Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[BitterlyAlive_]

Another day. Hasn't even been a "bad" day but I just feel like fucking shit. Everything hurts, the guilt is insane. Have just been in bed crying again since getting home from work, tried to interact with people for a bit but it wore me out.

I really don't want to make my friends' lives harder. I don't want to be more of a burden and liability. I'm just too selfish to be a good friend right now.

Can't even articulate my thoughts right. Everything just hurts so bad…

 

[verywellthen]

I feel many things. I feel overwhelmed by life even if I do almost nothing. I need to clean but would do ANYTHING else instead. I feel tried. I feel like a burden to people who love me, a toxic person only filled with negativity who is completely incapable of dealing with it by themselves and spewing it out anywhere and everywhere. I don't listen to other people, I don't ask them questions. I am so self-absorbed. I feel it cannot go on like this, but I cannot move in any direction, I cannot make anything work... and I feel physically cold, emotionally numb, my old self, a kind and caring person has been replaced by this numb, awful version of myself, who I really don't like... and yet I keep saying 'it's okay', as if anyone would actually believe this. It's a weird time.

 

[Bleak]

Burdened with guilt.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

This shit is consuming me and I can't fucking take it

 

[Manaaja]

I found a piece of my dog's fur on my finger! My cute little doggy-woggy! I love you my dog! I hope you are doing well wherever you are!

 

[needingpeace24]

You've been gone far too long for me to still be feeling this way about you. All this time later and you're the first thing that crosses my mind as I wake up. I still remember everything and I fear it will always be that way no matter how much time passes. This is a living hell for me. Still feel a physical pain in my chest the same way I did when I heard you saying the words I never dreamed I'd hear you speak. Nothing fills the void. Not alcohol, sex, sleep, food, conversation, venting or tears I've let go. You're always with me. Despite the physical and mental pain I'm in daily, I genuinely hope you're happier than you've ever been. I love you, meanness.

 

[Lost1234]

Feeling stressed, lonely and exhausted. Contemplating how much more I have to do to compensate for all the things I've not done at the right age.

it's been a while since I've visited to SS. Just found out about the new domain , I was devastated when I saw the NYT post about the site.

Glad you're still here SS

 

[Myl]

Extremely lonely. I miss having someeone to obsess over who would show me any sort of affection, even if only a little. I'm probably never going to find someone who will put up with that again.
Upset.
Suicidal. I want to try to kill myself so badly, probably by slitting my throat but it's so risky and i can't let myself do it and fail.
I don't know how much longer I can go without doing something, even with the anhedonia.

 

[little helpers]

fucked up in the head. that's all.

fucked up in the chest, too. shit never stops.

Extremely lonely. I miss having someeone to obsess over who would show me any sort of affection, even if only a little. I'm probably never going to find someone who will put up with that again.
Upset.
Suicidal. I want to try to kill myself so badly, probably by slitting my throat but it's so risky and i can't let myself do it and fail.
I don't know how much longer I can go without doing something, even with the anhedonia.

I'm too screwed to even perceive my loneliness rn but oh boy I know that feeling well.

think you already know that slitting your throat would (by the highest chance) only turn out to be self-harm. but that might as well *is* a SH impulse. I talked to someone wanting to die in the most painful way possible couple days ago here. and yeah, I know that feeling too. every once in a while. actually, now.

do I die for self-destruction or do I die for my own best interest? what if my best interest *is* to self-destruct?

man, I don't fucking know.

 

[Julgran]

It would be horrendous to live for 135 years, like the oldest person, who just passed away, did - even if one didn't have any inclination of ending one's life.

Read more here:

World's 'oldest person ever' dies 'aged 135'

Alimihan Seyiti, from Komuxerik in Shule County in the north-western Xinjiang Uygur Autonomous Region, died on 16th December, reportedly aged 135.

www.dailymail.co.uk

On the other hand, it must have been awe-inspiring to have seen society develop the way that it has over all those years.

 

[Sherri]

Upset at all this Xmas stuff, next please.

 

[Manaaja]

Am I the only person utilizing the block/ignore feature?

There was one user that almost made me quit this forum, but then just by blocking that one person this forum became ten times better and I didn't have to leave this site. It was good for my mental health too.

 

[SnowWhite]

A little empty, a little guilty. I've been oversleeping a lot recently (legit 17 hours), and feel like I've kinded neglected my girlfriend.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Am I the only person utilizing the block/ignore feature?

There was one user that almost made me quit this forum, but then just by blocking that one person this forum became ten times better and I didn't have to leave this site. It was good for my mental health too.

I'm scared to use it because it might mess up the flow of a forum game if it ever comes to that. There's also the fact that there's no one I'd actually feel inclined to block atm.

 

[we're all alright]

grateful but a little uncomfortable. i value ss a lot but i don't like interacting with people much and prefer reading and learning without talking unless i have questions. i also already said something on the new ss group and don't really want to repost. however if i understand, this forum structure requires you to post (several times?) before you get access to all features. i kind of get it but it's still awkward for me. hoping this counts toward that lol!

 

[golfmavenice]

I am not crazy!

 

[YMN]

There's a blackout at my house right now. Using mobile data to write this. I wonder when the power will come back. I don't like being left alone with my thoughts.

