Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Meteora]

Yea it was pretty heartbreaking, but I think I was so dependent on her at the time that I didn't pay attention to it. Recently I've been kinda the same. Don't wanna leave my room. I have school tmro and I'm rlly dreading it. It's okay to hurt, and if I'm being honest, if it weren't for school, I wouldn't rlly have a reason to go anywhere either. Are you two still in contact or just cut things off completely?

I hope you made it to school...
Love is always a bit of dependency, too. Every relationship makes us "dependent", that's ok. Just sad if others use it against you.

No we re not in touch anymore, I asked him to block my account cause I knew I wouldn't be able not to contact him again. Well yes that is dependency. Or love, idk.

 

[F@#$]

I really want to fuck that chick that just left my house.

 

[kawaiiphantom]

Scared :<

 

[fafnir_lol]

Tired, but can't sleep.

 

[0000000000000]

I'm done of the same things happening over and over again, but if things go well this cycle will be broken once and for all.

I jokingly call this 'part of my life' something like: the breaking of an endless cycle.

 

[synchroscope]

Nausea. Stress. Guilt. And the overwhelming urge to be horizontal. But that's just my average Wednesday.

 

[Unhumanly.]

I'm going to move out and change my identity, .. again, I don't know for how many times have I did it again
No matter how many times I move out, how many times I changed identity, there's specific person knowing my agenda, what I will change my identity to, and where I'm going.

the specific person.
There's a link I can't just cut.
No.

 

[ihatemyparents]

Abused. Just kill me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Now that I know about limerence, I know that I've only ever felt that way about certain other people. It honestly hurts knowing that I've never felt true love for anyone even though I already kind of knew that and knew it was a good enough to reason to believe I should kill myself because as long as I am allowed to live I will likely keep having limerence over innocent victims who want nothing to do with me and even if someone is crazy or stupid enough to love me back, they will quickly lose interest once they find out how I really am. I know I've caused my limerence objects to suffer primarily because I saw them as nothing more than objects and that fact honestly does make me way more comfortable with CTB'ing but now I just need to actually start on it…

 

[BorderlineChellery]

I feel like there's a gaping black hole in my chest, it's sucking the life out of me. Each day things just get worse. The only thing that gives me hope is the plan I'm making to ctb

 

[CTB Dream]

This life all sffr no end wat do not know no have slf no have any

 

[Meteora]

Not much, I m numb. Was planing my end well in the last two days. Today I m just tensed and not able to do much. Have a horrible headache.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Uh oh, the urge to recover is getting more intense lately, or at least the intrusive thought of getting a therapist. Thankfully I have no idea how to get one even though my part time job does provide mental health benefits. I tried looking up how to get one once but I got bored by the technicalities. I think I need to call someone to schedule something but I just can't find the energy to do that. This is just more desperate pleadings from the other side of me that forced me to get this job in the first place. He hates me so much he'd rather see me thrive and survive and therefore suffer than to let me kill him already.

Fucking Godzilla Minus One.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

trapped. i dont have reasons to live, i just have reasons i cant die. this thought has been going around in my head constantly ever since my last therapy session. after i told her about something thats stopping me from killing myself, she asked "isnt that a reason to live?" and i replied "its more just a reason i cant die" and i realised thats all i have. ive known for a while i dont have any reasons to live, which always confused me bc if i dont have any why am i still here. realising its just bc i have reasons i cant die kinda made it make sense, but now i just feel even more trapped. im not living for anything, im just forced to not die. i wonder if thats what stops others. i wonder if thats why people who seemingly have reasons to live still end up killing themselves, because they dont have reasons not to. it feels so pointless. and cruel. i want to go so badly but im not allowed. its not fair. i never agreed to be here, why do i have to stay even when i dont want to. why do people who want to stay get taken away. its a cruel fucking joke.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think the age minimum to become a wizard has been extended because has nobody shown up to grant me magical powers for being a virgin for 30 years. Ain't no way am I gonna wait til 55 or 60. I can't even fathom the idea of being 31 and still a kissless virgin. The thought of it fills me with so much contempt for the world that I should absolutely be stopped and have myself be killed before it's too late.

 

[doormat25]

I feel a lot of pain.

 

[Promised Heaven]

Overwhelmed. Getting nightmares about stuff that occurred in my childhood (mostly SA). Too tired to be awake but too alert to sleep. I don't want to CTB now but working 6 days in a row at work before I can rest again is hurting my head. Really don't know how I'm still here sometimes.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm not feeling great today. My dad will soon have to turn himself into the police in a few days from now and my mom is going to get back from her vacation soon. I love my mom but living with her can be draining at times and being able to say whatever without feeling nervous or stressed or guilty was a refreshing change pace. I've always felt calmer and less anxious around my dad.

I'm also scared about my dad potentially being in held in jail for a year. He says that hus lawyer says that he'll likely be able to make sure that he only stays there for a day instead but my dad doubts that and claims that he has bad luck in these situations.

 

[Ferdinand Bardamu]

I really need a good nights sleep and to get my hobbies back

 

[gu1klh]

I feel treated so unfairly by the person I love the most and don't want anything bad for them. They make it seem like I need to be perfect while they treat me like shit

 

[greebo6]

Bit desperate

 

[InAgony]

Shocked

 

[EvisceratedJester]

My dad went out to meet with someone and I decided to use his weed vape on impulse. I try lastnight but it didn't do much but make me fleel slightly gloaty and relax. I tried again not too long ago but this time I took a long inhale. After coughing a whole bunch I started to feel a bit float and relaxed and now I think I might be high. Apart me wants to go back and inhale some more. I've never been high before!!!!

It feels so good, much better than being drunk!!!! I feel so good right now!!!!

I'm so high on my AMPM TRUCK!!! HA HA HA HA HA HS HA HSHA HA HA HA!!! HA HA HA HS HA HA HAB !!! SO FUNNY AHHAHAHAHA!!!


Goodnight!!! Dont let the bed bugs bite you!!!! and a bunch of hearts for you because I love you alllllll!!!! Hugs and kisses!! I wish you all welll!!!!

 

[leaf23]

I feel doomed, like my story's been written. I'm so tired of failing, so tired of feeling sad, so tired of feeling anxious, so tired of feeling tired.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Feeling horrible !!!!
I hate life !!!!
Why couldn't I CTB years ago.
Would have saved me years of MISERY.
Life just continues to spiral downward !!!!
I try to keep up with this thread, haven't done that lately either.
Life=Shit !!!!
My brain is in a constant fog.
Please let me die...

 

[Ambivalent1]

GI distress

 

[doormat25]

I don't want to be awake/alive.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My throat hurts but I guess it was worth it even though I botched all the Frontiers boss music at karaoke.

 

[HollowDrop]

Coughing my lungs out thanks flu.

 

[Kimlett]

I feel extremely blue. I don't want to work. The world is too cold. I'm afraid of everlasting diseases; viruses, fungus and bacteria living in my body. I hate it. And I accepted a job I shouldn't have and now I don't know if I should quit. I made things worse This bad streak has to end, please life I beg you, I need a fucking rest.