Introduce yourself

[cherry7]

I have tried and tried and tried to heal myself and I am tired of trying. I have completely lost any sense of inspiration and vitality, feels like I've lost my soul, and I don't think anyone can help me or fix me. Feels like I'm beyond what humans have developed so far to help each other.

 

[Lavander 230]

Hey. I'm Rachel, 19. I did have a couple of suicidal episodes (I believe most of us had) but that's not the reason I came here for. I actually want to help people with their issues. It gives me happiness and a purpose. Everyone is welcome to hit me up on DMs.

 

[Rexie </3]

Hey I'm Rexie (just an alias obviously). I'm 18 have been contemplating CTB for 3-4 years now. I have anxiety (the only mental health issue that i am certain of at the moment due to it increasing in severity and manifesting in the form of visible physical symptoms) along with potentially having ADHD and BPD (haven't been able to see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis due to stigma around mental health in my family along with several other factors i won't be going into detail about at least for now). I am also a lesbian and i enjoy music (i play the piano), watching anime and playing games like Pokemon and Genshin

I have engaged in several self destructive activities including inflicting physical pain, pretty much starving myself for a couple months and a hedonistic drinking spree with one of my ex friends where we drank so much it was strange how either of us are still alive. At this point I'm just gambling with my life on the line, without really minding either of the potential outcomes.

Very little is stopping me from making a dedicated attempt to ctb. I've joined SS to chat with people i relate to and finally making a decision - Whether to give life a chance for a while longer or to just end it all.

 

[Kasumi]

Hi everyone,
I chose a new name here that's not related to my other socials, so you may call me Kasumi ~
If you are curious, Kasumi is from a Manga known as "Futaribeya" or "A Room For Two", it's one of my very favourite stories.

To be honest I'm pretty surprised, I didn't have any expectations coming here, but after reading for a while I felt like it would be a waste not to talk to everyone here.
Although I'm sure there are some rude people to be found like anywhere if you just search enough, the people here seem to be really kind and I would say generally more thoughtful than on your average social platform.
Rather than thoughtlessly posting rude comments, cringeworthy quotes or starting a fight because they interpret any different opinion as personal attack against themselves,
from what I read so far, people here are aware that people are different and have different opinions, and they can accept it and still respect each other regardless.

Oh right, I guess this is supposed to be a self introduction.. though there is not that much to say about myself.
I don't want to CTB yet (and not at all if it's avoidable like probably anybody else too), but I want to be prepared for the worst.
To be honest I don't think my chances are great that things will still work out, and I generally feel like hope is a curse, rather than anything positive.
It has made me go on, hoping that it might get better some day, but I just wish I did CTB already years ago.
Nevertheless, I have one last chance before my time is finally running out so I'll be hoping for the best and preparing for the worst :)

I'm looking forward to ..working with all of you, what kind of introduction is this even ??

Anyway, please take care of me,
Kasumi

 

[Necrojojo]

Hey everyone! Addie here. I'm 21, and...... bored with life. I'm semi-successful, from a south Asian country, proud-ish parents, and on a trajectory toward the USA. I wanna be a writer but also a physicist, and I'll probably become both. I am trans mtf pre everything cuz my country absolutely sucks ass and my family is mega conservative (guess why I wanna go to Cali haha). I have friends but still feel lonely, I do work but am hardly ever satisfied. My grades are alright I guess. I am addicted to smoking and I absolutely fucking hate myself for it. I have never found love in my life and who the fuck knows if I ever will.

Anyway enough about me how are y'all doing this fine evening?

 

[Kasumi]

So yeah, that's me. Pleasure meeting you all, wish it was the same the other way around but as I've gone over; I'm kind of a mess ^^;

It's a pleasure!
I liked reading your introduction, you got your priorities straight ^^

 

[ermurazor]

Hello there.
You can call me ermu :-)
I like anime, videogames, sleeping and ramen!

Im suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts due to some trauma in my past. Came here to talk without being judged.

 

[Next-to-Nil]

It's a pleasure!
I liked reading your introduction, you got your priorities straight ^^

The pleasure is mutual, Kasumi! Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy it here!

 

[MakeUsername=hard]

Hi everyone,
I chose a new name here that's not related to my other socials, so you may call me Kasumi ~
If you are curious, Kasumi is from a Manga known as "Futaribeya" or "A Room For Two", it's one of my very favourite stories.

