I've been going through non-stop emotional rollercoaster and I want it all to end. I struggle being able to accurately describe what I'm feeling and going through. I've always wanted change from the horrible person I was in the past. I've destroyed everything concerning my life and I don't think I can put anything back together or to even move on.
I sleep around 5 or 6 hours and then I'm awake for days because I'm afraid of my dreams and also that horrible feeling that come with waking up.
I've lost everything in my life and I wouldn't know where to begin repairing myself. But what's even more fucked up is that I just don't care about myself anymore.
There's no recovery and there is no release until I pass...Yesterday I took 100 pills of diphenhydramine, 5,000 milligrams and I still woke up. I'm sick of disappointing everyone. Nothing brings me any joy or contentment. There is no recovery, there is no hope and definitely no peace of mind.
I really wish someone would have just a sliver of decency and help me die.
This is what I need help with, there is no reason for me at this point to keep trying to make things better.
I can't live, I can't die by my own hands... I need help, but these feelings of loneliness and despair tell me that there's nothing to recover to.
I'm taking up someone else's space and breathing air that someone else deserves more than myself.
I am such a fuck up and failure, my opportunities were used up a long time ago. My ambition and empathy are dead.
Whomever decided to read this, please share resources to find SN in the USA, or just send me an envelope coated in Fentanyl or and that definitely would do it. I'm not afraid to do the deed anymore, but my concern is that I lack resources to find the real thing and I wouldn't know where to look.
I'm not sure why I'm even putting this out here to be read, I don't need or want sympathy or someone to placate me with the SaSu "I hope you find the peace you're looking for" line.
That statement is so fucking cliche and overused.
Like, If you're going to respond to this post, please don't say that. But if you have any insight on what you believe would help, then by all means say something to me.
But I think today I will attempt again if I get my hands on something that will work.
I apologize for the rant, but I literally have no one in my life and I'm not sure why I keep trying.
I would love to have a friend just to talk with me when I have my supplies and I go find a decent place away from everyone to ctb... Although I realize how unrealistic that idea is, it would still be nice.
Okay I'm done with my head rant...
Please, before respond to anything here, please don't give condolences to me, just say something from the heart or wherever. I'm not looking for pity or sympathy.
J
I sleep around 5 or 6 hours and then I'm awake for days because I'm afraid of my dreams and also that horrible feeling that come with waking up.
I've lost everything in my life and I wouldn't know where to begin repairing myself. But what's even more fucked up is that I just don't care about myself anymore.
There's no recovery and there is no release until I pass...Yesterday I took 100 pills of diphenhydramine, 5,000 milligrams and I still woke up. I'm sick of disappointing everyone. Nothing brings me any joy or contentment. There is no recovery, there is no hope and definitely no peace of mind.
I really wish someone would have just a sliver of decency and help me die.
This is what I need help with, there is no reason for me at this point to keep trying to make things better.
I can't live, I can't die by my own hands... I need help, but these feelings of loneliness and despair tell me that there's nothing to recover to.
I'm taking up someone else's space and breathing air that someone else deserves more than myself.
I am such a fuck up and failure, my opportunities were used up a long time ago. My ambition and empathy are dead.
Whomever decided to read this, please share resources to find SN in the USA, or just send me an envelope coated in Fentanyl or and that definitely would do it. I'm not afraid to do the deed anymore, but my concern is that I lack resources to find the real thing and I wouldn't know where to look.
I'm not sure why I'm even putting this out here to be read, I don't need or want sympathy or someone to placate me with the SaSu "I hope you find the peace you're looking for" line.
That statement is so fucking cliche and overused.
Like, If you're going to respond to this post, please don't say that. But if you have any insight on what you believe would help, then by all means say something to me.
But I think today I will attempt again if I get my hands on something that will work.
I apologize for the rant, but I literally have no one in my life and I'm not sure why I keep trying.
I would love to have a friend just to talk with me when I have my supplies and I go find a decent place away from everyone to ctb... Although I realize how unrealistic that idea is, it would still be nice.
Okay I'm done with my head rant...
Please, before respond to anything here, please don't give condolences to me, just say something from the heart or wherever. I'm not looking for pity or sympathy.
J
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