Discussion Describe how your day is going

[http-410]

Bad. I had nightmares, racing thoughts, a racing heart and not enough sleep. Because of the pain and exhaustion I spent most of the time just lying in bed. Could get myself up to walk around the block just before curfew. Nothing makes the pain go away. I'm done.

 

[Squiddy]

Day is going ok so far. Might look for colleges later

 

[Carrotcake]

My day is going "???????"

 

[TattiQueen]

well not to be too gross but i'm having explosive diarrhea, i haven't got the meds i need yet, and later i'm going for a covid vaccine, have to buy dog food.... so all in all not great

Sorry to hear! I hope your day turned around and that you're feeling much better!

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Figured out that I needed to increase my intensity when working out. It's tough to do that with heavy compound lifts as a beginner (grip fatigue on dl, avoiding pinning on bench). So I did reps until failure with the kettlebell shoulder press and chin-ups, should probably add more stuff that I can do until failure. Decided to buy and eat more real protein-rich food because real food beats shakes, still drinking shakes and taking a nutrient supplement of course.

Yesterday and the day before that some hot women at the gym seemed relatively interested in me (shaved really awful facial hair and got a haircut) which stabilized(s) my mood a bit (I could very well have some borderline traits or something along those lines). Obviously I can't try to make a move or anything since I have never done that (23, virgin) and I'm a NEET... and my penis is a bit bent out of shape from excessive fapping. So it's more like taking the compliment/superficial confirmation and then getting out of there I guess. Hope this happens more, but the more you want it to happen the less it does, at least in my case. I'm only attractive when I don't want anything from women, some kind of disheartening natural law.

Anyway, drank a bit of beer yesterday but spaced it out as to not get wasted. Empty calories, no hangover, managed to not get dehydrated (bad for recovery). I don't really have any strength or fitness goals so I can eat junk or drink once in a while. Don't think I've really improved much in terms of strength or physique since I began lifting, again this is most likely due to relying on volume rather than intensity. I am not very emotionally engaged in the gym, which needs to change. At least my form and tendon strength should have improved.

I have been getting better at accepting my situation. As I mentioned in one post when trying to help someone deal with negative emotions, you can hold your hand out and imagine placing all of your problems outside of a magical barrier. After you have correctly done this you will be able to see and focus on things that were invisible prior to bypassing the major unfixable attention-grabbers in your life. Using the same principle I try to kill the miniscule possibilities of certain things like romantic relationships, tolerable jobs and access to the sanctuary by after having correctly identified what makes them impossible, placing them outside of my day-to-day life. This opens up a big, peaceful void of mundane tasks and suicidal ideation; which is, of course, preferable to envy, inferiority, anger or sadness.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please give me a reaction for this one, buddy.

 

[Carrotcake]

So I have decided today, I'm getting hospitalized/admitted to the psych ward next week. In for three months.

 

[http-410]

Woke up too early despite taking a sleeping pill. Had a weird dream and heart palpilations. Was severely derealized due to lack of sleep.

In the afternoon I was lying in bed crying next to my cat. In the evening I had enough energy to go cycling. When I reached the horses and watched them and two little birds hopping around, I couldn't help but shed a few tears. It was almost sunset, the meadows were colored in golden sunlight and pollen was flying around.

It was idyllic, but not real.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Badly. I'm missing one person who I can't contact anymore (and it's good thing), that hurts. Normally I don't think him, but I saw dream where he was so... I'm hoping tomorrow I feel better.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Slept through 4 (!) alarms because my body refused to sleep less than 4 hours (which might be reasonable, but no body, we're not doing the healthy thing). Got up mad AF. Got even more mad because I am once again the one who has to buy food and booze for my roommate's guests and clean the place before their visit and he not only does absolutely nothing to help but can't even be arsed to give me a definite answer to a question of whether anyone is coming over or not. Cleaned up after my cat who got sick because my roommate left plastic that meat snacks were packaged in lying around again. Even though we talked about it multiple times already and he knows damn well our cat will eat it and jesus it's not that hard to put your trash into trash instead of just leaving it around, it takes like 30 seconds. Suppressed the urge to strangle him with a pillow in his sleep. Tried to clean, broke a plastic broom handle, cried uncontrollably, went for the whiskey bottle at 10:30 in the morning, gave up on cleaning and got on here.
Typical effing Saturday morning...

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Learned where all of the 195 countries are on a map, allowing for some small mistakes.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

More cardio today, tried to run a bit faster but lost a short bit of distance + had to take a short breather tbh. Thinking about the night-night method as of late, will probably go out and buy a ratchet strap soon, maybe cornhole bags as well later on if I can't improvise any padding.

 

[Celerity]

Usual weekend bullshit. With nothing important to occupy my thoughts, I simply suffer. Nothing I do really helps. I wish I could just sleep forever.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Same old day. Woke up early, went to work, pleaded with my ex to get together so we could talk about the huge fight we had recently and am not sure how she is feeling other than hurt. I don't know what to do.....