To be honest I'm pretty surprised, I didn't have any expectations coming here, but after reading for a while I felt like it would be a waste not to talk to everyone here.
Although I'm sure there are some rude people to be found like anywhere if you just search enough, the people here seem to be really kind and I would say generally more thoughtful than on your average social platform.
Rather than thoughtlessly posting rude comments, cringeworthy quotes or starting a fight because they interpret any different opinion as personal attack against themselves,
from what I read so far, people here are aware that people are different and have different opinions, and they can accept it and still respect each other regardless.

Oh right, I guess this is supposed to be a self introduction.. though there is not that much to say about myself.
I don't want to CTB yet (and not at all if it's avoidable like probably anybody else too), but I want to be prepared for the worst.
To be honest I don't think my chances are great that things will still work out, and I generally feel like hope is a curse, rather than anything positive.
It has made me go on, hoping that it might get better some day, but I just wish I did CTB already years ago.
Nevertheless, I have one last chance before my time is finally running out so I'll be hoping for the best and preparing for the worst :)

I'm looking forward to ..working with all of you, what kind of introduction is this even ??

Anyway, please take care of me,
Kasumi

Hello Kasumi!

You seem like a fun person. I was gonna say, I started reading manga a few days ago for the first time in years, (I usually watch anime instead), and I just made a list for manga to read and put Futaribeya a room for 2 at the top. I'll let ya know if I like it, though I'mma finish a manga called My Little Monster first.

I agree this place is really great and accepting, and I hope things turn out well for you in the future!

Hi. 23F from central Europe. Have been lurking for a little while, decided to finally make an account, so many people here with similar feelings, understanding each other, I feel like that is what I need. I am tired of hearing the same thing from the people in my environment whenever depression/suicide is brought up, I want to be able to talk to people that truly understand it from my perspective as well. Maybe make some new friends, not that I have many to begin with. DMs are always open, happy to chat.
Not the best introduction, I know, but I'm not even sure yet how much I want to share like this anyway. I hope some of you will understand.

May the next life be better
- J / Amakishiyo

Aaaahhhh I was gonna make a dm! I was like "this person won't be annoyed if I dm them cuz they said they're open for dms." Then SS said "you may not start a conversation with the following recipients: Amakishiyo."

I think it's a thing in settings? I think I turned it off on my account though idk

 

[une vie grotesque]

hi!!!
i'm nero (alias) and i'm a trans dude (he/him) from brazil. i'm very into emo and skramz music, i love learning new things, reading other people's stories, watching edgy movies and reading angsty manga. i'm an anarchist, an artist and sometimes do tattoos.

i'm essentially a neet and have been for many years now. i have chronic pains, arfid, very bad anxiety and bpd (and have high suspicion of being autistic). the first instance i can remember of feeling suicidal is when i was 8. shit sucks.

came here to find like-minded people and speak freely about my feelings and what's happening without the fear of ostracization, hope i can find a safe space here (´･ᴗ･ ` )

 

[semicide]

Hey there. Just a musician trying to fill the void ever felt since forever. I can be a comedian in person but I guess no one really knows me that much. I always felt depressed since a kid and managed to live through many years while trying to cheer people up since I dont want anyone to feel as empty as me. Um dont have any more things to say I guess..

 

[MaeMae]

Hello, my name is Mae and I am 19 years old. My life isn't that interesting outside the fact I am adopted. My childhood was pretty standard.

From what I remember I've always felt a sense of alienation from the people around me, hard trusting people. Feels like most people are controlled like a hive mind by an outer force. So when I do find someone I actually kind of trust I've tended to worship them. Anyways, this compulsive worshipping has always led me to considering suicide, attempted once because I feel like if the people I love don't love me back, then there's no definite proof that the hive mind isn't real. I try to think logically but this feeling won't disappear.

I've self harmed, had unsafe and risky sex with strangers to feel loved and real for once, I'm extremely bad with money and can't keep up with school and barley my job. I am diagnosed with EUPD, and even if I go to therapy it hasn't helped a bit and I am increasingly feeling more hopeless. My emotions won't disappear and it feels like I am being constantly watched by the skies from the outer force, like my thoughts keep leaking out of my head and that people of the hive mind only want to hurt me, even my therapist.

I have always believed that I would never live past the age of 25, I still struggle with it now. I hope that one day my feelings and thoughts cease to exist.

