Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[RCantCope]

I feel.. empty. I've lay on the couch all day, recovering from an event that happened a mere 24 hours prior. I would most definitely like to CTB but.. I've been feeling like that for years, with no real way of doing so without fail.

I just feel numb, tired and bombarded with PTSD thoughts.

 

[daysnumbered]

I feel my phone in my hands.

 

[consider]

I hate to be my parents' retirement plan.

 

[WeepingDragon]

A guttural sound might awaken something in the deaf ears that I find myself in. Brachycardia is a cool word to explain some heart condition, and I feel as slow. Hopefully the momentum ends and I can finally rest in some cozy frigid floors. In the meantime, I admire the lights around me, and take in and share as much goodness as I can. The world is like a spikey place, the highs of life are the tips of them, and the more you fall through, the more fucked up it gets. A good life is like petting a hedgehog in the right way.

This to say, I don't know how to express what I feel in an understandable way, but I do feel something

 

[Red Moon]

Just bad, negative, empty. I should have never existed in the first place and I still do.

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly awfl this me no know wat do rly trap

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I feel discouraged and stupid. There's just no way to ctb that is easy enough for me to do.

Also, I have major cramps right now and this really pisses me off and gets me to rant because I knew when I was 16 I didn't want kids so why the hell do I have to go through this shit every month?

Sorry if that's TMI

 

[Laurentj]

dithering lights and flickering lives i fret not when it comes to doing for the rest but when it comes to my time that i rest my eyes are weary but also paradoxically heavy why must i simply weigh the right or wrong when inherently ive brokered over my choices without rhyme or reason and simply for the sake of fun

 

[Tuonetar_]

god I really do not want to leave the house today

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

To be honest, excited for the first time in a long time. Just joined and feel like I found like-minded people. In general, also empty, in a dark, removed space on autopilot. Going through everyday motions emotionless. Seeing the end as an option to the overwhelming nothingness.

 

[CTB Dream]

Sffr pain no end alws dtriort

 

[CTB Dream]

This wrld rly awfl, wt do this rlyy trap

 

[soledad.virgen]

restless towards my own emptiness, i just want to be improve myself in some way and make myself happy but everything leaves me cold and i know deep down im always gonna feel like this

 

[ChaiTea]

i want to skin myself and have everything i'm feeling finally be understood. it's like my bones are filled with something i can't describe nor can anyone else understand

 

[sick.faery]

old and sad. today is my bday :((( i failed an attempt two days ago, i should have done better then i wouldnt have aged up

 

[ben_]

Like a train or something. I won't wander off of my rails. I'll only be doing what I've been doing for ages and what I know so well. Same deeds. Same guilt. Today will not be exceptional.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

hope??? and its bordering on wishful thinking, but maybe i can still get somewhere. someone really cares about me and thats fucking crazy. i feel like in walking on air

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I have another physical therapy appointment in about 5 and a half hours, hopefully the last one. I have yet to actually open the exercises or stretches that I was given to do. Homework for PE sounds like one of the worst things imaginable to me since it combines two of the things I hated most about school. I wish exercise actually helped me like it's apparently supposed to. And this was about ten years ago while I was in my early 20s! That's supposed to be the peak of my body condition! I must be a broken piece of shit because it just doesn't work for me. I always end up eating all the weight I lose back and I never stop feeling sore. I literally went to the gym for over six months: three times a week for about five hours each. I did weightlifting, swimming, the bicycle thing, and the treadmill but none of it worked and I never got the so-called endorphin rush that everyone loves to purport. It feels so idiotic that everyone insists that exercise is the answer to everything when it really hasn't been for me. Even with my current job where I at least get paid for my physical activity, I don't feel any better from doing it and I highly doubt there have been any improvements to my health either so what the hell is so wrong with me? Is it because I just don't care enough about it? Why does the solution to everything always have to be about caring enough or believing hard enough like we all somehow have the power to make Santa Claus and fairytales real just by wishing for it? Oh if only it were so easy.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I am super exhausted with life and with living in general. I'm so behind on university work because doing it all is just so overwhelming for me. I'm so scared of the future because I know I will end up failing my university studies which in turn will cause my parents to get extremely angry at me. Why do I have to work so much!? It's just so cruel and unfair. I can't stand any of it and I've been on SS all day instead of actually studying because thinking about it is just so overwhelming. I feel like I'm in freddy's nightmare or something and all I want is peace from this horrible, putrid, repulsive existence. Peace which I can only find in death and nothing else.

