strongly more likely to end myself since they'll be no one to cry for my suicide. I try to numb my pain with video games, as well as modding them and try to scratch my artistic side more, although the fun I get from them lasts for a short time and would only be in short bursts, the one thing I do that REALLY numbs my pain is daydreaming since it takes me to a different world of fun, happiness, and freedom with amazing friends, family, a girlfriend, adventures etc. It feels great doing this. Another thing that helps is when I sleep and I fantasize and dream of the life I want to have. Sigh too bad they'll never be reality. Anyway I rambled on alot. I'm happy to have found this community where I can freely vent out my unhappiness and frustrations without pushback from assholes who just say "man up" or "quit being a baby" etc. Thanks moderators for letting me in. I'm happy to know I'm not the only one suffering. Still it's very lonely sigh.

 

[unnoticed]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

hi! i'm an unemployed college dropout (since 2020) who does nothing but lay and bed, get high, listen 2 my tunes, try not to eat, and think about pokémon to distract myself. i also really love cats…my little buddies are what keep me around, i think. ༺♥༻

 

[InjuredBrainGamer]

Hi I am a male 31 yo living in Canada, I have an injured brain from a concussion that led to a stroke that affected memory and other aspects of my personality. I also have tinnitus, PTSD, POTS syndrome, anxiety, bipolar and multiple personality disorders of which I am a chronic sufferer of all of these. I currently take some medicine like lithium orotate and lions mane from amazon and eat the right food like sardines and eggs to help my brain. I have been suffering for a long long time. I did have IBS in the past and other smaller conditions and I have cured those myself. Let me just say that the free Canadian Healthcare System is a JOKE, it is meant to just treat the symptoms and injuries and never cure any chronic conditions. I used to work in the healthcare field as a caregiver and it absolutely broke my spirit to see the medical system not cure anyone, just put a figurative bandage on them and call it a day.

I can still write and read and do other stuff like gaming, but let me just say that my memory is dogshit and my neurotransmitters like dopamine and stuff are messed up and I always get angry (common symptom of brain injuries) and I consider it that I am one of the lucky people with brain injuries from reading other peoples stories with a TBI. The front of my head is still sensitive and I cannot apply any pressure to it as it makes me dizzy and awful thus I have to learn to live with this disability on top of my other chronic conditions.

I know about reincarnation through research on the internet which is why I have joined this forum in hopes of reincarnating peacefully in the future before my chronic conditions get worse.

I do not know where my life will take me, I just take it one day at a time.

 

[a3q]

Hey everyone, I'm 27 from Lithuania. I've been lurking on and off a couple of years honestly, finally thought of posting once at least. Honestly I don't have any major physical issues. Most of my problems are major depression, personality disorder, high sociopathic tendencies and a fucked up childhood with me being forced to care and earn for myself from 17. I've went to various psychologists and psychiatrists. Was on meds for 6 years but quit on my on decision because it was just getting worse everyday mentally. 1.5years without medication, I felt a bit better but in recent months everything is going downhill again.
I have tried several times to CTB via hanging, overdosing a cocktail of OTC, prescription and recreational drugs. I don't want to say the exact reasons as to why I tried. I used to drink heavily before, stopped but now abuse amphetamine but with 3-4month breaks in between. Honestly amphetamine helped with my depression episodes better than meds, weird but go figure.
I wouldn't say my life is a wreck, it was before but now it's pretty stable because I got a hold of myself and forced to fix everything.
I've been living alone since 17, was on the street couple times, lived in a different country, got back to my hometown and restarted again.
I have issues when it comes to relationships because I can't properly understand or express emotions which ends up in failure to communicate and usually ended relations. I kept losing motivation and interest in anything I used to do and anything new I try to do. I mostly work every single day just to keep myself busy and push away any negative thoughts. I'm tired of it all, I decided it's time again to try and end it. This time trying it new style with SN. Maybe this time I won't be found and forced to carry on.

It was fun lurking around and seeing what most of you experience, share and discuss.

 

[BornToFail]

Hi
I'm a 20 year old man from the US. I've been here many times before but end up living because I get in different moods. This time I see myself staying.
I love retro gaming, true crime (A LOT), music, drawing, skateboarding, and cycling.
Thanks,
BornToFail

 

[ManicPanic2018]

Hi. I'm Zoey. 29 Mtf trans woman from the UK. Not expecting to get to 30, but never really thought I'd get this far either.

