Venting Drowning in this shit again

[Bagger]

My girl leave my place today. For good. Having her with me was my major pillar of sanity, only one to be honest. Dealing with more than decade long depression, anxiety and few phobias drained me to the core. I was a shell, she makes me to believe again, to go for help, take new meds. Now she is gone. My life is becoming a dark empty place... again... after 4 years of very slow recovery... Feels like I'm drowning, suicidal thoughts coming back again... And the worst thing is that i'm in short of my meds... I'm so fucking scared of coming week

 

[Letmego. Please]

Hey Bagger, i understand how it feels when someone you have relied upon for your own safety & sanity ups & walks out, and the massive hole it leaves behind. So here if you wanna chat, otherwise ((hugs)) from a person who has been through the same 10yrs ago.

 

[Bagger]

Thanks for kind words @Letmego. Please but only thing now that will keep me on the surface is my meds, and i have them only for few days. Seems like i must make it to 20 august somehow. But its so hard when every stuff you encounter reminds you what just happened. Need some venting, but no forests in my area to go and scream it off...

 

[Letmego. Please]

Hey @Bagger,
So sorry, had a tough day & didn't get on here to reply to you when i should have done.

Is there anyway you can get more of the meds you need, unsure how doctors & pharmacies work in your part of europe, do you mean perhaps that you would need to see a Dr to get another script?

I know what you mean about the reminders, they are literally everywhere at first & every time you think you've had your heart broken for the last time, up pops another reminder and its broken all over again.
As you are lacking in forests, you are welcome to scream at my inbox anytime you need to ((Hugs))

 

[wanttodie.nz]

My girl leave my place today. For good. Having her with me was my major pillar of sanity, only one to be honest. Dealing with more than decade long depression, anxiety and few phobias drained me to the core. I was a shell, she makes me to believe again, to go for help, take new meds. Now she is gone. My life is becoming a dark empty place... again... after 4 years of very slow recovery... Feels like I'm drowning, suicidal thoughts coming back again... And the worst thing is that i'm in short of my meds... I'm so fucking scared of coming week

I know that only too well. The person who I could count on to be there for support and to be there at the end of the day decided that she didn't want to be with me anymore. I don't know what keeps me going each day but if it stops then I will plummet.

 

[Bagger]

Hey @Bagger,
So sorry, had a tough day & didn't get on here to reply to you when i should have done.

No prob, thanks for caring about it. Hope this day will be better for you than mine!

Is there anyway you can get more of the meds you need, unsure how doctors & pharmacies work in your part of europe, do you mean perhaps that you would need to see a Dr to get another script?

Yeah, i need to see my doc, who had no free schedule until august 20 :( No other way.

I know what you mean about the reminders, they are literally everywhere at first & every time you think you've had your heart broken for the last time, up pops another reminder and its broken all over again.
As you are lacking in forests, you are welcome to scream at my inbox anytime you need to ((Hugs))

Shit is hard now, half my room is empty space. She takes every stuff she had here. Left only pair of house shoes in case she will hang out with me here someday. Fucking terrible dark empty place. You know what, maybe i will scream it off there, thanks.

I know that only too well. The person who I could count on to be there for support and to be there at the end of the day decided that she didn't want to be with me anymore. I don't know what keeps me going each day but if it stops then I will plummet.

For now i lost my "motor", today is even worse, she promises that she call me and she don't. Ghosting my messages now. I'm freaking out and getting my hidden rope ready just in case i lost it and break apart. But i'm not there yet.

 

[Letmego. Please]

Will your doctor not understand that the appt will leave you without meds in-between & sort a script for you to cover this? Does he/she know about your breakup & the added distress that will be causing you? It would seem very wrong for a Dr knowingly leave you without needed meds at this time.

Scream away, its what we are here for. My ex moved out when i was sectioned in hospital so i came back to the same weird half a house. It took me a long time to realise that a person that is happy to do those things to someone they loved was honestly not worth dying over. If anything it might well make them happy.

The 'promises' of calling, the leaving a pair of slippers behind is just another way of playing with your head, almost trying to drive you to do something. That person is not worth it.

Take care.