Help I dont want to die but i cannot afford to continue living Please Help

[C-4224]

OK so I have quite the story to tell. I know there are many others that are worse off than me and some of my situation is my fault, but there are aspects of where I am in life that I cannot continue to endure and are not possible to control. I love life. I love people. I wish this was easy for me but it is not. I feel my hand is forced. What is worse is that it is because of money. As little as 1700 would save my life and my mother's. I am young, 20 years old. I have been supporting me and my mom and our cats since I was 16 with no help. My father is dead and was a drug addiction that she kicked out of the house when I was 6. She is a kind intelligent capable individual that had her job, family, and life ruined and taken from her by either her severe mental illness, or alternatively, her delusions being true. If she is correct, everyone she knows has been replaced, facts of reality have been changed, and nothing is her fault. She was a teacher for 16 years before being forced to retire early due to our car breaking down and being given a ride by a senior student to a mechanic. This was grounds for termination apparently. Since then we have been evicted twice without cause, as you can be evicted for no fault in MA. (Usa) we have been forced to move 6 times since the pandemic due to lack of financial security and several dangerous living situations. I worked my way up at a botanical gardenafter dropping out of highschool and getting my GED. I was forced to leave this job, my only support system and collection of friends, due to me trusting her that our family would help support us. We have gotten no such support. Every year I work more hours and get better pay, yet my continuing to trust her judgment and my lack of emotional and psychological stability in our circumstances has continued to put us in worse and worse situations. She was able to get a job substitute teaching and I was forced to quit my job landscaping so she could use her car to work. She was fired and we were without income for 3 months this winter. This time we are getting evicted because we could not pay for two months. I got us a lead on a place to live and i got a better paying job, but with veterinary bill debt and no other support, we are only able to live pay check to paycheck. I work a 9-5 and make too much to qualify for any subsidies or state help. I also got into a car accident last week and my insurance will go up to almost 400 a month. I cannot continue on. I plan on ending it soon, at the train tracks by where I live if I cannot get the money for a security deposit. I don't want to do this anymore. I can no longer work with my passion of horticulture. I have no friends. There is no safety or love or light in my life any more. But If I had the money for a security deposit, I would be able to continue to live and support my mom. I love her and I will not abandon her like everyone else has. We could live a life worth living now that I am being paid enough to sustain us. We just need a home. I need any advice kindness or generosity anyone who reads this has. I will even pay someone back over time. I just need the opportunity to survive this so I can get us help. I will not make the same mistakes again. If you cannot help me then please give me advice for leaving this world without guilt as I cannot take it any more. I want to share my talents and love and truth with the world. I just can't do it without opportunity. Please help. Thank you <3