Venting Why am I such a burden to others

[darkdarkdark]

I quit my job due to my depression.
I couldn't get out of bed or work without constantly crying.
I had to be hospitalized anyway, so I quit work, too.

Now I am out of the hospital and my parents expect me to work again.
They're not wrong for asking that for they are paying the rent for my apartment.(They also give monthly allowance to me.)
I am 25, (27 in Korean age) I should be able to do things by myself.
I shouldn't need my parents help to do basic things in life.

The main problem is that I can't even get myself outside for a walk.
I can't get out of bed or I am not getting out of bed...
I don't even know if I'm not able to or I'm just not doing it.
My doctor and my parents advised me to go outside even for a tiny bit but I'm too lazy.
I just end up sleeping through the daytime because that makes as an excuse for not going outside.

I know... I am a horrible person. I know I should get myself together, but I can't... just can't...

 

[jodes2]

You're not a horrible person. Sometimes we just don't have the will power to do these things. We can't help it. You're obviously trying hard enough. You have enough pressure. You obviously need some help. Medication could help. It seems like your parents don't fully understand how difficult it is for you

 

[Faejin]

"Just walking outside" sounds like an super easy task, but people with depression live life on on Hard difficulty all of the time.

The fact that you feel like a horrible person instantly proves that you aren't.
You're not lazy either. You and a lot of us just barely have enough energy to exist.

 

[darkdarkdark]

You're not a horrible person. Sometimes we just don't have the will power to do these things. We can't help it. You're obviously trying hard enough. You have enough pressure. You obviously need some help. Medication could help. It seems like your parents don't fully understand how difficult it is for you

Thanks for your kind words. My parents wants me to feel better as all parents would do with their depressed daughter but on top of that they want results. The outcome, which is me working again. I'm not sure if I will be able to do that. I just want N or SN.

"Just walking outside" sounds like an super easy task, but people with depression live life on on Hard difficulty all of the time.

The fact that you feel like a horrible person instantly proves that you aren't.
You're not lazy either. You and a lot of us just barely have enough energy to exist.

Yeah... I'm going to try to walk outside tomorrow 'again' to see how I feel... thanks for your comment

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really tiring what you have to go through, it's certainly understandable just wishing for some N, it's really unfortunate how it's not even an option for us anymore. To me there is nothing more comforting than the thought of peacefully passing away and being free from the torture that is existing. But anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Sadgirldaisy]

I'm sorry you're having to go through all this, I'm sure you're trying as hard as you can.