 

[themisbelow]

Hi everyone. My name is Themis and I'm a uni senior studying political studies in the US. I'm super passionate about my major and love it dearly as well as the people in my life. Regardless of that, I am bipolar 1 and struggle with severe and extreme mood-shifting that frequently turns these feelings on top their head. I used to have severe issues with suicidal ideation up until the age of 18, but I was abused in ways I do not care to describe publicly by an ex of mine who is a well-known internet personality. Ever since then, I've felt a deep repulsion toward the idea of dying, as they desperately have tried to silence me for years despite having little intention to even go public with what happened to me. It feels like if I die, they would win and get to pretend the years of abuse never happened.

Regardless, I'm here now. Things have changed a bit, and I just exited a two-year relationship. My life is pretty much a mess, and I shift through emotions faster than I go through soda. I just am looking for some form of camaraderie in these types of feelings. Even to my best friend, who I love dearly (and am crushing on a bit, unfortunately) I just can't discuss stuff like this with. They would immediately call someone on me and I could understand why because they care about me deeply, but I think most people here know why they want to deal with the medical system. It's nice to meet you all :)

 

[endofsirens]

Hi, I'm here because. well. its pretty obvious isnt it.

its just finally a place to talk about feelings and ideas that i cant discuss with others, especially irl. im thankful i found it/ that it exists.
im 20 and female . i wouldnt mind making friends that also share the same ideas or feelings as me and are of similar age . it gets pretty lonely out there.

if youd ever like to talk, send me a message or something ? (still new to figuring out the site tho tbh not quite sure how everything works yet ).

also you can just call me Siren :)

 

[Sulyya]

Just having the option to post in a place like this on a tough day will be helpful. Hello to everyone and thank you to the founders and people keeping it running.

 

[Noisemaker]

Yo, 20
I like games, cleaning, music, collecting information about obscure media and diving into dumb rabbit holes.

 

[thevaccumguy]

Late introduction, but here we go.
Y'all can call me Ash, a nickname very few people use nowadays. I'm 19, in uni, and I do a variety of things to keep myself occupied. My main activities at this point include martial arts, reading and swimming. I occasionally play piano, except I'm sure I suck xD. I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember, eventually leading to severe anger issues, probably one of the reasons I'm all by myself. It has frankly given me a huge portion of time and other resources to spend solely after myself, and I'd like to think the issues themselves are at bay for now. I've had busy parents all my life. Yes, they probably do love me, but for me they may as well be strangers.
I've been called cold and apathetic all my life. I know for a fact that people I regularly interact with for various reasons call be arrogant behind my back. I never have intentionally behaved in these ways, but I do think I'm a bit logical, so yeah.
I'm here mainly, again, because I'm as friendless as it gets. I like to talk about stuff that makes you think, but also a fan of small talk, just not good at it myself. This forum has to be one of the most accepting forums I've been to, and I just love it.
About ctb, I indeed feel that a final rest would be great, but ig it's my daily routine that gets me going. So I just want to stay prepared for the one bad day that'll push me over the ledge. Or so I think. A deep solitude is eating me apart all my waking hours, and I just have no clue how long I can keep going. That's kinda it.

Nice to meet you guys!!!!!!

 

[gravesfrommiami]

Hey there, you can call me Graves. 19M I like cars, anime and also drawing. I havent really had any suicidal tendencies lately but i do have a pretty good history of self harm and many attempted suicides (which all have failed) ive been lurking here on SS for a good month or two and finally decided to make an account. I use to have anxiety pretty bad along with depression and other things i dont really have any of those now though, figured i was pretty numb to all the stuff ive been trough. I would also love to make friends here so feel free to DM me anytime you'd like!



Nice meeting you all!

 

[Panders123]

Hi! Not much can be known about me but,

I'm a musician and also was a former YouTuber :>
I can draw, do photography and more. I'm usually alone when I go out but it's a sad reality of not having any irl friends. I wished I had friends but I was bullied for being who I was.

I'm also an Aquarius!

Hopefully I would know someone that have similar life with me in here.

I also play variety of games such as:
osu!, Genshin, Valorant, Stardew Valley, and more!

DM me if you interested in playing those with me so I can feel like I have friends. :)

Oh you can call me Panda!

