Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Deleted member 8975]

I should be fucking dead.

 

[grumixamas]

Despair, hopeless. I want to stop taking meds. I just want to go.

 

[ctvunny]

Felt like crying. Just really sad right now.

 

[Kit1]

The pain is something off the scale today and I wish it would end. Determined to stay alive, but I feel wrecked emotionally, tainted psychologically and yet, I need to survive - determination, being scared, apprehension and intermittent numbness.is probably what I am skating on right now.

 

[R_N]

Whenever I think a lot and feel less, I stray even further from others. And when I observe other humans it is like looking into my own past.

It doesn't matter anyway. It is just weird to not being able to relate to people anymore despite being human.

 

[Salvation_]

Life is bullshit.

 

[NotToBeRemembered]

Lonely.

 

[johann_liebert]

Empty and sad.

 

[Lostandlooking]

I realize I'm different from 'normal' people when it comes to connection and relationships. I'm always 'acting' to some extent around others. I can never feel calm and relaxed around other people. This has always been the case. The difference is that I used to have hope that I would be able to fit in. That hard work would pay off in the end. And that I'd feel comfortable around people eventually. It's heartbreaking to see it come crashing down. And then you realize: I was trying so hard, trying to get myself to believe in something. That's all I was doing. Trying to hold on to some empty promise. But to come back to the relationship and connection thing. It makes me a bit sad. And it's difficult interacting with the people in my life. In a lot of cases it's not okay to say: 'Please don't text me for a week.' Or 'I don't actually feel the connection'. Secretly hoping that a relationship will end is also a weird feeling to have. And I don't think that's a good idea to share with people. I long for isolation. And I know that's not exactly normal. There's always this tension because of these things. And it's a bit of a sad realization to have: that I don't feel connected to people. I know other people feel very different. And I try to be mindful of that when talking to them. I keep my feelings mostly to myself because I rarely see them reflected in society, in therapy or on the internet. (Once in a while I find something that kinda rings true though)

Just rambling here. And I feel some need to point out that I'm a bit older(feel weird saying that) as I'm in my late thirties. And I don't want to discourage people (of any age) from trying recovery. Things could have been different for me. There's so many factor at play. Try to deal with your issues in any way that resonates and seems helpful. Until you can't of course.

 

[carac]

Feeling so lost, like I don't belong here and I don't deserve anything

 

[0000000000000]

Desperate, hopelessness, loneliness, sehnsucht, anger, frustration, daydreaming, trapped, unbearable, exhausted, no sense of belonging or connection.

I don't want to wake up in this world and body again.

 

[Life_and_Death]

broken...
i forgot what i was going to say seconds after mentioning it. i said "interesting", asked what and i had no idea...
i need to update 2 of my mp3s because i accidently downloaded ads. its extremely basic. delete, redownload. but i cant get my head wrapped around it.
just fuck..

 

[oddetoad]

I actually feel dead now, it's not even an expression anymore it really feels like something snatched the soul from me and im just a corpse sitting up and typing shit lol
gotta love this life

 

[Life_and_Death]

people arent helpful. anytime ive tried to reach out like im "suppose to" it always just makes me feel worse.

 

[PremiseRunner2049]

Trifling/incompetent.

 

[oddetoad]

Confused and empty. it's like there's nothing inside me anymore but 2 eyes looking out into a hellscape with robots

 

[N33dT0D13]

I want to stab someone so bad rn, I don't know why it's just been on my mind for hours upon hours now, people are so entitled & selfish & need to be punished, I don't hate people, I just want them to stop being assholes but also I want to hear their screams & feel their life essence as it leaks out of them, I don't wanna kill them, just scare them into being less shitty & entitled & selfish but it wouldn't work & I'd be arrested & I'm far too delicate for prison so I'm good, I'll just seethe & smoke & sleep, not stab, my feet are cold & the sun is up augh, fucking sun

 

[Life_and_Death]

i have bpd.... i literally cant show you i love you anymore than i do..... ill never be enough for you...

 

[1MiserableGuy]

Sleep deprived as all fuck from an unplanned 2 year old and we are having yet another kid.

 

[delora]

I usually prefer typing on my laptop. A keyboard feels faster and more satisfying, almost like it's easier for me to get my thoughts out. But right now, I couldn't even bring myself to it. I'm writing on my phone.

I'm in bed, and it just feels like I'm sinking into it. Slightly dissociating, perhaps? I don't know. I can't cry, and also cannot sleep. Breathing feels like an effort.

Part of me feels disappointed, probably on myself. There are so many thoughts and feelings I don't want to have, but here they are. I don't understand why.

Just another night, I suppose. And another day after that. Then another month, another year. How much longer?

 

[Life_and_Death]

"schedule your eating" thats really easy for you to say when you dont feel like youre going to throw up 24/7!

 

[Repeat]

This is the first time I've been on the forum since I initially joined 5 years ago. It sort of sucks to realise that I'm in the same mental place I was back then. It's been hard to motivate myself to eat and I have no appetite, the general apathy has returned full force, and the urges are stronger but I'm going to try my best to get back to where I want to be.

 

[Kit1]

I have no right to wish foe this and I need to live foe my children and I get that. But part of me wishes that I could sleep peacefully and not wake up ever again.

 

[Alatus_Nemeseos]

I feel an agonizing conflict that seems impossible to quell, I feel guilty for how suicidal I feel when most people assume this is the best I've been in years, I miss my mum who was my only parent more than anything and yet im glad she's passed away because if she could see me now I believe she'd be ashamed at how much I've failed over the years. Mostly I feel completely alone and desperately crave to be held and told that things can get better in a manner that I can actually use that as inspiration to get back up again and continue the struggle of fighting on. But I feel aimless, confused, unsure of myself. I work at a hospital and its the only time where I feel at peace but there are days when I'm unable to put my thoughts asides for the needs of the patient and those days are suffocating. I'd love a way out, unfortunately I dont really have the means to ctb tonight as I've only discovered this website in december and only very recently decided to walk the type rope and join.

I feel like where ever I go, whatever I do, however I'm feeling, looming over my shoulder is a gloom that carries such an unbearable weight that in just one hesitation I fall back into a cataclysmic abyss where no hands can reach out and each time it falls on me to struggle desperately to claw my way out despite being blind and not seeing where the light is.

I'm tired, alone, unwanted and ignorantly narrow minded in failing to see what life can provide me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I want to hurt myself so badly right now. I want to break all of my bones. I keep on switching between being extremely pissed off and calm. I've already cut and hit myself but it's not enough. I want to fucking stab myself over and over again.

 

[Sylveon]

I'm tired.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

hungry

 

[ngossia]

i have test tomorrow at uni. so thinking about that , revising chapters and feeling anxious somewhat. i am listening to this song which is making me sad.

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

I feel crazy for wanting to not be interacted with while co-habitating in the same house with people that don't understand boundaries

 

[Life_and_Death]

i just want to cry.. i want to put words to my tears but i feel ive lost them... all i know at this point is im hurting and i feel like i cant place it anymore...