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lovedread

lovedread

thinking abt how shauna ate jackies ear
Jan 2, 2020
35
1 i hate myself, idk how to do the whole life thing
2 my best friend despises me. they r the best person i know idk if i can get over it
3 my life just ... kinda sucks! but i know it could get worse, not tryingto be ungrteful
 
SilverTiger

SilverTiger

Life is the night, I seek the warmth of the sun.
Apr 18, 2024
38
  • Autism: despire having a a degree, a masters and soon to be a doctorate in Computer Science, I will be part of the 85% of autistic people who are long-term unemployed, this only leads to homlessness, it also means that people don't like me very much even if I like them.
  • Abuse: my older brother saw fit to beat me as a child, and I still hurt from that, my mother played favourites and even to this day she is playing favourites, older brother got away with child abuse.
  • Uncertainty: I am 26 now, bar a few years of Uni (Thank you Covid lockdowns for sdtealing time) there has never been a 'good' point in my life, childhood was pain and bullying and the death of my dad, teenage years was negligence and bullying, and now adult years is going through my doctroate knowing I still won't be employed or safe in my housing. I grew up in poverty, abused, autistic and watching my dad die from smoking he was worned about before I was born...
At this point, I want that permenant solution, I doubt there is a god who would let this happen to me, I just hate how it happened to me anyway... I want to share this in the thread with all of you... Nothing that has happened to you was anything you could control, you are not to blame you just got unlucky, and we will walk into the sun together...
 
MrOptions

MrOptions

Let it go. This to shall pass.
Jan 6, 2020
170
-Finances (only income is SSDI and limited savings)
-Health Issues (still going through cancer treatments)
-Life Long Depression and Anxiety (I think most of us have this)
 
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
7,626
1. Financial insecurity in my chosen job. (My creative job has always been my coping mechanism throughout life.)

2. A strong desire to avoid old age and illness with little money and no family/friends.

3. Past bereavements (also, a desire to avoid future bereavements) and past childhood trauma (probably narcissistic abuse) that set me on this path to begin with.
 
T

timetodie24

Experienced
Apr 14, 2023
205
1- Hate every part if myself. Have no personality and ugly, useless, worthless, evil, waste of space etc.
2- life is pointless to me. I have no
Interest in anything that'd make life worthwhile. I have no hobbies or job, no career goals, don't want relationship or family, don't want to travel etc.
3- To protect others. It will ease the burden on those around me and make their lives better and also keep them safe.
 
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DepressedDude

DepressedDude

Member
Apr 21, 2024
44
1. Feel uncomfortable almost all the time
2. Existential dread / despair (I don't understand why any life form exists just to suffer & die anyway)
3. Anxiety / fears about stuff that most likely never happen

I never had any of these problems before I got injected with Antipsychotics, the anhedonia it brought had me stuck in bed 24/7 with nothing to do except think about life and how stupid it was.
 
ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
2,455
1. There isn't anything in life that I want to voluntarily do or that I enjoy; me doing something here is just so miserable because I never wanted to do anything to begin with
2. I want the best for myself because I deserve peace: that best being permanent non existence. I just love the idea of permanent non existence so much... it puts me in peace by just thinking about it
3. The earlier I die, the more my total cumulative amount of time spent suffering on this earth decreases
 
SomewhatLoved

SomewhatLoved

Bringing out the Dead and Searching for the Living
Apr 12, 2023
96
1. relationship issues/social isolation
2. lack of motivation in career/no real interest past graduation of post secondary
3. Depression that I've had as long as I can remember
 
michibella

michibella

New Member
Apr 25, 2024
1
1. crippling gender dysphoria, can barely go outside anymore or look at myself in the mirror. i can only muster up the courage to do so every few days. i just hate my body
2. 0 friends or social life. only person i talked to was my ex boyfriend but he broke up with me a month ago and now i go most days without talking to anyone.
3. i feel extremely socially stunted, i can barely keep a conversation going and i feel like no one ever wants to talk to me and i dont know if im able to form human meaningful relationships anymore. i say "stunted" but idk if this is just how i am.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
34,242
I want to die because of existence basically, I simply don't see anything desirable about existing and I guess that can be seen as the 1st reason. Regardless of the circumstances not existing is preferable to me, being conscious and aware just causes me to suffer. Human existence is just a futile and torturous burden, there's no point to existing, existence is just meaningless suffering, I simply don't wish to have the ability to think or feel, instead I just wish to be unaware for all eternity, all that comforts me is the thought of being permanently unconscious.

And for number 2, it's because to me suicide is all that's rational, in my case suicide is the way to avoid all future suffering in an existence that can potentially get so torturous way beyond how anyone could imagine. I'd always prefer to permanently not exist than to end up suffering for decades just to be tormented by old age dying slowly and painfully. Ceasing to exist cannot ever be bad as nobody can suffer from the absence of existence and I don't want to suffer in any way.


Number 3. Because existence is so evil as it's the source of all suffering and I find it such a terrible, horrific tragedy how life even exists at all. Honestly I don't believe suicide even needs reasons behind it, my wish to die is really just a result of becoming aware of how truly undesirable existence is, anyone with awareness should be able to understand why people would prefer to not exist.
 
Dark Window

Dark Window

Experienced
Mar 12, 2024
259
Just one reason: When my girlfriend of 35 years suddenly died, that put me into a terminal depression--She loved life, she didn't want to go--That's what hurts the most
I can't even imagine....

You can be so happy then life just obliterates you.
 
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4am

4am

there’s nothing for you (it/its)
Dec 14, 2023
1,559
my one top reason is that life isn't for me. there's nothing appealing about living/having a life to me, i never understood the point in doing all that. tbh life just seems like a waste of a time i could be peacefully spending in a non-existence
 
Last edited:
melancholymallory03

melancholymallory03

Do cats live nine lives ? Or do humans ⏰
Feb 20, 2024
314
1 reason Heartbreak lasting almost 3 going on 4 years I believe now ( this person was like my only light at the end of the tunnel ) now I'm saying fuck the tunnel and I have radically accepted the fact they have thrown me out in the trash and are likely not coming back, it's true love and they are the only person I love romantically ( besides my wife , but we are in an open relationship ( lesbian , not legally married ) but spiritually . I don't tell her the things that bother me because she's to autistic to know what to say; we're different levels of functioning and I can't blame her I just enjoy her presence. She's also super sweet and dosent deserve to hear about all my shit. She knows I had another love that left and kills me, it's been almost five years. I have come to terms with this heartbreak. Anyways ……… pushing it out of my head now.hurts to much

Second reason trauma
My childhood babysitter my mom used to leave me alone with did stuff to me and nobody will believe me , I would also publically shame myself if I told anyone and our families are mutual friends so my mom would probably be angry with me for ruining her image and starting " drama " so just keep that one to myself …..


Third reason ,Lack of resonation with society :/ don't get things , politically , or anything . This world is just not made for me .. I wish we could all get along but I know it's not that simple. I simply donf wanna exist in a galaxy of pain and misery, I look around and I see so much suffering , I look inside me and I see so much , if just dosent make sense. Why are some people born to suffer?
 
EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
1,084
I used to want to ctb due to:

1. Self-hatred
2. Because I felt like a burden
3. Because I was just miserable

Now, I only plan on ctbing in future for one reason, which is that I just don't find much appeal in living a long life. I'm trying to learning to work through the things listed above because I don't want to die feeling like that.
 

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