 

[cinnabarcrystals]

Hello hello i am a did system that deals with heavy mental and physical health problems and an interest in horror media and videogames.
I am a young adult and depending on if I make it that far I plan to go to college to become a mortician once I move out of state. So that's cool.

 

[Izumi_81]

Hey
I'm Izumi
I'm a very instable tic tac bomb lmfao
I have no hope in life
I like watch anime, listen to music, play some games and that's it

 

[-----]

Hi! I like math, theoretical computer science, competitive programming and some videogames. I don't really do anything interesting, I spend all my day studying/playing videogames/watching others play videogames. Despite my love for knowledge, I actually despise university and it's a big part of the reason why I want off this planet. It's either work work work or attend boring classes all day long, I want neither. The only thing keeping me alive is my parents and I don't like life in general, even when talking about it outside of the society humans have created. I wish I was never born and no amount of therapy can make me change my mind about this. While I wait for my parents to die, I try to entertain myself with mathematics, learning new math concepts is interesting enough. I belive that finding love is the only thing that can change my mind about CBT but I doubt that'll happen any time.

 

[tomoki]

Hello everyone, I am a 22 year old European boy who is studying medicine. I am still thinking about my CTB which will probably take place at the end of 2023. If among you there are questions about human physiology or the world of drug function do not hesitate to ask me :)

 

[cryye]

hey! nice to meet you. some stuff about me: i'm mexican. i'm bigender (she/he pronouns). i'm a christian, even though i don't believe in the afterlife (at least not for myself) and i probably sin all the time. i'm unfathomably terrified of the future, i can't decide whether i hate or love my family and the only good thing in my life are blue gummy sharks (also coke-flavored gummies). still working on gathering enough courage to ctb, wish me luck. dm me if you wanna be friends in the meantime. :)

 

[incorporationated]

Hey! I'm Incorporationated (You can call me Inco or Corp).
I like to write for fun (albeit admittedly I suck)
I draw.
I love reading books.
I mostly spend my time doing IRL stuff, watching YouTube, on Discord, or scrolling/chatting on SaSu
I'm pretty much good with anything, oh and my fav band is Chevelle. I mostly listen to rock/heavy rock :)
can't wait to meet all of y'all!

 

[Traumagotchi]

Hi, I'm trauma(trauma is just short for traumagotchi it's just what people call me)

I'm 18, almost 19, and I've littered and cluttered my life with so many lies and garbage that I don't think I'll be able to clean it all up by the time I'm gone.

I'm an artist, I love drawing, and laying video games like Friday night funkin. I also do nssh.

Not sure how I want life to go, if i even want to keep living at this point.

But yeah, anyways, hi

 

[AngelicPsychedelic]

Heyy, I'm new here!
My name is Rosalie and I'm from Europe! I'm a cutter and my life is going downhill. I love drawing, video games (walking dead,sallyface,omori,okami,etc.), music (mcr,ptv,tdg,etc.) and cats (I also own one)! I find a lot of comfort in reading this forum, since I don't know a lot of people irl who share similar toughts/feelings with me.

 

[Krobo]

Hello! I'm a guy in my early 30's. I've had chronic issues such as epilepsy, joint problems, and immune problems that have had an impact on my life options, so I've made plans for a while but never got around to executing them. Things have gone downhill farther and more quickly than I'd hoped over the past couple of years, so I figure now could be a good time to stop putting dying off and chug some poison already.

In terms of my interests, audiophilia might be the big one. It's me, I'm the weirdo who writes diatribes on the Internet calling people's favorite earbuds a crime against music using fake-sounding opaque jargon like BA timbre. The worsening neck pain preventing me from wearing my headphones anymore hasn't been the best for my mood, of course.

 

[Brainslushy]

I play guitar. I like to make music. (at least attempt to) I also like cycling.

I wish I could mention more interests but most of the things I once obssessed about are in the past. Been burnt out on life for quite a long time now. Since my mid teens. I try not to dwell.

I never properly learned how to socialize and communicate. Messed up my relationship and only friendship I had as a result.

 

[usaonly]

Hello there.
You can call me ermu :-)
I like anime, videogames, sleeping and ramen!

Im suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts due to some trauma in my past. Came here to talk without being judged.

I def came here to talk without being judged.

Hello, my name is Mae and I am 19 years old. My life isn't that interesting outside the fact I am adopted. My childhood was pretty standard.