Not only have I been living with the joke of being a 6ft6 tall trans woman and also bipolar, but I had "The surgery" back in 2018 by a surgeon who mutilated me to the point that I can't live a happy fulfilled life. I've done enough screaming at the universe about how unfair this all feels, but I'm running out of energy to keep doing it. So I'm looking into the options available to me to finally make my way out.

Will be nice to talk to others in similar situations. Not that I expect there anyone out there in the same boat of being a 6ft6 tall trans woman mutilated by a hack surgeon, but hey ho. Just glad to be somewhere that suicide can be talked about openly and not met with a patronising response by some fucking mouthbreather trying to convince me not to do it.

Nice to meet you all. All the best with your own journeys.

 

[reverse03]

Hello everyone.
I am 25yo. Been in pain physically, mentally, and emotionally for a long time. I am too tired that I just want to end it all. Came here to do some research especially on SN and N, and hopefully can get some help on it. I am just glad that I found this forum.

 

[c-out]

Hello everyone. I am a 28 year old male living in the US. I recently found this site while looking for information on ways to CTB, and hope to do so soon. Seeing all the kind people who understand the choice to commit in these forums is comforting, and I'm glad there's a place like this for people to get the support they need. Stay safe, everyone. It's nice to meet you all.

 

[Wantingtogo]

Hi everyone. I'm brand new to this site and despite all the dire warnings I read about it elsewhere I find it refreshing to talk here openly and honestly about crippling depression and wanting to leave this life behind without judgement or hysterics. I don't want to encourage suicide but neither do I think entire systems should be devoted to stopping an adult from taking thier own life if that is their choice.

While I think seriously about suicide a lot, my anxiety ironically prevents me from actually doing it. That said I find myself engaging in high risk behavior- sort of a slow form of suicide without suicide if that makes sense. By high risk I mean things that put me in serious legal danger or physically hurt my body.

What my conscious mind doesn't allow my subconscious mind look for ways to harm myself. While I am not "dead" nor am I "living." Does anyone relate or have thoughts about that?

thanks

 

[rhysion]

Hey and hello, everyone here. Just now saw the thread so figured id intro too. 26, ftm, married and just... my whole life has been giant rough spots lol. Dealt with some horrific abuse growing up and I've been trying off and on to ctb off and on since i was.. young, four i think was my first time, when things get too much. Dad died a few months back, moms in not the best place cause she lost her mom and spouse and got a rude awakening that a majority of her friends weren't actually friends. Im married and my spouse is amazing which is a wonderful privilege but with everything im carrying sometimes it gets the better of me. Dx'ed DID, cPTSD and ADD, and a few professionals think i could have autism and/or OCD (or something similar) as well but thats not official. The state that im in is extremely transphobic so im working with spouse on saving so we can move up north where rights would be protected but its a really rough process and i do have some hope, but seems lately that hope's been more scarce. My job doesnt help because im in a field where im exposed to a lot of controversial and sometimes disturbing content, but its the only part time job i can keep for the moment. I have some very loving cats and in general im hoping to either get to a point in my life i can carry and function with the trauma ive had to experience, or peacefully move on to whatever's next.
I love a lot of different music and have a few special interests like language and how it evolves, skyrim, minecraft, many science topics, cats, and a broader interest of the hows and whys of socialization, human and otherwise.
In general I'm hoping that i dont have to be this tired and worn out such the rest of my existence. So.. hi lol.

 

[Achromatix]

Hi,
There's nothing interesting to say, sorry... I can't do anything unless someone tells me if im doing said thing perfectly. A weak and lonely person. Although im tall and overweight, im very timid. Nice to be here still.

Hmu with self harm strats, i need a method and am way to scared to attempt something without guidance (scared to cut too deep, etc..)

Nice to meet you all!

 

[rationaltake]

Hi. I'm Zoey. 29 Mtf trans woman from the UK. Not expecting to get to 30, but never really thought I'd get this far either.

Not only have I been living with the joke of being a 6ft6 tall trans woman and also bipolar, but I had "The surgery" back in 2018 by a surgeon who mutilated me to the point that I can't live a happy fulfilled life. I've done enough screaming at the universe about how unfair this all feels, but I'm running out of energy to keep doing it. So I'm looking into the options available to me to finally make my way out.

Will be nice to talk to others in similar situations. Not that I expect there anyone out there in the same boat of being a 6ft6 tall trans woman mutilated by a hack surgeon, but hey ho. Just glad to be somewhere that suicide can be talked about openly and not met with a patronising response by some fucking mouthbreather trying to convince me not to do it.

