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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,636
Feel kinda crappy. Managed to do a quick baby wipe bath earlier, went to a friend's house for a minute. Bought my mom some flowers because her birthday is coming up.

Just laying in bed, sore and tired. Have some cold coffee to sip on - I actually like coffee even if it's lukewarm though. I know, it's blasphemy lmao
Today has been kinda shite. I have a dentist appointment, and because of quarantine + being depressed I kinda just like only brushed my teeth a handful of times these past few months. So I'm kinda not looking forward to my dentist's disappointment. I also got woken up by my mom very early this morning to her swinging my door open (which has bells on it), yelling at me because it took her 20 minutes allegedly to find the lid to a container and how it's all my fault because the containers are out of order and that I should do more because I'm "22 (which I'm not) and useless," but I kinda just got tired of meticulously organizing and reorganizing them when these people tear through them like wild beasts and then don't put them back. She then slammed my door so hard it woke my sister up in the next room over. So yeah SMELLY day, but I do get to see my little brother today for the first time since quarantine started so I'm excited for that <33

I hope everyone's days are going well, and if they aren't that tomorrow will be better ^^
How did the dental appointment ago? Did you and your brother do something special together, or were you just hanging out? I'm glad you got to see him :)
 
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M

mediocre

trapped here
Nov 9, 2019
1,428
Feel like I've been beaten with a baseball bat.
 
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BPD Barbie

BPD Barbie

Visionary
Dec 1, 2019
2,362
Woke up to emails from debt collectors, still stuck in my shitty situation, just been playing Fortnite all day, at least the sun is also out after the bad weather we have had in the UK.
 
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Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,423
Disassociatedly :sunglasses:
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,921
Rain has stopped me going outside to continue work on the vacant plot. I spent all day in front of the PC drinking coffee then felt wired, sick and exhausted :shy:
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,299
It's the worst da of my life
 
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BehindTheWall

BehindTheWall

May 21th 2020
Aug 26, 2020
132
Boring as f*ck.
 
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Squiddy

Squiddy

Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
Sep 4, 2019
5,903
Today was an okay day for me. Ended up throwing up twice, but suicidal thoughts aren't any worse
 
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Reactions: Deleted member 4993, XYZ and Sinai Silence
Sinai Silence

Sinai Silence

I think I'ma die alone inside my room
Jul 6, 2020
812
Pretty sh*tty day, I just keep wondering why I never feel anything anymore, I feel so apathetic.
 
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Reactions: Deleted member 4993 and XYZ
Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,423
ANOTHER migraine (or the same one, going on the second week) :meh:

Someone please shoot me now.
 
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Reactions: Deleted member 4993, XYZ and Sinai Silence
puppy9

puppy9

au revoir
Jun 13, 2019
1,238
Contemplating Suicide. My family killed what is left in me yesterday. I wish I can exit and make them regret their action by writing a letter about the abuse they put me through. But I need to thread carefully because I do not want to botch my suicide.
 
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Reactions: Squiddy, Deleted member 1465, Deleted member 4993 and 4 others
XYZ

XYZ

I just can’t get these damn wrists to bleed
Jul 22, 2020
800
Stress, stress and more stress. Longing for death. Scared to ctb. Caught in a trap. I wanna get out of here!!!
 
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Reactions: Deleted member 4993, lucid, Deleted member 18655 and 1 other person
deadgirlahsatan

deadgirlahsatan

Specialist
Jun 5, 2020
374
Pain,stress,loneliness.it never ends. Wish i could sleep forever. ;-; :meh::mmm:
 
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Reactions: XYZ, Deleted member 4993, lucid and 1 other person
Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,423
It's like a roller coaster today. Emotions and thoughts all over the place. I don't like days like this.
 
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Viro_Major

Viro_Major

Rad maker
Jul 30, 2020
1,304
Spaced out, out of reach to my own self, with twisted guts ...all due to an AD switch decided on, not well tolerated.
End of the day, lonely, lacking some real presence, wishing some virtual figures could materialise themselves by my side. Fading to sleep at 9, not fighting exceptionally
 
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Reactions: deadgirlahsatan, XYZ, Deleted member 4993 and 1 other person
lucid

lucid

antinatalist specialist
Jun 29, 2019
177
Rather crappy at first but had some good news earlier on that I'm getting my new PC next week, got the serotonin pumping.
 
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Reactions: deadgirlahsatan, grungeCat, XYZ and 1 other person
K

kichikai

New Member
Aug 31, 2020
2
I just got a ticket for expired plate after returning from court haha. This is the fifth ticket I got for past 2 month.
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,921
Today I cleared out the surface drain in the back alley. I heaped all the weeds in a rubble tub and oiked it over the six foot fence to the field.
I forgot to hold on to the handle. :shy:
Now I will have to hack through twenty feet of undergrowth over council dumped rubbish to get to the damn thing.
What a plonker. :blarg:
 
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grungeCat

grungeCat

Awkward & weird
Jul 5, 2020
1,110
Spent the whole day in my room as always. However I feel a lot calmer since I decided to give up. I have just tested my cable I wanted to use to ctb and it seems I have to search for another ligature as some cracks showed up on the rubber isolation after pulling it down.
 
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Reactions: deadgirlahsatan and Deleted member 4993
Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,423
I was laying down all day, dizzy from PTSD. I took 3x the Cannabis i'm prescribed (can't remember the dose) and I think I was high for the first time. I'm not sure I like it. I was sobbing while I was half alseep, I couldn't make a complete thought and I couldn't keep any thought longer than a few seconds. I couldn't focus anything and I felt like I was somewhere else and had to orient myself a few times. But I slept for a few hours and the migraine is a little better.
 
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Reactions: deadgirlahsatan, Deleted member 4993, VIBRITANNIA and 1 other person
Amumu

Amumu

Ctb - temporary solution for a permanent problem
Aug 29, 2020
2,626
I've scheduled an appointment with a fuckfriend because being single simply kills me.
It's not love but it feels good to have some company
 
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Reactions: deadgirlahsatan, Deleted member 4993, VIBRITANNIA and 1 other person
Sinai Silence

Sinai Silence

I think I'ma die alone inside my room
Jul 6, 2020
812
Right now I'm being hit with the holy trinity of physical pain in my head pretty hard right now. If any of you guys know where I can find a guillotine please hmu.
 
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Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,423
A bit productive interspersed with bouts of sobbing. Good times. :meh:
 
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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,636
Today has actually been pretty good. I've been restless as hell, which has sucked... but I've been able to keep myself busy today. Kind of pissed at myself because I ended up continuing bad habits to deal with emotions but whatever. Honestly it's not that important.
 
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Squiddy

Squiddy

Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
Sep 4, 2019
5,903
Today was an okay day. My desire to ctb wasn't as strong, but was still kinda there
 
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Reactions: Deleted member 4993 and mahakaliSS_MahaDurga
W

Worthless_nobody

Enlightened
Feb 14, 2019
1,384
Pretty shitty
 
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Squiddy

Squiddy

Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
Sep 4, 2019
5,903
My day is going ok. Ctb thoughts aren't as bad as they could be. I guess my cocktail of meds are working because I've been taking them consistently :) I still have them though
 
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Reactions: GrumpyFrog
GrumpyFrog

GrumpyFrog

Exhausted
Aug 23, 2020
1,913
Thought it would be my last. It isn't. Feels weird, like I'm in limbo. +10 to faith in humanity because of this community, -10 to faith in humanity because of drunk assholes that kept me from CTB IRL. I want to pause life to rethink everything.
 
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