I had a breakdown at senior prom (which I went alone to) and that caused some of my friends to drag her to me, which was pretty embarrassing all things considered. She said she didn't like me like that but that things were okay between us. I took that as closure at the time (2012) but I still ended up not talking to her much after that because I could tell she was still uncomfortable around me. It wasn't until around 2013 that I sort of moved on.
My high school is permanently fucked because I can't think about it without thinking about how obsessed with her I was the whole time and to make matters worse, her family donated money to the school and now there is a brick with her name on it there on the ground. As if it were a monument to my ineptitude and failure.
Thank you. I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you. It seems so familiar to me but it probably is so for millions. In my case there was bitterness and resentment for having to feel that way, but I think finally offloading everything directly to that person changed me fundamentally where I started to feel happy for them and not wanting them to be torn down. Who knows.
For a while after getting out of school I was happy it was over because I had done nothing but humiliate myself and hide away. Lately it's just unwanted happy memories that come to me and make me believe that it is close in time, perhaps next year, that I will live those days again.
I hope you can come to appreciate that brick. If not, then, at least it's on the ground and probably dirty.
I like to think that 'the best years of our life' aren't defined by an age range, but then they are obviously defined by our mental state, and nobody that has some posts in the forum has an enviable mental state so I guess you're right, these might have been your best years.
Oh they were. Aging sucks. I jumped up to hit a mosquito with my swatter and could only manage a hop, landed on my feet, lost my balance and fell. Gimme back my kid body.