Nice to meet you all. All the best with your own journeys.

Welcome to the site. Sorry you're here. I'm not in the same situation as you. I just have a body I can't stand. I want to go. I have other reasons too. Really awful what happened to you.

 

[StrawberryCane]

I'm here as someone with chronic, but not terminal illness. The all-cause mortality is increased, but that's generally due to suicide or surgery complications. I'm at a dead end, I will be in pain forever, and there are no medications or treatments that help. It is a neurological/ophthalmological disease that is also making it increasingly impossible for me to work. Life no longer has enjoyment for me.

While I'm not ready to go yet, I do not see any reason why I'd want to live decades more like this. I'm ready to be around a rational community who understands that we don't have to stay alive forever, just for the sake of staying in a physically living body.

 

[SieMeCryOrDie]

I'm Sie, US woman, 29yr old, from the East Coast, who is currently homeless. I'm an empath and HSP, dark sense of humor, in LOVE with movies, television, and reading. I have severe Social Anxiety, agoraphobia, and i'm tired of fighting just to be heard and treated like a person. Hi

 

[trayansh]

Hi, I am Trayansh from India. I found out about this place while searching about SN. I like playing guitar and I am gamer, sometimes I code and try to learn different language but I lose my motivation and give up because I feel like what's the point if I am gonna ctb anyway. Got no friends but I used to have them few years ago and I isolated myself from them and family slowly cause of my depression and suicidal thoughts. Didn't have a good childhood or family and it affected my view of world and that caused to me stay alone and not being to able make connections with others. I tried to ctb when I was 9 and didn't know about it, one day I just felt empty and nothing made sense and i didn't want to feel that way so I picked up a knife and tried to cut myself but I heard my mom coming and I couldn't do it, after that I had few more attempts but nothing serious. I am 26 now and things didn't got better, I fell in love got my heart broken and lost my favourite person, when I was with her I was really happy and for the first time I wanted to live but now she is gone everything feels pointless. I really want to ctb but I don't want to hurt my mom, she has gone through much, idk how long I can do this.

 

[Aurora_chaser]

I'm Aurora (they/she/he), 30, from the frozen north. I love my home and I've been a tour guide here for several years. I'm a hiker, camper, explorer, gamer, and nerd. I have lovely friends whom I cherish, and I love my work (Hell, even when I'm not working, I'll still tour-guide! DM me and I'll show you around, at least as long as I am here

However, in this lifetime I have dealt with a myriad of mental illnesses and trauma, and I am exhausted. I feel like I am well liked by my friends because I am great at masking, but that becomes exhausting too. The one person who actually understood me completely was my partner, and they are on the other side now . For almost two years, I've felt like my life is fulfilled, like I reached as good as it is going to get when they were alive. I've seen everything I want to see and have done everything I want to do. My mental illnesses, gender expression, and neurodivergence cause me so much suffering and isolation. I feel like certain mental illnesses are terminal illnesses. I'm declining, and my will to keep up a brave face for the people I love is withering away. I'm really working on CTB before the end of the year.

The one thing that has kept me from CTB is that I haven't figured out how to successfully make it look like an accident without OD. I don't want to OD because that's how my partner went out and it was so traumatic for all of our friends that we all promised each other to never use hard substances again. Even in death, I don't want them to think I don't value their feelings.

 

[Gingerspice]

Good Evening

What can I say I'm a mess, I have been since my teens. Bullied to the point of CTB at school, college and my place of work. First marriage ruined because of my form of self harming. Second marriage on the rocks. Step children who hate me. Parents who hate me for never giving them grandkids. Dead end no skill job. Addictions Include alcohol and prostitutes

 

[sunshiningbackwards]

Thanks for the account approval. I'm a 27 year old male in Chicago. I have body dysmorphia and testosterone messes with my head so I take estrogen to treat it. I've dealt with depression, anxiety, ADHD and asperger's for many years now but despite it all I'm still here for better or worse. I am very interested in philosophy and its answers to the problem of suicide as well as the endorsements of suicide it has to offer. Nice to meet everyone.

 

[StolenLife]

Hello everyone,
I am 22 years old. Due to both my own mistakes and some outside factors I had no control over, my life was turned into a nightmare. This nightmare started ten years ago, and other mistakes and hardships added up throughout high school and early university years. My situation is too complex and oddly specific to post it right here, but the basic result is that I am a recluse with no one to talk to in real life, and haunting memories that won't leave me alone no matter how much I try. I've tried help but to no avail, and no one else in my life is left to save me, assuming that they even remember I exist. I have reached my limit and I want to die as I should have ten years ago, which would have spared me so much suffering and loneliness.
I am so grateful for this community, as a long time lurker I see so much empathy on this forum that seems to be lost in the general public. I wish all of us get to achieve the peace we deserve.