All of my unnecessary pain and suffering could be brought to a permanent cessation only if I could access a suicide method. Unfortunately, there isn't a single suicide method that I can access

 

[NoPoint2Life]

It's a rainy depressing Thanksgiving. It's just me and my parents. I just ate practically a whole pack of chewy chocolate chip cookies to make myself feel better.

 

[DorkyFox]

Defeated and wasted, tried of holding on knowing I'm always going to feel this way and remain broken for the rest of my existence here. Considering taking my life on the daily as there is no escape from this nightmare. I wish I could just got back in time and make sure bad things never happened. I hate myself for getting I injured, I hate myself for ruining everything

 

[outatime_85]

I am a light bulb nearing the end of its lifespan.

 

[savory]

I feel lonely. Im alone in the house now, it's quiet and getting dark out. I had bought some food to cook since I love a Thanksgiving meal, but don't feel like cooking. I will, though. Maybe put on some music. Hopefully I can find something good to watch tonight without too much scrolling.

 

[CTB Dream]

this me vege potat no end pain sffr no able do any

 

[kitkat9234]

Depressed. Alone. Angry that I'm still here. Frustrated because there's no fool proof way to CTB and now I'm stuck living this miserable life with no way out.

 

[cicada6865]

Want to kill myself so badly, considering going out to get food to make myself eat

 

[Promised Heaven]

Really stressed and overwhelmed and casually suicidial.

It's not just because of my past, but because I see no future for myself. I only find happiness in videogames and weed and my retail job never will be enough for me to live on my own. Coworker worked there for 20 years and his salary is only $3 higher than me, I was here for a short few years. Raises are rare.

My unrealistic fantasy is that I want to have a wife and adopted children and live in a small town near an urban community where I can buy fresh produce and make vegetable dishes. I want to own a dog to walk in a park and get the love I put in them reflected back to me. I want my life to have some kind of meaning but I feel like a failure on all corners.

I want to be able to freely talk about my abuse, I want to be free. I can't be free physically. I want hope. Please I want hope. I'm not forced to end my life, it is my choosing, and I have it in thought for the endless amounts of suffering I have faced. Suicide is an option. It's not ideal, it's not the best option, and if there was hope, I'd encourage myself and others to take it.

But all I see is gloom, numbness, overwhelming emotions, and lack of a good future.

I don't want to die, but life isn't really giving me a reason not to take the action.

 

[render]

i think im about to give up having friends. every time i feel like i get close to someone i can't help but be overcome with the fear that they secretly hate me, they hate me and they're just keeping me around to watch me embarrass myself. its happened with every single person every single time. the nightmares have advanced to it being real. one time i dreamt that a friend posted a long paragraph rant about every reason why he hated me and when i joined he and two of my other friends went " ohhhhhhhhh hey rend........" and it felt too real. it felt all too real. i have dreams where im being cornered into a group call and being berated or being told that no one in the friend group actually likes me and i need to leave. i can't handle the slightest interaction anymore because i read it as a threat or something backhanded. i can tell based off the vibes. im scared of everything and everyone and i want peace more than anything else in the world. im scared to fall asleep because every time i do the nightmares come back and the days get worse and the nightmares come back and the days get worse

i need someone to fillet me like a sockeye salmon. i wish i was dead so i wouldnt have to deal with this anymore

i need to stop letting my guard down. i always do. i cant trust anyone anymore

 

[isolatedl111]

T

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

Thinking about my suicide

 

[NoPoint2Life]

In the mornings, as I'm in the bathroom, doing my hair and brushing my teeth I have been obsessing lately over the inevitable death of my mother. It's going to be about two weeks more for us to find out if she has cancer. She already has a shit load of health problems and quite honestly I'm amazed she still alive. today I started thinking of questions to ask her about certain things to give away. I know I'm jumping the gun, but this has always been a fear of mine for when it actually happens. And then my father pops into my mind and I get really scared because of something happens to him who is the healthy one I am totally screwed. Then I'll have to care for my mother alone and he is the driver in the family. It's like I'm obsessed with death lately.