Venting Anybody else who cannot live and cannot die?

[Black wizard]

I want to ctb every single day but when I plan it all out I just start crying endlessly. I love my family even if they don't care about me and I don't want to leave them or hurt them even though death is objectively the right thing for me. I am stuck between life and death. I am not living but I am afraid I cannot die either. Does anybody else feel this way?

 

[nowhere123]

I feel the same, I'm trapped in these feelings every day.

 

[deadpornstarr!]

there's still this bit of hope in me that things are going to get better , and that i really should stay around to see that , but a lot of the time i really just wish it would go away already . the things its dragging me through are too painful most of the time .

im just kind of exhausted . it sucks

 

[Jamylap]

i live exactly the same... i cry everyday and i smile all day but since i am alone i start sh or crying, and i don't manage to open up to my psychologist... i have to talk but my friends have their own problems... and can't die but i can't live like this anymore... you know, i would juste like to pause my life... it would be great, you see, nothing during a time... and dying is the best way, but i can't because of the people who love me it is soooo difficult to take a decision !!

 

[diazepam23]

I personally don't get this. I never asked for
this life so why should I feel in debt because two people decided to procreate especially since they tell me regularly that they "owe me nothing"? Ridiculous in my opinion unless your family is extremely supportive.

Everyone will eventually have to lose a family member so it makes no difference if it's now or in the future.

 

[WalmartSoap]

The way I view it, it's almost better for my family in the long run. Scratch that, it IS better for them. They don't have to worry about me going off to college or deal with my shit ass attitude around the house all the time. After initial sorrow, maybe, my death would be entirely valuable to them, I like to think they'd be like the Samsas at the end of The Metamorphosis.

Anyway, that's my logical brain. My emotional one? Stuck right in the same boat as you. I think I'm a coward.

 

[Jubeout]

i live exactly the same... i cry everyday and i smile all day but since i am alone i start sh or crying, and i don't manage to open up to my psychologist... i have to talk but my friends have their own problems... and can't die but i can't live like this anymore... you know, i would juste like to pause my life... it would be great, you see, nothing during a time... and dying is the best way, but i can't because of the people who love me it is soooo difficult to take a decision !!

I would love a do-over to undo so many of the things I have done that mess with our futures.

 

[itsgone2]

there's still this bit of hope in me that things are going to get better ,

I don't even have that. 9 months of this. Cannot believe I'm still here

. I think I'm a coward.

Me too. In fairness it's big. It's ok if we're afraid. But in the end it's a process. Just need to numbly do it.

 

[Bishop]

I personally don't get this. I never asked for
this life so why should I feel in debt because two people decided to procreate especially since they tell me regularly that they "owe me nothing"? Ridiculous in my opinion unless your family is extremely supportive.

Everyone will eventually have to lose a family member so it makes no difference if it's now or in the future.

Exactly. Crying for them? Uh no. I guess if I were a teen or still young.

 

[eesabtbad]

Me too… I had two attempts, one with methanol and the second one with ethylene glycol, both failed. After that I got fired from my job and kicked out of my uni because I haven't brung any documents prooving that something was really off with me on time. My parents didn't believe me I actually attempted because "I was so successful in life and how could I even think of killing myself and probably I just want money from them" (and that's also the reason I couldn't get the documents on time) but I have a caring sister and we spend so much time together and I'm not 100% sure if I want to die, but I don't want to be a trouble for my parents, they already have problems, so I know I have to die.

I've been suicidal since I was 13 (now I'm 20), so I don't really care anymore about my life in any way but I don't want to make my little sister sad, she's only 16 and also attempted a year ago…

I know, people just say "go get a job" but it's not that easy for me. No one wants to hire me actually. And without money I cannot afford therapy. Also I don't think it would help me in any way.

 

[wannabeangel]

im the same way, i dont live a life outside of being sick and the taste of a normal domestic life i had before i ruined it, but i cant die because i feel too much guilt with my family and people who care about me, it would destroy them, but im tired of feeling my will to exist being destroyed daily, so it feels like im being torn apart being pulled both ways

 

[Hollowman]

Yep, limbo sucks. Been stuck in it for years.

 

[unluckysadness]

Oh yes I feel the same since a very long time.

 

[urgent]

I'm in a difficult situation. I really need to ctb asap but I can't do it here.With my health problems I need to plan it with someone with a car in NY that doesn't want to be alone

 

[dontknow12301]

i feel the exact same way. the thought of living any longer is terrifying to me but so is death. I just feel so impossibly stuck. i have no goals, ambitions, or passions, i can't connect with people and form meaningful relationships, i don't see any future for myself at all. but the thought of death and nothingness is so horrifying to me I don't know how I will go through with it. i wish i could make peace with the concept of death.