Introduce yourself

[codedarchaeologist]

Hi, guess I should make an introduction. I'm a student living a bad day that's lasted 21 years. I'm a digital artist when I'm not drowning in my studies. I might post something I make if I don't plan on posting it anywhere else - don't wanna get reverse image search-doxxed. Maybe something like vent art? Always wanted to draw something with CTB-themes, but can't exactly put it on instagram for the family to see. I've recently gotten heavily into things I liked in middle school, so I'm compiling a playlist of good vocaloid (and vocaloid-adjacent) songs with themes of mental health/ctb/general angst. Feel free to msg me with suggestions!

 

[Depresso]

Hello!
I'm 28f and been dealing with mental health issues starting in my late teens. I'm pretty much a loner alcoholic that spends most of my time gaming. I've pretty much fucked my life up with terrible financial choices made throughout my life and my habit to attach and obsesses to people to relieve my issues. This has led me to falling in love with a friend that took advantage of my mental health issues and eventually discarded me once he found a girlfriend after this arrangement of 3 years. That was my final tipping point in me ever finding and real happiness in my life since I have nothing else going for me as I still live with my aging parents with no college degree or training. My family doesn't suspect a thing involving my mental health issues and I've never seen anyone for them.

I'm simply waiting for the moment to catch the bus.

 

[LavenderButterfly]

Hello, I exist. And I'm continuing to do so for 20 years now. I live in a funny place called Russia where most people don't believe in existence of such mythical and devilish creatures as people with mental troubles. Good thing that I'm just a lazy student, right? Ahaha- In any case, I waste my days doing bare minimum of work and mostly surfing the 'net afterwards. I like to interact with people and I'm also somewhat obsessive over those who are close to me. I kind of enjoy browsing various resources about CTB because they relief me somehow... all the slim chances of succeeding and all the great chances of only partially succeeding make me feel like trying to live just a little more... I still sometimes spiral downwards and hurt myself and the others because of my attempts, but that's just life, I guess. Other than that, I'm not much different from your normal person, I play games, look at anime pictures, play games about anime pictures, sometimes listen to music and drink alcohol.

I found this place only recently and I like you people, honestly. I hope it's a step forward in my existence and I will finally find a way to proceed to the next stage of it, one way or another, even if it would be the final one.

 

[Domika]

Hey I'm Domika and my life is a complete mess. Geniuenly.

I'm struggling with the fact that every single day it becomes harder and harder to function, I'm almost to the point where I can't go a day without something minor going wrong and me breaking down into tears and sobbing. I go to bed and I don't wanna wake up, I struggle to find a reason to do anything, etc etc I'm sorry if this sounds generic and textbook...

Um as for likes I enjoy video games and watching shows and stuff if.

 

[toro]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

Hi, everyone :) you can call me toro (like the sonycat :D), im 18(F - i think? its complicated LAWL), i like anime and music, joined this site in hopes of finding sources and possible friends that feel similar to me :) id love to make some friends here that understand the way I feel, im not great at socializing tbf X_X i like to draw a lot, usually fanart for shows or games i like (SF, HQ, OP and JJBA) i am currently medicated but don't see much changing in my future, i plan to CTB once im living in my own place specifically because i still live with family and i'm worried about any of them potentially walking in on a method, i don't want any of them to see me like that lol

aside from anime and stuff im also into horror/slashers!! plz feel free to talk to me about Michael Myers :D tbh im willing to try anything once, i like looking into tons of different interests so just drop me a suggestion and ill look into it!! if any of u guys are one piece fans PLLEEEASSEE talk to me HAHAHA I need more OP friends!! my faves are buggy and the ASL trio :)

I've been thru all the support you can get, therapy, meds, family support etc, and i just cant see it improving, as im sure a lot of you can relate to since we're all on this site for a reason

 

[Luminousjelly]

Hey everyone, I'm in my early 30s (m), mixed race and NEET, I've scrounged by for a long time now getting by mostly intoxicated for virtually the last decade. I'm surprised I'm still here after this long.

I feel like everydays just an continuation of the next, just surviving but everything around me crumbling a little more. like many here i feel that things are hopeless and can only become more bleak as time goes on. I've tried all the usual counsellors and such but its not helped. Now im put on a new medication.

With all the trauma i've been though in my life I'm not hopeful that these meds with help especially after I've tried so many in the past. I don't mind giving it a go but I'm not holding my breath.

Anyway that's enough about me, it's nice to be here with you all!

