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how are you? really?
Thread startersorrytosay
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the worst i've been, i think - or at least closest to ctb. i've done the most research into methods i've ever done and feel sort of numb. apathetic. i still want to get better. i want to try, anyway. i'm just exhausted.
I wanna say I'm stressed but that's not really the case... it's hard to explain, like I got a lot of things in my mind but at the same time they're not affecting me in a negative way.
I feel great right now due to having started taking wellbutrin and pregabalin but I'm pretty sure it's temporary hypomania episode.
very anxious about when it goes away at same time.
i dont feel great at all! bpd is so fcking hard to deal with especially when you bottle it up because thats what i'm used to !!! i feel like my heads gonna explode, i genuinely can't do this anymore, i want to end it all but i can't
Ironically, I am doing great now. But that is mostly because I got my Nembutal and can take it anytime I want right now. Legally got it. Yeah I have a fatal disease. Funny really, I mean I attempted ctb 4 times one successfully but brought back via shocks to chest restart heart. But the last time was few years ago. Because I got sick. Rest is history. No cure and I am going to die anyway. So jokes on me huh? But I am ready and will go when I want. Wish you all the Peace you deserve either in this world or the next. Peace.
I'm feeling a bit better due to slights changes in my situation. But not entirely, far from it. I still keep my method materials close by because I can't trust future anymore and my mental illnesses are still around.
I guess I'm alright. A lot better then a few years ago. Back then I was pretty much a NEET, in between passively and actively suicidial, and addicted to social media and binge eating.
A lot of it has gone away now that I'm working, but nowadays I feel numb. Not depressed but not happy. The only actual emotions I feel is the dopamine rush from a videogame score or emotional overwhelm. Basically in a mental stasis living a daily life like a robot. But I'm alive I guess?
Went and got my monthly bottles of opioids, so the darn pain is down. Just started using Lyrica with the opioids and everything is working according to plan and driving the chronic pain way down.
I just wish I could get away from the 5needles in my spine every 3 moths with no anesthesia, as the pain of the procedure is usually really bad.
I'm annoyed with myself. My ADHD isn't helping. I want to pass this semester but one of my classes needs me to login to a third party service and I can't login. I can't do homework, I can't do assignments. It's pissing me off greatly because this should be piss easy.
Went and got my monthly bottles of opioids, so the darn pain is down. Just started using Lyrica with the opioids and everything is working according to plan and driving the chronic pain way down.
I just wish I could get away from the 5needles in my spine every 3 moths with no anesthesia, as the pain of the procedure is usually really bad.
I'm annoyed with myself. My ADHD isn't helping. I want to pass this semester but one of my classes needs me to login to a third party service and I can't login. I can't do homework, I can't do assignments. It's pissing me off greatly because this should be piss easy.
I'm glad the pain meds and Lyrica are helping out Walter. I'm glad to see ya.
I'm not doing too well. I distract myself where I can, via any means possible. Every few hours a sense of realisation, dread and hatred of myself kicks in. It has been like this for a few years now and I'm tired.i
I'm not doing too well. I distract myself where I can, via any means possible. Every few hours a sense of realisation, dread and hatred of myself kicks in. It has been like this for a few years now and I'm tired.
If it weren't for my dogs, my Internet friends and the notion of what gossip my bitch ass neighbors would spread about me, I would've killed myself by now. Hooray for being stuck on this bitch of an earth with my own fucked up thoughts to keep me miserable
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