From what I remember I've always felt a sense of alienation from the people around me, hard trusting people. Feels like most people are controlled like a hive mind by an outer force. So when I do find someone I actually kind of trust I've tended to worship them. Anyways, this compulsive worshipping has always led me to considering suicide, attempted once because I feel like if the people I love don't love me back, then there's no definite proof that the hive mind isn't real. I try to think logically but this feeling won't disappear.

I've self harmed, had unsafe and risky sex with strangers to feel loved and real for once, I'm extremely bad with money and can't keep up with school and barley my job. I am diagnosed with EUPD, and even if I go to therapy it hasn't helped a bit and I am increasingly feeling more hopeless. My emotions won't disappear and it feels like I am being constantly watched by the skies from the outer force, like my thoughts keep leaking out of my head and that people of the hive mind only want to hurt me, even my therapist.

I have always believed that I would never live past the age of 25, I still struggle with it now. I hope that one day my feelings and thoughts cease to exist.

Yes! This post is a big reason I joined here. I use sex and porn as a way to escape. I can get my mind off things (anxiety, depression) while having or planning sex. I'm an older guy btw. So new that I don't know if I have a profile here.

Wow approval is fast here. Though that might just be because I picked the right time to join. This forum does better than a lot of other places.

I'm getting side-tracked... Hello everyone; I'm Lex. I'm in my twenties, and I'm from Canada. Sorry if the age thing is vague; I don't like giving the exact number, I've been thinking about it for a while and every year feels like another "proof that I'm a coward who keeps putting it off", you know? I'm dreading having to change that to "my thirties" eventually. Ugh.

Anyway, I was looking up stuff relating to CTB just this morning (am I the only one who thinks of CBT when looking at that acronym? Whatever, not important, don't look up that acronym unless you're into that kind of stuff.) and I stumbled upon the Tantacrul video who melodramas into misrepresenting the community. I got curious and decided to check out the website - he doesn't exactly make it hard - which helped me find RainandSadness' response to it, and reading that made me decide to join. Give it an hour or so and I'm here and ready to post, so here's my first post.

So yeah, I was a writer for some years now - well, I still am, but my editor just went to jail for scamming a bunch of his writers and that explains why my renumerations were so low (I like to lie to myself like that to pretend my writing is more successful than it is) - so now I need to find a new agent to get a new editor and that's assuming I can finish the manuscript I've been staring dead-eyed at for the past three years because the whole 3 year ick killed all my creativity. During those three years, my office for my other job had a massive lay-off which unfortunately included myself who made the stupid mistake of optimizing one of our core tasks, thus nearly halving the amount of time and manpower needed to complete our work. (Yeah, I pat myself on the back a lot, it helps me pretend I'm doing more than wasting my time with life, please bare with me.)

So now where am I? I'm an unemployed failed writer who's been living off employment insurance and student loans between classes for about 12 weeks. It's not like I'm not looking for another job - in fact, that's the bulk of my day and I'm currently multi-tasking that (I've applied for 3 gigs in between typing up this post) and gorging on energy drinks because I get nervous when I can't hear my own heartbeat - but nothing is hiring contrary to advertisements. Well, nothing that pays more than minimum wage which would actually be less lucrative than just continuing to go off the insurance because the system is as broken as anything else. The worst part is this is my second semester off of school so I can earn enough to continue my education and not come out of it with over 100k in debt.

I thought of doing something more self-destructive with my life like something illegal such as pushing drugs, but the risks entailed are just more stress inducing nonsense and stress is why I'm in the situation where I felt the need to join this site in the first place. I thought of being a stripper or something too, but based on the pole classes I took during my first year that's just unnecessarily exhausting and makes muscles grow places I would rather not have them; just because I wanna CTB doesn't mean I can't leave a pretty corpse, right?

So yeah, unemployed, uncreative, depressed as all shit, and just looking for people who get it and aren't trying to put me in a room or tell me off from what I'm thinking might actually be the solution to the problem at this point.

Sorry, this got wordy as all shyte so I'll skip the stuff about my family and waning friend circle. Just "insert shit about daddy and mommy issues here and assume I'm an almost friendless loser" okay? okay.

So yeah, that's me. Pleasure meeting you all, wish it was the same the other way around but as I've gone over; I'm kind of a mess ^^;

Ha! I never messed up CTB until I saw this post. You're clever.