• Hey Guest,

    We wanted to share a quick update with the community.

    Our public expense ledger is now live, allowing anyone to see how donations are used to support the ongoing operation of the site.

    👉 View the ledger here

    Over the past year, increased regulatory pressure in multiple regions like UK OFCOM and Australia's eSafety has led to higher operational costs, including infrastructure, security, and the need to work with more specialized service providers to keep the site online and stable.

    If you value the community and would like to help support its continued operation, donations are greatly appreciated. If you wish to donate via Bank Transfer or other options, please open a ticket.

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC):
    Ethereum (ETH):
    Monero (XMR):
whiteclaudia

whiteclaudia

cute + well adjusted
Mar 23, 2024
41
the worst i've been, i think - or at least closest to ctb. i've done the most research into methods i've ever done and feel sort of numb. apathetic. i still want to get better. i want to try, anyway. i'm just exhausted.
 
sserafim

sserafim

they say it's darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
9,013
I'm bored out of my mind
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Suicidebydeath
U

Unknown User

Mar 3, 2024
178
stressed, rly stressed. My cortisol levels are rly high.
 
JKFleck

JKFleck

Betrayed by my only friend, nothing left to lose
Oct 1, 2023
211
In infinite pain from getting abandoned by my friend
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Unknown User
trashprincess

trashprincess

She/Slur
Aug 8, 2023
186
It feels like God is telling me to kill myself. Like I have to, and nothing will ever change that. I don't think I'm going to make it...
 
NullSz00

NullSz00

Full-Swing Sayonara
Feb 22, 2024
217
I wanna say I'm stressed but that's not really the case... it's hard to explain, like I got a lot of things in my mind but at the same time they're not affecting me in a negative way.

I think I just got used to it...
 
bieatmania

bieatmania

早く殺してくれ。
Dec 22, 2023
87
I feel great right now due to having started taking wellbutrin and pregabalin but I'm pretty sure it's temporary hypomania episode.
very anxious about when it goes away at same time.
 
landmine

landmine

lovesickness
Mar 12, 2023
108
i dont feel great at all! bpd is so fcking hard to deal with especially when you bottle it up because thats what i'm used to !!! i feel like my heads gonna explode, i genuinely can't do this anymore, i want to end it all but i can't
 
R

RW__Asher23

Experienced
Dec 11, 2022
206
Ironically, I am doing great now. But that is mostly because I got my Nembutal and can take it anytime I want right now. Legally got it. Yeah I have a fatal disease. Funny really, I mean I attempted ctb 4 times one successfully but brought back via shocks to chest restart heart. But the last time was few years ago. Because I got sick. Rest is history. No cure and I am going to die anyway. So jokes on me huh? But I am ready and will go when I want. Wish you all the Peace you deserve either in this world or the next. Peace.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: rotciv
penguinl0v3s

penguinl0v3s

Wait for Me 💙
Nov 1, 2023
967
I don't think I can feel bear to feel sad again. If I were to live it has to be easy from here on out. I've been challenged one too many times.
 
E

Endofit

Get me out of here
Jan 19, 2024
69
I'm feeling a bit better due to slights changes in my situation. But not entirely, far from it. I still keep my method materials close by because I can't trust future anymore and my mental illnesses are still around.
 
Malaria

Malaria

If I can't be my own, I'd feel better dead
Feb 24, 2024
1,084
I feel isolated and alien from everyone else
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Suicidebydeath and Mirrory Me
Promised Heaven

Promised Heaven

Eternally atoning
Feb 1, 2024
735
I guess I'm alright. A lot better then a few years ago. Back then I was pretty much a NEET, in between passively and actively suicidial, and addicted to social media and binge eating.

A lot of it has gone away now that I'm working, but nowadays I feel numb. Not depressed but not happy. The only actual emotions I feel is the dopamine rush from a videogame score or emotional overwhelm. Basically in a mental stasis living a daily life like a robot. But I'm alive I guess?
 
Last edited:
W

whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,760
Went and got my monthly bottles of opioids, so the darn pain is down. Just started using Lyrica with the opioids and everything is working according to plan and driving the chronic pain way down.

I just wish I could get away from the 5needles in my spine every 3 moths with no anesthesia, as the pain of the procedure is usually really bad.

Walter
 
  • Love
  • Hugs
Reactions: LoiteringClouds and Pallf
P

Pallf

I'm tired
May 27, 2018
373
I'm annoyed with myself. My ADHD isn't helping. I want to pass this semester but one of my classes needs me to login to a third party service and I can't login. I can't do homework, I can't do assignments. It's pissing me off greatly because this should be piss easy.
Went and got my monthly bottles of opioids, so the darn pain is down. Just started using Lyrica with the opioids and everything is working according to plan and driving the chronic pain way down.

I just wish I could get away from the 5needles in my spine every 3 moths with no anesthesia, as the pain of the procedure is usually really bad.

Walter
I'm glad the pain meds and Lyrica are helping out Walter. I'm glad to see ya.

Pallf
 
  • Love
Reactions: whywere
W

whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,760
I'm annoyed with myself. My ADHD isn't helping. I want to pass this semester but one of my classes needs me to login to a third party service and I can't login. I can't do homework, I can't do assignments. It's pissing me off greatly because this should be piss easy.

I'm glad the pain meds and Lyrica are helping out Walter. I'm glad to see ya.

Pallf
Thank you so much!

I also am glad to see you here.

You are a smart soul, and you will do great. You are a lot smarter than me.

Walter
 
  • Like
Reactions: LoiteringClouds
errorsinmypast

errorsinmypast

I see only one escape
Apr 3, 2024
73
I'm not doing too well. I distract myself where I can, via any means possible. Every few hours a sense of realisation, dread and hatred of myself kicks in. It has been like this for a few years now and I'm tired.i

I'm not doing too well. I distract myself where I can, via any means possible. Every few hours a sense of realisation, dread and hatred of myself kicks in. It has been like this for a few years now and I'm tired.
I feel like this too, it's bloody awful. Those distracted moments are amazing but the crash is horrific
 
Myforevercharlie

Myforevercharlie

Guilt and Regret
Feb 13, 2020
3,233
Not too bad
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: whywere
N33dT0D13

N33dT0D13

Xe/It
Apr 2, 2023
365
If it weren't for my dogs, my Internet friends and the notion of what gossip my bitch ass neighbors would spread about me, I would've killed myself by now. Hooray for being stuck on this bitch of an earth with my own fucked up thoughts to keep me miserable 🥳
 

Similar threads

usernamegoeshere
Replies
18
Views
292
Recovery
NormallyNeurotic
NormallyNeurotic
nocatwaslost
Replies
1
Views
137
Recovery
violetforever
violetforever
ElTopo
Replies
0
Views
57
Recovery
ElTopo
ElTopo
Nonno_Eek
Replies
2
Views
118
Recovery
Alpacachino
Alpacachino
boredandoverboard
Replies
2
Views
152
Recovery
ScaredCutter
ScaredCutter