 

[peacesoon]

hey everyone. i am 19 years old. my brain is fucked up. self harming helps, but it won't help me for long, so i am here to connect with other suicidal people before i leave earth for good. how fucking tragic

 

[magz]

Call me Ren. An ordinary person who's living his life the way it is. I've been feeling empty and unneeded over the past few years and I'm having trouble dealing with it. For some reason, I always have these thoughts about hanging myself. I dunno, I don't understand why but I'll try my best to ignore it. Oh yeah, I like playing games and exercise, to keep me busy ofc. If you have a question about myself, you are free to ask. Thank you and have a great day

 

[imnotokay]

Hi. I'm a middle-aged female and I've had depression at various times throughout my life. I try to be positive and find things to enjoy, but sometimes the crushing weight of life just feels like too much.

 

[jukeboxd]

Hi all, I'm not very experienced with how forums like this works so I hope I'm doing this correctly. I guess on here you can just call me by 'Juke', although that's not my name lol. I am in my early 20s, and would prefer to not disclose my gender. I am from Indonesia (apologies for my errors in english), I have been dealing with many mental health issues ever since I was young, but have barely gotten any help whatsoever from anybody as they never took me seriously. Here I hope to be accepted in a community that shares similar beliefs as I do about suicide. Thank you for reading!

 

[rail.tracerr]

Hi everyone.

I'm really new to forums as a concept (only used other types of social media where responses are pretty much instant and easy to keep track of), so I have to apologize in advance for messing up somewhere.

I'm rail.tracerr, or you can call me Railsy or Tracerr. I'm 20 years old. Transmasc, autistic, depressed, suicidal, the whole kit and caboodle. From the US and I've lost everything multiple times to the point that I honestly don't know how much is left for me. I'm trying to get better but sometimes it seems impossible, so I'm here to commiserate with people who also feel like recovery is impossible and like we'll never get better. Especially considering I've lost a lot of privacy to express this in my more common locale, Discord.

I'm a bit wordy and bad at expressing myself, but I hope to make some friends and get along with people.

 

[hxppythxught]

Hello! I'm hxppythxught

I'm a 20y/o F/M/T
I just don't identify with any gender, hope thats not a problem. You can call me really any gender/pronouns i don't mind anything.

I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bpd, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

I hope that i can soon CTB because nothing is really working out for me, I've tried to cure myself with medication and professional help but things only seem to get worse..

I'm a genuinely friendly person, so don't feel afraid to talk to me about anything, I'll do my best to encourage you and support you with anything.

 

[notwhereIbelong]

Hi folks, I'm not really gonna give any personal info about me, I'm just gonna say that I've been dealing with suicidal ideation/thoughts since elementary school, and now I carry that along with depression, anxiety, AN-r, cptsd, and suspected bpd

I've thought of CTB many times, it's a constant in my thoughts even when I don't actually have a desire to; I've also tried a couple of times, but always got too scared at the last moment

I'm here to be with people who know what I'm going through and won't lecture me, and also to maybe decide what I'm gonna do

 

[BritishPaul]

Hi, this is my 69th post. That is the funny sex number. You should be laughing right now. Why are you not laughing? Is that not funny? Sorry my creative juices ran out long ago, my brain is just fried today. I consider myself a bit of an idiot, so be aware of that. Also, I don't like being ghosted without good reason or any apology. Tea and biscuits.

 

[theodandel]

Hi, i'm Theo Dandel (not real name ofc). 22 YO M, English is not my first language, so sorry for any grammatical error. I always having S thought and wanting to CTB for many years now, but i still functioned properly in society. I don't have that many friends, and the one i had is starting to drift afart. My initial reason for having these thought is (maybe) because some events that happen when i was teenage, but for now i don't feel those events still affect me at all. The S thought still persist tho, not because of unbearable pain or trauma. Just because i don't have any reason to stay. The only thing that keeps me from doing anything is the fear of pain and the fear of failure and ended being more miserable also the lack of resource for the painless and flawless method. I live in south east asia country where acces to FA is impossible.

I tried to recover and seek help, but because my country is really religious one, i just keep getting stigmatized. So yeah, when i found out about this place i was really happy. I'm at the point where i dont really care anymore if i keep breathing or no. Its either i read enough, share enough, and talk enough that i found some way to keep existing, or i found a method to stop waking up in the morning.

