What's bothering you right now?

[ShadowsFall]

Cold, exhausted, and in alot of pain due to overworking myself.

 

[Nanako]

My unending anxiety

 

[symphony]

I feel panicky and there's not much I can do except hope I fall asleep soon, which seems unlikely since I took a 4 hour nap this afternoon and don't feel tired at all, haha fuck

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Everything

 

[TheWood]

The monotony

 

[eternalflame]

Well i dont have a good rope and i can't overdose on anything. I also have cold.

 

[western_heart]

Stuck in a foreign country, afraid I won't be able to get home

 

[allesistgut]

i'm annoyed with myself. i went to visit my friends tree yesterday but i didn't stay very long and wish i would have stayed longer.

i also wanted to bring this small rock for her that i've had for a long time. i wanted to bring something but i wasn't sure what and i felt weird, but i just wanted to bring that rock and leave it there for her. but i couldn't find it anywhere.

 

[symphony]

I slept so long. Like a total of 15-16 hours starting yesterday afternoon and ending this morning. It was so nice. And I'm so goddamn fucking angry that I woke up.

 

[symphony]

Had some terrible interactions surrounding therapy today. The therapists started to get increasingly confrontational with me at the beginning of group. I got upset, cried, triggered another patient, and stormed out of the room. The therapist told me that some messages I sent her trying to advocate for my needs were "threatening" and that "we needed to be able to communicate with each other without using threats."

After group I had a (planned) meeting with some therapists and my parents about treatment planning. I felt that a restrictive transitional living program was being pushed on me with no thought given to my concerns around it. Much of the conversation was about how I act within group and it seemed very much like my parents really didn't need to be involved and I was super uncomfortable with their presence. Apparently when I get upset and leave the room it is "extremely disruptive," and here I am thinking that leaving the room is less disruptive than having a full on panic attack / breakdown in front of everyone. I'm being forced to sign a contract saying that if I can't change my behavior and stop being disruptive I'll be forced out of the program.

I'm feeling so threatened that it seems more and more like a good idea not to wait until I have good means and a good opportunity to CTB, just hang myself in my bedroom when my parents are out.

 

[littlelungs]

CW: self harm

I want to fucking die so bad. I messed something up earlier and I isolated myself and had a complete fucking meltdown – sobbed like I just saw my entire family get brutally murdered in front of me, hit myself and went fucking berserk on my arm with a pair of scissors. This obviously goes a lot deeper than what triggered me earlier, but like everything else, it's too complicated. Long story short, I'm fucked in the head and have seen and been through way too much, and I'm at the end of what I can handle in every regard. My life has just been an extremely painful cycle of constant agony and I can't wait until I can finally be free of myself and everything that has made me the way I am now.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Having nothing to do to keep my mind busy.

 

[allesistgut]

even though i either want jumping or full suspension as my method, today i had the perfect opportunity to try partial hanging if i would have had rope which i still have to buy. no one was home for hours which doesn't happen very often, so a bit annoyed with myself. i don't really even want to go with partial hanging, but i don't know.

 

[waitingforrest]

They keep using me to vent their relationship problems. I am just a acquaintance not a relationship counselor. Stop yelling at me. Please stop, it brings back bad memories.

 

[S like suicide]

I have this huge void inside me
I feel so deeply alone
So alone
I don't even know how to explain this
I don't feel the love,i don't feel the life inside me
I'm invisible
I want disappear
I wish i never existed
I'm scared of everything
Noone cares
Noone never cared
I feel fear
I want just cry
I feel so alone and i feel so much cold inside

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I can't sleep.

 

[Manaaja]

I keep altering between feeling that I'm really important and that I don't matter. But when I think about it, whenever I'm feeling mentally and physically fine I feel like I'm important, thus shouldn't I heed the words and thoughts of my better self?

When I'm happy and feeling better, I know there's a happy afterlife. Shouldn't I strive for it?

 

[waitingforrest]

Accidentally swallowed a cotton pad, spent a hour panicking that I was going to ctb by cotton.

I found it a few minutes later :/

Oh God, how do I even get myself into these situations.

 

[S like suicide]

I can't sleep,i can't stop crying,my thoughts and my broken heart hurt....i'm feeling really bad
It was all a lie and i can't belive it...i can't belive it:(
With whom i talked all this time?
It was all just a game?
Playing with others' genuine feelings is mean
I didn't desearve it

 

[Kismet]

Mostly work, it stresses the hell out of me sometimes and i bring that stress home always. One day I'm good, the next I'm looking for ways to die. Usually feeling like there's more to do than I can get done so I end up withdrawing from everything

 

[S like suicide]

I am dealing more and more with toxic and lying people on this site and honestly I am shockly disappointed...as much as I deeply appreciate this forum it is true however that there are also so many lying people and
with bad intentions around here...

 

[Nanako]

I hate being so anxious all the damn time. This is no way to live.

 

[anxious_depressive]

It worries me that an afterlife is possible.

And after ctb I will go to hell.
I'm so scared.

 

[Slaanesh]

Money.

It costs money to eat money to keep the lights on money for heat........money to live. It's a constant obsession, and ignoring it will fuck you.

 

[karasu]

Lots of anxiety and feelings of dread leading up to my birthday and now that it's the day, I can't help but feel overwhelmed with the feeling that I've overstayed my time on Earth. I was supposed to be gone already but I'm still here and dreading the passage of time and the looming dread of becoming older and more useless. Every year, my worth diminishes and every year nearing and on my birthday, I am frustrated that I am still alive and that my previous attempts from when I was a lot younger and dumber didn't succeed. I have never been able to do or accomplish anything I truly wanted and I am trapped with how my life is now. If only it would be so easy where I could snap my fingers and disappear just like that.

 

[Manaaja]

Different day, same shit. Someone rescue me. I don't want to lose my soul and mind.

 

[xo777]

The fact that I am never going to feel better.
How I am leaving soon with (N) and I am just going to close my eyes and it will all be nothing.
Or if there is something that is an even scarier thought.
I'm terrified of what's next.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Dysphoria (the underlying cause of my depression) and I want to CTB, but the worry of what is going to happen with my family is making me torn.

 

[Lullaby]

Coming to terms with a situation I was holding on to is out of my hands now. I kept hoping that things would change or go back to the way it was, but it's done, and they way it happened just kills me.

Not only did I lose something that made my days better, but it completely destroys the hopes I had for my future. It just hurts a lot.

 

[RubyGloom]

my boyfriend having an episode and using substances like he does every fucking weekend and his mood completely derailing mine. i desperately need weekends to rest because i can never get enough during the week and it literally takes every ounce of energy to make it through, but then his drunk/high emotional episodes fuck up my mood and weekend completely. sigh. never ending.