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Woke up hungover with a pulsing headache. Realized I somehow got my knees all covered in dirt when I was out yesterday (probably bad landing from climbing that fence, but I don't quite remember), had to put on my only other jeans even though they are in tatters. Tried to comb my hair, still a mess, put on eyeliner then forgot about it and rubbed my eye. Was too lazy to wash it off, so just rubbed the other eye for simmetry and decided I'll pretend that's an intentional smudgy look. Went for food, walked past a bunch of old ladies living nearby who started whispering as soon as I passed them. I know they "love" me. Wanted to get some fish and veggies, checked my balance, had no idea where all those money went. Booze, probably. Ended up getting instant mash potato, instant noodles and beer. Got a stink eye from the cashier, and then from the old ladies on my way home. Got some unsettling Facebook messages, went to the balcony to smoke and contemplate my questionable sexual history. Had a guy come over with some political poll, took much longer then I expected, because at first it took me a long time to explain that I basically disagree with both sides of the argument and don't support any of the political parties on the poll, and then it took me even longer to explain why I have no interest in marriage and having children because that came up. Spent the rest of the day at my computer, working. As usual, nothing went as planned so I spent the entire day convincing myself not to ditch everything and get drunk and yelling out colorful profanities. At one point smashed my fist against the wall and scraped my knuckes, then decided to play some hardcore really loud instead of being destructive.
I am trying to convince myself I'm not a complete mess - just a punk at heart.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Trying to get myself to eat some lunch before I go for a sleep, I am so tired today for some reason, my face feels all slack and numb.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I needed to buy some snacks today because my fat ass was getting anxious at running out so I drove to my gas station of choice only to find out they're closed for remodeling. I spent the next couple of hours driving around the city trying to find more gas stations which ended up with me going in and out of quite a few of them because they didn't have any decent sunflower seed flavors. I also stopped at Safeway to buy some chips. It wasn't all bad because I was by myself so while driving around I got to sing to my favorite Fire Emblem songs plus the last place I stopped at turned out to have Spicy Queso flavored sunflower seeds which happens to be my second favorite flavor from the brand. All in all, I ended up with four bags of chips, 7 bags of sunflower seeds, and 4 soft drinks. Hopefully this will be enough to last me the week.

Lately I've been binging Batman: The Brave and the Bold. This is my second time watching the series all the way through. Such a great show. It often feels like I'm browsing Wikipedia for Silver and Golden Age DC comics lore. Today I happened upon my favorite episode which is the one that prominently features The Flash. Speaking of The Flash, it's a shame the CW show is back on hiatus for now. I know the quality has declined severely and I don't take it very seriously at all anymore but I still have fun watching it to this day...

 

[Rn110bg101]

Today is the first year I spend 4/27 alone since 2016. I never thought I would again, either I'd have friends to celebrate with or I'd be dead.
Well.. I have neither, though I wish I did.

It's dumb, because it's a day that's only important in a fandom, not even anything important like a birthday—and yet... it feels like it to me. I've known it for so long, I've learned English alongside playing it, all my friends were fans of it… I remember waking up everyday to talk on the Discord, I'd spend so much time with them that I didn't even have time for anything else—and I didn't even care.

... now, well... everyone hates me, even the devs of the thing. i was so worried about interacting with them, like any wrong word would just make me want to disappear, and when i finally started feeling safer... it was all taken away.

I can't even say it wasn't my fault. I thought if I disassociated myself from who I was, it wouldn't follow me, but I didn't even realize that it wasn't how it worked. I panicked so much about being alone, I didn't see I was just twisting the blade.

Now I'm alone for good. No matter what I do, even if I go to the end of the world to see a therapist, even if I left this shit country, even if I found what I want, I still wouldn't be unbanned, and I'd never see them again. Not their icons, not their messages, not the jokes. Ever.

I wish I could just die and put an end to this, but freedom and the alone time I need is so far away...

Hopefully I won't live to see the next 4/27. I'd rather be an unconcious vegetable than live to rot away and miss everyone. I don't care if the train isn't likely to kill, or if the building isn't tall enough... I'll die before it.

I'll die before I face any other consequences.

 

[Carrotcake]

I'm coming of my meds so I feel physically awful as well as mentally awful. I'm constantly crying and the people here keep going "aww you can talk to us" but how do I explain that there is nothing to talk about? Like sorry but I barely have any thoughts? It's just the dark, dark feeling that's paralyzing me. There is nothing I can say and there is nothing that can help. I'm just watching the time go by and try to get through it.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Morning was good as always, coffee and my own time... I have my rutins everyday after kids have left to school etc. I played game what I like and listened to music, no need to think anything ... Now I'm just waiting that I can go to sleep.

Somehow I'm feeling lonely and still I don't feel anything. I miss that feeling when you talk someone who feels special to you and you two have your own things together. Something, what no one else can't understand.

This is boring day like always.

 

[http-410]

Spent most of the time in bed and felt like shit. Now I'm sitting around still feeling like crap.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Rough. Thursdays are always hell at work and my personal life is a huge obstacle course.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just feel very tired today. As usual I am looking forward to sleep. I lack the energy to do pretty much anything.

 

[kovkay]

I think I need stability and clear expectations drawn out. I fucked up, but I think I'll just stop giving a shit.

 

[MountKecske]

Had a Xanax and an Ativan and wondering waiting two hours as doctors(my parents) say is really necessary to start drinking. Really though it's not so easy did it numerous times no respiratory arrest nothing with two packs a day and the beginnings of COPD. The first few times I did it it felt like rolling the dice but I don't have much expectation I'll get lucky this time or in the future anymore.
Ordered plush octopuses for drawing reference for a painting I'm planning.
If I'm not too drunk/sleepy will continue reading Cosmic Queries by Neil deGrasse Tyson later.

 

[motel rooms]

 

[S like suicide]

It's very hot here and I can't stand it, really! I would like to clean the house a little because it's really dirty and do some cleaning but the heat is really suffocating ... I'm always in bed and I'm very bored ... nauseated by boredom and loneliness ... I don't know what to do anymore ... my head is empty and I'm confused ... what a shit life

 

[not_ready]

8

 

[motel rooms]

 

[Borghesia]

Absolutely fucking terrible which is why I'm here again for the first time in months

 

[motel rooms]