 

[northgirl123]

Hi I'm F38 from the UK. I've suffered with my mental health most of my life and tried to CTB many times. I tried around 3 weeks ago and almost succeeded but my SI kicked in and I'm still here. I've had a lot of trauma throughout my life. Sometimes I think is it a genuine mental health issue or have I just had so much shit to deal with that my reaction of giving up is actually quite normal? Anyway, I've had enough now. Lost the love of my life 3 months ago and it was the final straw after years and years of hell. Wishing everyone here the best of luck and truly hope you can either heal or find a peaceful way out

Hi, i'm Theo Dandel (not real name ofc). 22 YO M, English is not my first language, so sorry for any grammatical error. I always having S thought and wanting to CTB for many years now, but i still functioned properly in society. I don't have that many friends, and the one i had is starting to drift afart. My initial reason for having these thought is (maybe) because some events that happen when i was teenage, but for now i don't feel those events still affect me at all. The S thought still persist tho, not because of unbearable pain or trauma. Just because i don't have any reason to stay. The only thing that keeps me from doing anything is the fear of pain and the fear of failure and ended being more miserable also the lack of resource for the painless and flawless method. I live in south east asia country where acces to FA is impossible.

I tried to recover and seek help, but because my country is really religious one, i just keep getting stigmatized. So yeah, when i found out about this place i was really happy. I'm at the point where i dont really care anymore if i keep breathing or no. Its either i read enough, share enough, and talk enough that i found some way to keep existing, or i found a method to stop waking up in the morning.

May I ask what is your country? I am of a certain religion and I have the guilt of that on top of feeling the way I do. It's awful and I feel your pain.

 

[redisblue]

Hey! My name's Red, I'm a guy (he/him) and I feel like shit. I sound really cheerful but inside I want to cry! LOL. Anyways, I'm new to this site - I've been looking around for a few days, but I've finally got around to saying something :) I'm still navigating how this works and where everything is, so excuse me if I make a mistake. Anyways, I'm excited to be here and hope that this will become a safe space for me!

 

[Teresec]

Hey, I am Teresec, I struggle with anxiety, I stumbled upon this site a while ago, and decided to make an account, then use the site as an outlet.
Music is my prime interest, might talk a lot about it, likewise for games.

 

[theodandel]

Hi I'm F38 from the UK. I've suffered with my mental health most of my life and tried to CTB many times. I tried around 3 weeks ago and almost succeeded but my SI kicked in and I'm still here. I've had a lot of trauma throughout my life. Sometimes I think is it a genuine mental health issue or have I just had so much shit to deal with that my reaction of giving up is actually quite normal? Anyway, I've had enough now. Lost the love of my life 3 months ago and it was the final straw after years and years of hell. Wishing everyone here the best of luck and truly hope you can either heal or find a peaceful way out

May I ask what is your country? I am of a certain religion and I have the guilt of that on top of feeling the way I do. It's awful and I feel your pain.

I'm from Indonesia, a country that doesnt really get the concept of mental health :)

 

[northgirl123]

I'm from Indonesia, a country that doesnt really get the concept of mental health :)

Oh I see. Islam. Yeah, same for me too

 

[nico_wren]

Hii^^ I am a person with Autism, BPD, and MDD. Explaining all that in very little words is basically this; I am a deeply anxious and emotional individual. I finally decided to make an account and start posting, but it's still very anxiety inducing for me. I'll try my best, and it's nice to meet you all! :)

 

[darkdarkdark]

Hi I found this website when I was looking for methods for ctb.

 

[needleinthehay]

Hey everyone, just joined a few days ago. Not gonna bore you all with the details of my life but I'm here for the same reason everyone else is. I'm 25, been waiting at the bus stop since I was 13. Not sure when it'll happen, but I can't see any other end for myself or the pain of existing in this life. Tired of empty platitudes and phone numbers shoved in my face from people who just don't get it and probably never will.

 

[Riverz]

Hello everyone, my name is Riverz. I'm a 23 year old trans woman, I work a shit retail job and I'm sick of dragging my sagging corpse of a body around every day.
I'm just really tired... the world around me is so fake. My life is nothing more than work and finding ways to cope with my existence. I don't think I can feel real connection anymore.
I've been suicidal for a long time and I learned awfully quick that you can't trust your "mental health professionals". I shared a little to much with my middle school counselor and ended up in a mental hospital at 13, it really fucked up my life for a few years. This website is a breath of fresh air. It's hard not to talk about something when its always on your mind, so it makes me happy to have found a place for people like us. I think my time to CTB is coming soon but until then I hope to meet many of you and learn what I can here.

best wishes.

