What do you do when you think you are unforgivable/hopeless?

[SomedayorNexttime]

I feel like a real sack of shit today and I'm debating if I should take my life a lot sooner than I hoped. I don't know how to move forward or how to forgive myself. I don't know if I can live with who I am.
I want to be evaluated by someone and be told straight up if I should kill myself or not. I wish I didn't have to determine it myself. I want people to tell me so I can gauge how valuable I am. I cannot stand living the way I do and scrolling online evaluating how the world might see me or looking up self help to "learn how to forgive yourself."
It is an endless cycle of waking up with dread, scrolling online, and going to sleep thinking I might be an okay human being.
I don't know if I should live a miserable life, CTB, or be happy.

I'll enact my plan for my last day on Earth and take myself out the moment someone tells me that I'll never be worth anyone's time and I actually should CTB.

Please tell me what you guys would do if you feel like you're beyond hope. If you have ever done something that made someone feel that way about you, I especially want to hear your thoughts.

 

[Vivissa]

Almost 10 year trying to forgive myself, to change, to give results. Im the same retrd but older piece os trash.

 

[naookoo128]

I want to be evaluated by someone and be told straight up if I should kill myself or not

Nobody here will do that. We cant do that for you, it would be wrong and that decision is only on you.

I don't know how to move forward or how to forgive myself. I don't know if I can live with who I am.

I´m very sorry you feel like that, I do too. I could not figure it out how to forgive myself fully in a real way yet. The obvious stuff like therapy or venting with friends was helpful for me. Also getting outside/offline, but I know how hard it is, I´m also a very addicted person overall and my discipline and willpower is near 0.

I don't know if I should live a miserable life, CTB, or be happy.

I think happy is always a good choice if we can. Personally I want to chose CTB before I live a miserable and long life, but again, thats only on us to decide for ourselves.

 

[Feldsparc]

I can't forgive myself too. What are you even supposed to do to forgive yourself. For me it only means forgiveness when the people I've wronged forgive and accept me. I feel I'm a shitty person with no self awareness

 

[wine is fine but]

i have no idea what why you will not be willing to forgive yourself, but at some point in life, virtually everyone should

even in some of the most horrible situations, the person in the wrong normally doesn't win either - they still pay a price. and sometimes that price is much too cruel for what they did without dragging it out even further

For me it only means forgiveness when the people I've wronged forgive and accept me. I feel I'm a shitty person with no self awareness

perhaps forgiving yourself first, will allow you to be a slightly different person who they feel they can now trust again

by being bitter towards yourself, those you wronged will see that and perhaps it will turn them away more. a person can be remorseful, and never forget what they did, even after they have forgiven themselves. it basically means they have learnt and maybe even changed enough to never do those things again

i know suggesting to forgive yourself sounds ridiculous to you, but if you can do it, your life will be immeasurably better, and you may see your son grow up and he still have a mum