 

[LingeringUnreal]

Really annoyed at someone I'm supposed to love, but dealing with it. Just irritable and moody lately mostly. Probably going to end up griping on here on Christmas, lol.

 

[electrojellysoup]

I'm so fucking tired. This is all so meaningless. I'm going to die no matter what I do anyway and it looks like it's just going to suck being me.

 

[needed_]

don't know how to survive christmas. my sisters arrived 2 days ago and i love them so much but they are already too much and i'm still waiting for my dad, my brother, his wife, and their baby to arrive...

 

[Sherri]

i don't feel like celebrating Xmas, I think I rather celebrate NYE instead till that day and be high all the time for a week.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm running low on my savings and there's stuff I want to buy (mostly mobile game stuff). I really need a job but I'm scared of what that might entail. I'm already burnt out AND I don't even have a job. It's been over a year since I got my bachelors degree and still no job to show for it. All I do is watch my autistic sister all day and even though that doesn't sound too stressful, just trying to keep her routines is exhausting enough for a lazy piece of shit like me. I've also been hearing too much about how shitty hiring is for everyone these days and I just don't want to subject myself to that and yet I know I'm gonna have to. I'm also scared that even if I do end up enjoying whatever job I have then I'm just going to get myself into the same situation where I either get attracted to a coworker or even worse, a coworker gets attracted to me and I don't like them back. I'd hate either of those scenarios because I just can't handle that sort of drama right now or even ever again.

It's not even about getting a girlfriend for me anymore. I've all but completely given up at this point and I just want to hold out for the next few months before I finally decide to end it all and yet I can't shake the nagging feeling that I should at least try to make an effort in some areas, one last hurrah as some might say before I abruptly end things before it gets out of hand. To do this though, I would have to overcome my burnout. Unfortunately i don't think there's any way for me to. No one else can really watch my sister as much as I do. and that alone leaves me too tired to do anything else that's productive.

All the advice I looked up on overcoming burnout was dumb cliche bullshit like "exercise", "eat healthy", "get more sleep". Like come on with that schlock. How the hell am I supposed to even start any of those things while I'm already burnt out in the first place? This is like asking someone to treat their broken bones by having unbroken bones that are fully healed. It just doesn't work like that. Where do they have the gall to even expect me to have the motivation to do such tedious and unnecessary things which I can't even do until I've already beaten the burnout? It just doesn't make any sense to me. How am I supposed to find a job when everytime I try I just get discouraged by how little it pays or how demanding they are for their schedules upfront? The stupid thing is even if I had a job I'd STILL have to watch my sister so I'd just be setting myself up to get even more tired and even more burnt out if that's even possible. I hate living so much and death could not come any sooner since apparently I can't even afford the things that would make me want to live in the first place.

 

[Silenos]

Kinda mad. I used to think my family was kind of alright, but they just keep disappointing me in the most surprising ways. This time it was my grandma straight up defending child abuse and throwing in some victim blaming while she was at it. I promptly told her to fuck off and blocked her.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Fuck today fuck today FUCK TODAY

 

[Bleak]

Toxic fucking garbage piece of shit.

 

[http-410]

Hopelessness and resignation, tears.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Really annoyed at someone I'm supposed to love, but dealing with it. Just irritable and moody lately mostly. Probably going to end up griping on here on Christmas, lol.

You can still love someone and be annoyed with them FWIW. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. Feel free to keep venting we'll be here and there are many others who understand what you're going through.

Am I the only person utilizing the block/ignore feature?

There was one user that almost made me quit this forum, but then just by blocking that one person this forum became ten times better and I didn't have to leave this site. It was good for my mental health too.

You're definitely not the only person. Speaking for myself, I'm not a huge fan of blocking but there's some cases where you just have to. Hugs.

Extremely lonely. I miss having someeone to obsess over who would show me any sort of affection, even if only a little. I'm probably never going to find someone who will put up with that again.
Upset.
Suicidal. I want to try to kill myself so badly, probably by slitting my throat but it's so risky and i can't let myself do it and fail.
I don't know how much longer I can go without doing something, even with the anhedonia.

I understand the urges/desire to slit your throat, it's not fun. Very risky indeed. And anhedonia is fucking awful, I'm sorry to hear you experience it as well.

 

[LingeringUnreal]

You can still love someone and be annoyed with them FWIW. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. Feel free to keep venting we'll be here and there are many others who understand what you're going through.

Unfortunately we ended up breaking up last night but it was a long time coming so I'm surprisingly relieved instead of upset. Funny how that works, absolutely terrible timing with the holidays though. :c Thank you, it's appreciated.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Am I the only person utilizing the block/ignore feature?

There was one user that almost made me quit this forum, but then just by blocking that one person this forum became ten times better and I didn't have to leave this site. It was good for my mental health too.

Oh nope, I use it too and things have become more peaceful and silent since then. It's always nice when you don't have to deal with/see awful people. Once blocked a member who told me to go die, along with other name callings (outside the forum). So after I blocked this person both on where it happened and on here I felt better.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I don't even know what I want anymore, I want x thing then change my mind. I hate myself for this. When I decided that I want it times were much better, but now that all has gone to shit it's different.

I feel like shit. I'm also really curious to see if I will be able to get past my loneliness and be all alone until I ctb. After many attempts to give up on connections which always ended awful...