 

[GRIM_DEADMAN]

Hello i'm Grim, i'm an 18 year old male with no motivation for anything, even things I enjoy like art and writing.
I've been depressed since I was 13 and have tried to ctb multiple times, though i've always chickened out or failed.
Recently I was admitted to a mental hospital, and since I got out i've decided i'm never going back so my options are either live with a constant feeling of emptiness or fully go through with ctb. I haven't decided.

 

[BroodingBleu]

Hey there everyone, I'm Bleu. A 20-something year old Transgender Cop [Yeah I know, ACAB and all that, I agree to an extent.] who has been diagnosed with Bipolar Type I, and have some sort of anxiety disorder. I have always had the intrusive thoughts of CTB since I was really young, although I always figured it was a normal feeling until I became a teenager. I spent my entire life growing and molding myself into the most cliché masculine man that I always figured I had to be in this world. Only to find out when I graduated high school and left for the military that it wasn't me and that my entire life was a lie, but of course, after 18 years, how do you tell everyone you know and love that you're not who you say you are?

Anyways, after experiencing some traumatic things in my line of work that, in my own mind, there is no coming back from. Not that I'm complaining, since it was my own choice to do this job after all. However, I have attempted to CTB about four times in the last five years with no success. Thankfully in my particular cases, it wasn't bad enough that I couldn't hide it and carry on aside from some bruising to my throat once or twice. I have attempted to seek help through therapy and medication, bouncing from Seroquel, Prozac, and Abilify although of course, nothing ever works enough. At this stage in my life, I don't necessarily want to leave because I don't want to hurt all my family and friends, despite how recklessly they treat me in return, but I have never been able to get rid of the regular thoughts of ideation.

Ironically enough, I came across this site during some work-related stuff. However, after scouring it in my own time I have found that I am much more comfortable here than any where else as I feel as though I can speak freely about my thoughts on the subject at hand and not feel persecuted which is probably the most relieved I have felt in the last decade or so.

TL:DR, I'm pretty much the most cliche transgender story you can think of, aside from having a pretty spicy job.

 

[sleepf0rever]

Hey y'all, I'm M

Recently divorced queer radical leftist who has wanted to die since I was a young teen (1 attempt at 17, been too scared of failing again to try since). This mostly stems from trauma due to living in an abusive household until i was 21. Climate change and the political climate of this country have only made me want to die more, along with being at the age where if you're single you're basically 100% alone cause everyone is too busy w their partners or kids to have time for friends. No romantic prospects and I'm too depressed and mean to even want to get to know people by and large.

Tired of feeling like I can't talk to (most of) the few friends I do have about any this stuff cause it always ends up w them either not understanding the severity of my mental illness or freaking out and making it about how they would feel if I were gone; never any real consideration for my needs, although I think that's pretty common in folks who don't have suicidal ideation

 

[Frogchan]

Hello all. I'm frog and I'm a 25 year old non binary person. Im disabled and diagnosed with bpd and mdd. I feel like I'm aimlessly living through life one day at a time. I've been intensive outpatient but none of it helped me find a reason to live. Talking to therapists made me realize they all don't care. No skill they can teach me can make me want to die less.

I did lots of reflecting and realized I'm just not fit for living in this world. I had enough. I've seen enough. I fully believe in freedom of anatomy. My time has come and I hope I'm no longer here within 5 years.

Loneliness is an understatement for me. even though I'm ready to go anytime, I don't want to be alone in this. If any lgbt person is up to chat feel free to reach out.

 

[kit.]

Hi my name is Kay, I'm 19 years old. I'm a bisexual demisexual women with your typical ADD, Depression, Bipolar (unconfirmed), and Anxiety. I'm very much sick in the head but feel numb and gaslight myself into feeling normal. I failed life and my parents by not being very smart and not being able to finish school. I'm a liability to this world and I know it. I can't wait to die soon, life is not worth living if your not worth it's gift. I'm okay with that fact. I hope someone out there feels how I feel, I hope so anyways. If someone's reading this I hope you slept well. <33

 

[Illidan77]

Hi all, i'm 40 years man child with mdd, gad, adhd. infp, loner. i like music, games, tv shows, swimming. have many interests but kinda jack of all trades, master of none, not even a jack i think. been in a lot of medications but the problem is life, series of misfortunate events, my low MHQ, the cards deal to you at beginning. oh well hope you all are happy / just okay / hanging on/ etc.