 

[Badatlove]

Hi everyone
Found out today I made this profile already 2 years ago..im a big lurker everywhere on the internet.. can't talk in rl with my friends about suicide so here I always feel surrounded with like minded people that are inside just as empy and depressed as me without sugarcoating. 31 year old woman from EU and my parents were just emotional little kids themselves and from young age I felt like I had to raise them. Never been really hugged or complimented or loved in ways you should treat your child. The house life was cold weird no real intimacy angry dad , my mother leaned on my like I was the parent as a child. Made me suffer from BPD, bpd is horrible disorder unlivable, unable to attach and because I feel emotions so intense and Im extremely addicted personality, it get tiring always needing drugs, smoking 20 sigs a day.. I feel very old already, tired of living. On same time I cant grow up people around me get married and kids.. Im jobless for 3 years mostly sitting in the house smoke weed and weekends party with lots of drugs and toxic annoying other addict people. Family im not really feeling a connection with, my friends I do but I cant feel like living only for them. Was very in love for 1,5 years but guys always leave me eventually they figure out how big my emotions are and need for attention and care is. Also suffer from so so many anxiety about the world and diseases and suffer from toxic shame makes it unduable.
Unfortunately im very spiritual too and afraid if I ctb I get a harder after life.
Planning slowly now, first get a job and more money so I can finally do some last stuff.. plan on ctb with fentanyl overdose atm but still figuring out methods
Happy to connect here with you all.

 

[TheLobster]

Hi everyone

I'm a 36 yo woman from a small country in Europe. I have a perfect boyfriend of many years and 3 perfect kids. And I just really don't think I'm fit to be in this world.

I have severe problems because of my ADHD, and it seems that there is no medication which has an effect on me. I have a hard time finding a job (I used to be a freelance illustrator but it doesn't pay enough), and we're desperate for the money. I feel overwhelmed all the time by responsibility, looking for jobs, maintaining friendships, my constant bad conscience, and being active and social. I don't feel like myself anymore. I'm boring now. I'm a shadow compared to before.

I feel comfort in knowing that ctb is my way of having some sort of control. I don't think about my loved ones and how they'll react. I just don't think I have anymore to give to my family and the world. It seems that everything is a struggle and I'm just not that kinda person who perseveres and uses it to my advantage and learns from it and all that shit.
I just want a break - or to be set free...

L

 

[gramenii]

Hi everyone, and thanks for approving my account
I'm 25 and from Europe. I suffer from BPD, anxiety, panic disorder and depression. BPD ruined my most important relationship and I lost my most important person ever. I'm no longer myself, I don't recognise me anymore. Can't laugh, can't listen to music, can't watch movies. All I wanted was just human connection, and I lost that.
I used to like photography, cinematography, books, trips and had dreams of seing the world. I was into sports as I have a quite athletic built. Been called the funniest and kindest friend, yet I'm all alone.
I don't dream about anything anymore. All I want is to just sleep and not wake up.

 

[shamefulfaliure]

I am the definition of badluck nothing works for me I am a complete laughing stock. I have a very bad dentition. At 38 never had a gf. The talk of the neighbourhood. Well my suicide will be their last talk my time is here

 

[crowbait]

I guess making an introduction would be good. It's nice to be here. I'm a 21 year old student from Canada, bisexual and androgynous. In my third year old of killing time with an English degree to become a librarian or editor or something in the event I stick it out. BPD, PTSD, autism, recovered "atypical anorexic", typical neglectful shitty childhood with parents fucked up from their own neglectful shitty childhoods so now I'm a shitty young adult barely making it by. I even had a stint in homelessness this spring that deeply traumatized me! When I'm not occupied with my own death I like folklore, weird animals, literature, forests, and collecting knick-knacks. I've stuck around because of my friends, my cat, and music I haven't listened to yet. But I've listened to a lot of music this year, and my cat is 13 and unwell, and my friends are going to be just fine.

 

[jjwtn26]

Hello everyone. I am 26 and a male. I used to like to garden and read and watch tv. Now i'm mostly bored all the time. The only time I actually enjoy myself is when I spend time with my mom which is about once a month or so.

I also hate going to work and going out in public.